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SnakeTongue's Worst Horror Films Ever Made

Author's note: This was originally a comment in EmpyrealInvective's blog about his Halloween Horror Tacular. I am simply making it a blog post because of its legnth and the many opinions within that I feel like people could make intelligent comments on, as well as list in the comments section what their least favorite horror films are.

Now that I have sufficiently tided you over with a few horror movies that are pretty damn good, heres a list of movies that absolutely sucked to even things out. You can expect plenty of underground bad horror to surface here.

SnakeTongue's Shit Barrel of Awful Horror Movies...

Let us begin with a movie that is so atrocious that it is pretty much pointless in even talking about how bad it is. Camp Blood. Need I even say more? I almost feel bad myself including this one because it technically isn't even a movie... its a bunch of people out in the woods with a camcorder and a twenty dollar budget. No real actors, no editing, no partially decent cinematography. Easily the very worst "movie" I've ever wasted my time on.

Phantoms---Dean Koontz is one excellent horror novelist, and when I found this movie, that was based on a book that I actually own, I was excited to watch it. However, I did not know that I was going to be treated to an absolute boring mesh of stupidity. 

Kill Baby, Kill--I am actually a big fan of the work of Mario Bava, who has given us many a good giallo to feast our senses upon, so it is most ironic that this film breaks into my least favorite horror movies. The fact is that I nearly bored myself to death watching this film. It could not manage to capture my attention for very long, and I was constantly checking my phone while it was playing, waiting for that fucker to end. It got the point where I checked it twice in the same minute, I was so ready for it to be over that it was quite ridiculous.

Maximum Overdrive  -- Six words say it all. Stephen King directing a horror movie. Add in bouts of bad acting, bizzare humor, and a general sense of nonsensicallity, and you get this. Ugh... Jesus.

Psycho II-- I had such high hopes for this movie. I was hoping for a thought provoking follow up to Alfred Hitchcock's original masterpeice. Did I expect it to live up to the fist one? Well no, of course not, but I certainly didn't plan on it being tedious and so very confusing. While Perkins tries to save this one with his performance, its all for naught in the end.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers-- After the second Halloween movie, things went downhill quick, as I'm sure you already know, but this was the absolute fucking worst. Holy hell, I think I'd rather be stabbed and electrocuted by Michael Myers until my head eventually explodes than watch this mess a second time.

Night of the Demons-- There was literally only one thing that was even moderately good about watching this film, and that was the fact that we got to see Linnea Quigley in her best state of undress. However, since we already saw that in Return of the Living Dead, I suppose this movie was entirely pointless after all. Good luck watching this without falling asleep by the thirty minute mark.

Pumpkinhead-- heres to one of the most tasteless, virtually unwatchable movies ever ot be made. Its a monster movie about a thing that has the head of a pumpkin (well, kind of,) and it sucks. 

The Wicked-- Are you a fan of horror movies that are about witches? Well then, stick to the Blair Witch, this one isn't worth it unless you want to break your neck from shaking your head too much. This movie gave me a headache from its shittiness, that shall stand as testament to how bad it is.

ATM-- Oh Josh Peck... you just had to be in a horror film, didn't you? Well, you made a pretty terrible choice here Bub, theres no other way to put it. Especially with a boring plot, flat characters that only exist to take up space, and the worst horror movie villian to exist in a good long while.

Happy Birthday To Me-- I've seen a whole lot of horrible slasher films, but this one takes the cake (Hahah! See what I did there?). It is far too long, it focuses more on gory deaths than it does on the more important aspects, and it has an ending that left me with my head in my hands.

Well, hows this for a foul concotion of shitty horror? Disenjoy yourself with these peices of trash. I shall be in Antartica, where there are no DVD players to host the repulsiveness like I have just indulged in. 

What are your least favorite horror films? Did you see any of the above mentioned? What were your opinions? Let me know in the comments!

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