"Rappers, heh, they rap about Crack and Coke and do meth because crack is too expensive."

"The ones that sing about weed aren't sh*t because they're not even rapping about contraband. Are they Rappers or Hippies?"

"A cat makes you happy. A braised and cooked cat makes me happy."

"I've had so many weird foods, I could write a cookbook called '10 ways to *wok* your dog'..."

"Who wins in a fight, Batman or Superman? Obviously Batman. He's had it with at least seven different women, Sex with the very hot femme fatale Tahlia, and the Man of Steel can't even use the pipe with Lois."

"When the cashier tells me 'strip, facing forward', she is talking about my credit card."

"Softball is *not* a medical condition."