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Creepypasta Riff: Poisonous

Well hi. Dorky (Dorkpool, but I call him Dorky) mentioned I will be taking over the smartass commentary- or "Riffs"- in his absense. I hope this doesn't upset anyone, but if it does, that is really too bad. Anywho, this isn't meant to be my idle rambling, this is meant to be a riff. Dorky sent me a creepypasta based off my name, a.k.a Poison. Though the title is not "Poison" it's close enough. The short story (if it can be considered that) is called Poisonous. My commentary will look like this. Anyway, as a traditonal transition goes, this is where I say, "Let's riff this bitch":

You eat food, right? you tell me. Every human does, And so does every other living thing, but humans are far more important, but do you inspect each morsel of food you eat? I doubt you do. I don't think anybody does. I could say that is my advantage, but it's not , is it your web-slinging abilities?. What really helps me is when you leave that meal in your fridge overnight, or even when you leave the room unattended . You may think I'm lying. I'm not. Ever see that flash of movement or something that isn't there? You might have seen me or you were visited by the Men in Black.

Symptoms of my poison could include fever, headache, insomnia and paranoia Don't take "my poison" if you have any liver problems, "my poison" is not for everyone, talk to your doctor to see if "my poison" is right for you. These symptoms don't really kill much, I like to watch my victims squirm and go, well, insane Have you tried locking them in a theater that is playing Fifty Shades of Grey and filled with middle aged women?. Yes you may say I'm cruel, but I'm not I'm just really into that kinky sort of stuff. I only kill, whoops, did I say kill? no you typed it. Forget I said that. it's hard to do that when it's written out right there. You may look for the poison, however you may not findit. If you are eating something like a salad you may not notice the little black flecks. However, if you're eating something like a tea or soup you'll spot it earlier. Did I say earlier? Surely you have misread that And somehow  you managed to read my mind before I read it, and then retype it in a question so that you could tell me my mistake, thank you, my eyesight must be going.

If you spot it you may, however, incinerate that morsel because the poison spreads. It spreads much like mold. The spores spread. If you have spotted my plague it's too late. You're already infected with it. After that, your teeth become loose, only, however, if you have baby teeth left that is how loose teeth work, thank you.

You will feel pain like reading Jeff the Killer, pain?. Not unbearable okay, so not reading Jeff the Killer. . You know what, I'm lying didn't you just tell us you weren't lying?. There is no such thing as me how are you typing this then?, the poison I am right here. , or any of the shenanigans above. I distracted you. I could be behind you this very moment I am leaning against a wall, knife raised, glistening with blood, ready to sink into your neck. Or I could be hiding where you can't see . I also could be lying even more and be distracting you while I sneak some poison into your food .

Made you look . Don't be so paranoid. It's unhealthy so is poison, but you don't seem at all troubled by that.

Well, that's the end of that. I am not sure if I am impressed with this. I do like that I didn't see any spelling errors, but this reminds me of something someone would say when they are trying way too hard to be creepy and it just turns into a rambling jumble of indecisive outcomes because they didn't have time to think of anything better. I do enjoy the concept, but I find it a bit bland. Whatever, what do you people think? Was my first riff decent? Do you hope that I get infected with poison in which goes undetected as I eat? Go ahead and enlighten me in the comments below. 

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