There are a lot of fake websites on the internet, claiming to have something you desire.  99% of the time these are fake.  But what if I told you there is a way to actually get what you desire?  But, you are going to pay for it.  Not in monetary terms, but instead in emotional and mental terms.  

First thing, do you really want the thing you desire?  This seems redundant, but the pain you will go through will be terrible and beyond anything you can imagine.  Also, remember the more valuable your desire, the more pain you will go through.  If you're religious, you will still be able to go to heaven if you are a good person.  

You will need a computer you can do coding on, nothing more, nothing less.  You will need a “key” from a friend or a person online.  Though if it is a false key, you will be sent to hell for an eternity.  I beg you not to use a random key found online.  Also, you need a strong pair of sunglasses, as well as a smartphone that is fully charged, and that can receive LTE connections from any major phone companies.  Even if you can’t use the data on full speed, it will be fine.  Put all of these items in your pockets.    

First step, log onto your computer, then make a file.  This is simple; make a website about the thing you desire.  Even if it’s experiential or material, always say it’s free.  Include an image of what you want, plus a big download button.  Link your “key” to the big download button.  The key is weird.  It’s not a file, but 6 seemingly random digits.  Never use a website builder like Weebly or Wix, or even stolen source code.   This is a sign of laziness, and you will never make it to the end.  

Load it up on your computer in an Internet browser.  An .pdf file will print after pressing the download button.  This is the last chance to turn back.  Please, if you are not willing to die for this desire, it’s not worth it.  It says something on it:  “You have sought an item of sorts.  Please sign this note claiming you will partake in the trail to gain your desire.”  Print out the .pdf file.  It doesn't matter where.  Just make sure no one sees the page, as this is seen as bragging, and you won’t make it.  DO NOT SIGN ON THE FRONT!!!  This is a trap to sell your soul to the devil for an eternity.  Sign the back side in the top left instead.    

Go back to the website you created.  At this point, E-Mail yourself the .html file you created, and you can access it on your phone.  Now, change the text in the Download button from “Download” to “Receive”.  Press it.  You will be in the previous location that you were where you pressed the Receive button.  Now, walk out, and go outside.  You are in Hell.  Don’t worry yet.  This is your test.  If you're not dead yet, congratulations.  You beat out 80% of all of the other participants.  Most of their wishes were too vast, as you can’t trust people to make rational choices when it comes to getting literally anything they want.

Walk to a demon, and say “Hello, I am a traveler on a mission.”  If he responds “For What?”  Strip and run back to the house door. You will see what you want, but don’t be fooled, this is not what you want.  Use anything in your house to destroy it.  Even if it’s a girl or boy, kill him or her.  Once you have destroyed it, kill yourself.  If the demon responds “Follow Me.”  He will lead you to another house, inside is your loved ones.  Kill one; he or she will disappear from the Earth once you get back.  Then, kill yourself.

You should be in a dark room.  Your worst fear will be in there too.  If it’s an animal such as a spider or a snake.  Let it on you; it will not hurt you, I swear.  If it’s a human such as a clown or something of the sort, don’t pay attention to him or her.  If it is not a living thing, you will be experiencing it now, such as the fear of heights.  If you can bear around 20 minutes in Earth time of this, it will stop.  

It will be lit very brightly; close your eyes immediately.  Put on your sunglasses.  There will be nothing more.  Go onto your phone and open the .html website file to the thing you want.  Click on “Receive.”  Or if you prefer, you can go onto YouTube and find true enlightenment to your life.  And you can buy anything on the internet, but you can only buy one thing.  If you did something else something on the internet, still press the “Receive” on the webpage.  

You will be back in our world.  The thing you requested will be in front of you, or if it is something big like a car, it's outside.  If it was enlightenment, you don’t get anything, but you are at peace in the mind.  If you wanted a lover, he or she will start to hang out around you more.  Also, the “key” is useless at this point.  Erase it and never share it, unless you want to kill someone.  Is there anything bad left to do in order to complete it?  No, there is not.  You’re in reality.  I hope you enjoy your new gift, from Satan to you.