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The Humboldt Lycanthrope is most definitely one of the most respected writers on this wikia, and for good reason. His work is, very simply put, exemplary. Time and time again has shocked and terrified us with his adult intended stories of hardcore horror. Almost every yarn of his has been nominated for pasta of the month at some point or another, and one of the pastas featured on this list has won quite recently. He has also announced some up and coming works that I am especially excited for, so let us celebrate the occasion by taking a look at his best work. Let Humboldt’s top ten begin!
Okay, now we can start!
10) Clown Dogs
Here we have the story of some of the harsher consequences of cyber bullying, not including a petty grounding or any sort of legal interference. Humboldt seems more interested in punishing teenagers who had the will and the way to humiliate one of their peers by photo-shopping her with dog porn. These aforementioned penalties include an unplanned death by the hands of a misunderstood girl who supposedly killed herself.
9) Sons of Odin
Norse mythology… what a fascinating subject! In this story, the Norse Gods are Humboldt’s tools of terror as he carves the characters of Kvasir and Baldr, two brothers who are about to get taught a lesson that they will never forget. Of course, my charming doublespeak is referring to the moments in which they die gruesomely and ever so painfully. Look into this pasta for extended details.
In this graphic re-imagining of the classic fairy tale, The “Rump” is a notorious heroin dealer who roams the highways in search of lives to exploit, and (of course) babies to steal, much to the dismay of Rosemary. Our tragically misled protagonist who has the displeasure of performing oral sex on the Rump and buying his drugs, only to awaken from her sleepy daze to find her precious little toddler missing.
The second and final “Fairy tale pasta” on this list tells the tale of a Daniel Timbourne, who worked for a powerful and eccentric woman known as Madame Sheri before her palace mysteriously burned down. This story focuses in mostly on character development, and personally I love it all the more for that. When reading this pasta, I felt like I knew everyone in it. Abelard, the “Zombie” left an impression on me, despite the fact that he is not mentioned all too often. This is a true testament to the talent of our very own resident werewolf.
We love you H.P. Lovecraft, truly we do, and so does Humboldt, apparently, for he wrote this great little pasta as an ode to your name. You see, in the pasta, an all new Marine Biologist goes to the cozy little town of shelter cove in order to study the many species of Abalone that thrive in the waters. However, he soon finds out that something very sinister is going on…. Someone is raiding the reefs of their abalone… but whom? Why, only the fish scaled disciples of the Lord whom you once created long ago.
Most artists have said this at some point or another, but allow me to reiterate. Love is pain, as clearly shown in the pasta above. More specifically, 1980’s urban punk love is pain that often ends in more than one gory death… deaths, as a matter of fact that our main character “Garbage” will have to repeat over and over again until the end of time. If you are a lover, this story may offend you, but if you are a bit damaged in the head like the rest of us creepypasta users, than you will find this a fantastic and entertaining read. I most certainly did.
Chuck Palahniuk said it best. “I loved it!” where his words upon reading this pasta by Humboldt when he had the good fortune to enter the online class that was hosted by none other than the writer of “Fight Club.” His comment was for good reason. We, as the readers, observe the life of a recently lonely man who has found new love… sort of. Actually, this is more along the lines of a man drilling into the skull of an innocent woman so that he can keep her as his wife. In closing, Lobotomies haven’t been this terrifying since “Shutter Island.”
Exorcisms have been staples of the horror genre ever since “The Exorcist,” so I was excited to see Humboldt’s offering on this particular subject matter. When it came, it was shocking, it was vile, disgusting, abhorrent… and it was awesome. Although it did not win BanningK'scontest for the best Demon/Devil pasta, it did manage to dominate the voting board for Pasta of the Month and won just a while ago. Give it a read to not only bask in the grossness of it all, but also to reflect on the thought provoking themes of how religion is used as an excuse for violence.
Do you remember when I was talking about how nasty The Number of Darkness was, about two seconds ago? Of course you do. Well, this is worse. Just how bad, I hear you ask? Let’s just say that by the ending of this story, you’ll get to read about a literal Humboldt Lycanthrope who pulls maggots out of the anus of a dead woman before subsequently having sex with her lifeless corpse. However, this isn’t all about nauseating repugnancy (although there is plenty of that). This pasta takes a more in depth look at the character of Danny, a young boy obsessed with serial killers, who is surprisingly easy to relate to.
And the number one spot is…
What a masterpiece. I have no words, this is true writing greatness right here, everyone. This is more than just the number one spot on this list; this has got to be one of my favorite pastas of all time to be featured on this wikia. Not too long, not too short, with great characters, a creepy tone, and an even creepier little girl who may or may not be in the imagination of our frazzled police officer “hero.” This was pasta of the month for a reason… its excellence, and if you haven’t read it, then I suggest you do so now.
Well, that’s all for today folks! Make sure to check in on my blog at Devils Night (the Night before Halloween, for those of you who haven’t seen “The Crow,”) to take a look at the top 80 horror films ever made!
Next up: Top Ten Creepypastas by BanningK1979!