What are demons? Are they a dark mythical creature, that come in the night and take your soul. Are they beasts from hell bound to make life miserable? No. Then what are they? I can only partially answer that without being criticized. The answer to that would be some of us that harbor mental illnesses. Depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder and OCD. There are of course hundreds of other mental illnesses out there, but in a world where people enjoy knowing no one is normal and perfect, though we try. That would be a non-logical answer. You're probably wondering if everyone knows this why are we still so cruel to one another and ourselves. I can tell you my point, due from my experiences and perhaps you can enlighten me with yours. Though, it would be unfair... not to warn you.
You Have Demons Too, We All Do
The First Cut Is The Deepest
I doubt anyone can say they haven't been sad, let's face it everyone is sad. I know I am, I'm very sad almost always. I suppose I should tell you about me, I'm 14.. which probably had made you lost interest, but I want to share with you the best way I can explain to you that I know demons are real.
Everybody at one time in their life looks in the mirror questioning themselves; "Am I pretty?" "Am I ugly?" "Am I skinny?" "Am I fat?" Everyone has. The truth is, I'm not going to sugar coat this and tell you how lovely and beautiful you are. Because, it's not far for me to judge you if I don't even know you. So, as I am with religion I am agnostic as to how I feel about you. The last thing you might want to know is I am a girl. With that, it happened 4 years ago, I met a person that would effect me and resurrect a partial amount of demons we all possess. This girl was my half sister, my father's real daughter. I won't judge her by what she wore, or what she said, but by how she treated people. I can tell you, that this girl played people like a game of chess, naturally it was easy for her too manipulate. The truth to that is, she invited some demons of mine out to play, but that previous year, so we could say 5 years or so... She was possessed too. I could act like she wasn't there and demons had completely taken over her body, but she was aware. The demons, became her friends. Unlike mine, which I have very passionate loathing for them.
I was probably a baby, when I met the real first demon. PAM.
I wish not to bother you with my personal pain, I am just using my personal experience to explain what I think a demon truly is.
Ten years old, I wasn't the little girl who sang, laughed, had sleep overs and got little stars on her spelling tests. I was a very sad girl at this time. Because, my life was just becoming a continuous system of crash and burns at just the age of ten. This half sister of mine had many scars on her arms and thighs, I had asked her what happened and she told me she use to cut herself, but then it donned on me. As of now, that's how she let her demons out and then from that point, her demons encouraged. That she was played like a game of chess to those demons. I asked her why and she said it made her feel better. I left it that.
A few months after she got settled in, things got worse dad and her were fighting and getting physically violent with one another, one day I came home from school on a Friday; she had everything in her car looked upset and my dad looked very angry.
"I'm leaving," she said numbly, like she said this often.
I cried and asked her to stay, but she hugged me half-heartedly and slammed her car door and started the engine.
"This is a new chapter in your life," my dad had said tenderly.
With that she drove off and I cried, my dad gave me some money and told me to go get some candy and cheer up, when she left. She traded me one of her demons for a piece of my heart. I unwillingly bartered. I went to the park and used the swing. crying.
After I was done crying, I went inside and slept. I had nightmares the whole night, I don't remember them, but they weren't pleasant. That was just the demons way of saying hello and inviting themselves uninvited into my home. my body and my heart.
The next morning, I came and looked around my sister's empty room. I grieved for almost three years.
Then school got out and summer began.
I started getting sadder and sadder. Things weren't going good, now 11. I started to mature, not in a good way. I started to take a "form" of my half sister. I wore dark eyeliner, dark clothes and listened to dark music and begin drawing and writing dark things. At first I thought it was cool, but then I realized it was my statement to show people how sad I was. That was when I remembered I could express my sadness in a form of self hurt, for the first time I broke a pencil sharpener blade and threw away the plastic, retrieving what I wanted. I made my first cut and you know what they say the first cut is the deepest. It was on my thigh so nobody would know.
My mother and father even worried and started calling me my half sister's name, my other sister's did too. I was teased terribly, because I took a liking to "non-conforming" which I greatly appreciate that I outgrew it about a year ago, nothing to tragic happened when I was eleven, but twelve was when it got worse.
The demons that were possessing me, were getting worse and worse. By the time I was twelve I had many "cat scratches" on my thighs and arm. My friend, asked me what they were and I knew she didn't believe me. This was when I had a real true breakdown. My grandma had died the month before. I had cut the pain out of me, because I thought it was weak to cry, actually that's what the demons had told me, when I used to cry in the dark they would rub my back and show my a darker self of myself, handing me a wicked mirror, that I stared at. The appearance I possessed had frightened me, and I broke that mirror cutting myself with the glass. My friend was angry I had cut, but little did I know how selfish, I truly was that one of my demon's had latched onto her later, through our friendship. Little did, I know that demons travel. That my friend told her mom and her mom called mine and my mom was concerned, but didn't realize truly how much this cutting had consumed my life.