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I know I don't talk to you much... but I felt I should tell you about today. Il a été fantastique! (It was fantastic!) I hung out with Nique, and we watched Dawn of the Dead. "When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth." I just can't get that of my head! I also got a letter from Queen's University today. I was accepted after all! I start this fall; I’ll be majoring in Language Arts with a minor in French. I'm so excited! They said my grades were sub-par at best, but somehow they still let me in! Maybe it was my incredible essay? Nahh... Well, I'm going to sleep now. I'll write in you again soon, I promise!
I'm a little shaken up. I was walking home from Nique's house, though I took a slightly different way. It was late, so I didn't want my parents to know I was out again. She told me about a shortcut through this old alleyway. She uses it all the time to get home from school; she said it's much faster than walking through the park. I was desperate, so I took it. The whole way through the alley, I could have sworn I heard whispering... chanting of my name --- But, that's crazy. I was the only one around. The voice was too deep to be Nique, even if she's the kind that would do something like this to scare me. Maybe it's just my imagination; maybe I'm just paranoid... who knows? I'll try not to think anything of it.
It's happening again. It's been exactly one month since I've written, yet I'm afraid I have no new information. I heard whispering at work: chanting of my name in a deep, creepy voice. Sound familiar? I can't exactly explain it. I'm afraid to talk to Nique about it, she may think I'm nuts. I really need to stop thinking about this. It's all in my head; why am I getting so worked up? I'm going to bed, maybe in the morning I'll be able to think straight...
I got a promotion today; I'm a manager now! I called Nique; she's taking me out to dinner to celebrate. I should really start to get ready... short entry today. A plus tard. (See you later)
My head is spinning... I woke up today with a migraine. I've heard whispers all day, but every time I've turned around, there was nobody around. I don't get it. Every month it seems, I'm hearing things. Every month on the same exact day. I hear chanting from the same disembodied voice. This time, I was actually with Nique when it happened; she heard nothing. I'm starting to freak out a little bit. At least I don't have to hear anything again for a while. My head hurts enough already...
I was in the library today, reading some Fight Club. I heard a bloodcurdling scream. Now, I ask you: Is it normal for a 19 year old boy to hear screaming in his local library? No. I was terrified. But, again, no one else heard it. I think it's starting to happen more frequently... It was just a week ago that it happened at Nique's house. I'll be sure to write if it happens again.
I can't take it... I know I've said that before, dear Diary, but you see, this time it's for real! I haven't slept in over a week. Everything feels so far away, like a copy of a copy. This infernal voice in my head, constantly nagging me, but I can never understand what it's trying to say; I've gotten almost used to it... that may sound like a terrible thing to say, but you see, I've had to. If I didn't accept that I was going crazy, maybe my brain would be decorating the walls right now, and pieces of my skull dancing on my pillow. Ugh... that's a morbid thought. See what this blasted voice has done to me? And I used to be such a nice guy...
I started school today; Queen's seemed to accept me fairly quickly. I've already made a few friends, and my old "friend" hasn't bothered me in days. I think this is just what I've needed.
College: the vacation of my dreams from my own mind.
Dear Diary, You want to know something? Cats piss me off. I was with a few colleagues today; just minding my own business, when all of a sudden this raging cat flew off of a shelf and snagged my homework! I already had a terrible headache, and this of all days, the cancerous thoughts began to swarm me once more. I had no patience for him, so I... well, I honestly didn't mean to, but I sort of... kicked him across the room. I guess all those years in soccer finally paid off. God, that's a terrible thing to say, I'm sorry, dear Diary. Please forgive me, for I am not myself lately.
No "Dear Diary" bullshit today. I haven't felt this bad in years. I was working diligently on an assignment for an Anatomy class, when I heard a sudden piercing scream. It made me jump out of my seat. That's not why I feel so crummy. No one seemed to notice that. After the scream, I was just standing up in the back of the room (farthest away from the door...) I was then bum-rushed by at least thirty different jumbled whispers. It sounded as if everyone in the class had huddled around me and started trying to speak all at once. Thirty different conversations; one target. All I could think of; all I could really do... two words: "Shut up." Bellowed at the top of my lungs. Two words that sealed my fate forevermore. And I've never felt more miserable.
Dearest of Diaries,
It's a wonder what you can discover if you take the time to listen. These voices... I've had it all wrong, you see. All this time I've spent trying to get rid of them, when I should have been listening. They really aren't out to hurt me, after all. I shouldn't say "they" it's just one. One single person. He's sitting with me now, actually, watching over my shoulder as I write this out. Checking for any grammatical or spelling errors. He's a nice person; I really like him. He tells me to call him "Volos", though I doubt that's his real name. We're going to go play now; I feel a sense of faith renewed... Euphoria fixation.
Oh how fate tempts me so... Volos gave me a choice today. After all of this time I've taken to get to know him, and him getting to know me, he’s learned my strengths and weaknesses, and he's made me eliminate the strongest of my strengths. Yes, I broke up with Nique. It was either him or her. She just didn't understand, I'm not the man she fell in love with, she said. But it's not true. Volos says I'm just the same as I've always been, she just doesn't understand. She's the one that's changed, not me. Volos is my strength now. He's my eyes, and mouth. The dogma of Volos is my Bible, now. Nique just doesn't understand. Maybe in time she will, but until then, I can't have her hold me back.
That damned girl. Why did she do that?! Today was supposed to be the best day of my life. One year ago today, Volos started contacting me, even if I didn't know it yet. She called some fucking sanatorium! Claimed I'm "Mentally unstable." I could laugh in her face! The fucking whore! They're coming for me, she says; coming as soon as they ready up a room, so be prepared, she says. I'm not going anywhere. Volos will protect me.
These people... violent.. so violent. They didn't believe that I wasn't home. They broke open my front door. I've barricaded myself in my bathroom. Volos said they won't get to me in here. Volos said I'm safe in here. I see the light now, I see clearly. Volos is my only true friend; always has been; always will be. Nique -- She's nothing but a filthy cow. She forced this on me. If only she understood, then maybe things could be different. But no, she wanted me to get "better." Bullshit. This isn't for my own good; this is a death sentence! These bad men scare me. By the sounds outside, they just destroyed my bedroom. This is just a bad dream... a nightmare, nothing more. I just want to wake up... They must have heard my pencil. They're banging on the bathroom door. They're saying obscene things. They want me to go with them. I don't understand... Volos said I'd be safe. Volos said he'd protect me. Where is he? What's going on here? The lock is cracking. Any second I'll be in their hands. In the cold hug of the straight jacket. I DON'T WANT TO GO! LEAVE ME ALONE! Why can't they just leave me the hell alone?! I've done nothing to deserve this! The door is open... They're coming. Volos has betrayed me... Dear Diary, please protect me. They've come for me... Th--
Written by Zaster