Hey you! Yeah, you! Who else would I be talking to? Are you tired of your workmates giving you funny looks? Are they excluding you from EVERYTHING? Is sociability an excruciating task that you struggle through every day of your life? Well we, the good, hard working, 134% honest folks here at A Snake Pep Fish Inc. have come up with the permanent solution for your stupid problems!

Introducing Friendly Clone 1.0! It looks like you, acts like you, talks like you, knows every single last darn thing about you. That's because, well, IT IS YOU! You can talk about sports, music, paranoia, religion, work, isolation, dogs, hallucinations, pretty much anything that you DARN WELL PLEASE! Because you know what? It's 100% judge free and that is a guarantee! It's almost like you're TALKING TO YOURSELF!

Humanity is overrated! Personalities are overrated! All you have to do is send us a picture of yourself and we'll do the rest! Humanity is overrated, so why not grab yourself a clone? You will never have to leave your house again! You can just sit in your room all day and talk to yourself about ANYTHING! You're probably asking yourself this: "What will this wonderful service cost me?" Well, I'm here to reassure you that for the cheap price of $14.95 and a HUGE scoop of your blood, sweat, and tears, that Friendly Clone 1.0 will satisfy your social needs by occupying you ALL day!

Pretty soon, you can't get them out of your life! Every corner that you turn, they'll be there! Every time you're captivated in a day dream, they'll be there! Every time you're staring at your own wall, they'll be there!

They'll be there when you eat, sleep, excrete and meat! They'll make you laugh, they'll make you cry, they'll make you feel like you are the most normal being in the world! They'll even make you so darn angry that you want to smash every bit of glass in your own house! You will never ever EVER have the ability to get away from it! EVER!

You'd be mentally insane NOT to get one! Pretty soon, you won't even be able to tell the difference between the Friendly Clone 1.0 and yourself! Don't delay, and call the number on screen! Order now, and you'll get your own complimentary script, in case you DON'T want to be yourself! Make that purchase, before the pressures of social interaction catch up with you!

Written by CrashingCymbal
Content is available under CC-BY-SA