Just a quick public service announcement to new users. Before you post a pasta directly on the wiki, I HIGHLY recommend first posting it here. There you can get honest reviews of your story and learn what should be tweaked about it.
However, one big thing to keep in mind when somebody is critiquing your story is that 'it will sound harsh, but they aren't insulting you!' It may seem like they are, but trust me, all they are trying to do is help you grow as a writer by telling you what mistakes you made and what could be improved.