Recently, I have read something distasteful, so bland that I want to throw the laptop out of the window. I was so annoyed by it, the never-ending cliches, the undying CPCs, the tough-to-fix- grammar, and anything related to the word “bad”. This leads me to a short question, and also to a conclusion.

The question: Do everyone know the dos and don'ts in writing?

My conclusion: A big NOPE!

Because I'm very concerned with the literary illiterate people, I might want to state the musts and nopes in writing. First, let me start with the don'ts, as this the problem that most pastas have. Be the dos the second, since they are diamonds on this site.

The Don'ts!!!

  1. Using improper grammar. Do you knew what is it being very annoying? You probably know the reasons, they are literally annoying. Improper usage of grammar halts us from reading just to analyze the entire sentence riddled with grammatical errors. (I admit to myself, I don't have perfect grammar, but I have the proper one, so I got that going for me, which is nice.)
  2. Using too much curse words. Let me ask if want to have a sample of my service -- Do you want me to bleach your mouth? Do you want me to acid wash your toungue? If you don't want to, then reduce the usage of these words as minimum as possible. Giving few "fucks" are considerable, but giving away too many "fucks", "shits", "bitches", and so on, are just so improper. Avoid them, if you can. (Personally, I also give some fucks, but not that much.)
  3. Redundantly adding awkward phrasing.  Most of the time, awkward phrasings are the public enemy no. 1 of all writers, professional or not. They are easy to put, but difficult to notice, and much more difficult to remove. Make sure the words flow smoothly on your tounge. In the first place, they are just exactly like the characteristics of "Using improper grammar." (I admit, I have plenty of this.)
  4. Adding irrelevent/too much gore. Do you know the Saw series? How about the Final Destination series? All of them have gore, but did it make sense? Same goes with stories, too much gore and "blud!!!" is just so fucking annoying. Consider that adding a gore scene to a part of the story just for the shock factor and not for the progression of the story is lame, and NSFW. If you turned Wrong Turn to a story, it would appear like this. Compare it, alsmost the same, isn't it?
  5. Adding too much description. You know, we don't care about the irrelevant details, we care about the important ones, and the story itself. Do you know what's more annoying than nonsensical gore? Much, much, much description, so much that it already stops you from reading. That's not the point of painting a vivid image in the readers. You're already painting a sureal painting for the reader. It's better to leave out the unimportant details, and continue your story.
  6. Adding too much cliches. The name says it all. Do you need further explanation? Maybe... nope.
  7. Using all caps to represent fear and excitement. Do you want to read any pasta from this category? All caps are eye-gouging, literally! If you ever go across an all caps story, it will surely your your vision. To clean this mess, use the elegant italics, or just add an exclamation mark at the end of every exciting/shocking statement! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?!
  8. Writing a trollpasta for a creepypasta site. Bruhh, do you even?
  9. Follow the proper format. This has been a major issue in some new users. They think adding an indent while in source mode looks very educated, but it isn't it. Use the Helvetica font. Don't add indents, source mode or visual mode. Break your story into paragraphs (We don't want to read wall-o-text. Please, have mercy.)
  10. Using the Mary Stu formula. I know the most annoying and effortless plotline in the whole wide world. It's about a children getting bullied at school, suddenly turns batshit, then goes to a killing spree. Dude, FYI, writing with the Jeff formula is considered a rip-off, and it's also unnatural, and unoriginal.

The Dos!!!

Finally... the part I want.

  1. Identify yourself. Do you know how to write a pasta? Do you have slight knowledge about them? Do you read them? If no is your answer to all of these, then GTFO before you annoy us with your broken English, improper story format, and unending cliches. (Don't worry, I also went through this process.)
  2. Be original. This is what all of us need. We need quality work. We need original work. Out of these approximately 11,800 pages on this wiki, write something that is easily distinctable from other works. It maybe hard, but I know you can do it. (I also did this, so also you can do this.)
  3. Use proper grammar. Title says it all.
  4. Write about something creepy. We don't need stories unrelated to the wiki's genre. We don't want a story about an old woman planting a seed on asphalt, then the seed suddenly grew to a huge bean stalk. It's not creepy, but we have some exceptions. If not creepy, show us something interesting. Maybe not about something scary, but about something that is worth reading and worth wasting the time.
  5. Hook the reader. Start the story with an interesting and attracting statement. Something like, "My name is Satan, and I'm just your usual hellraiser." (I'm not even sure if that's interesting.)
  6. End it with a boom. You started the story with a loud bang, then end it with a deafening boom! I may suggest to add some plot twists at the end.

I have big plans and hopes for this, this must reach the "Writing Advices Blogs". If you want to include your contribution, then comment it below, and let me add that for you. Together, we'll make the dos and don'ts in writing.

We shall be history!