Getting ready for a move that I may not be approved for has been stressful.  There's so much I will need and I keep working myself up over it.  I was supposed to have a psychiatric evaluation today to start seeing a therapist and hopefully start getting help with my bipolar disorder but the appoint had to be postponed.  Again.  This time it was because the therapist would not be in her office.  They called me pretty late yesterday evening, about 6:30pm central time, to tell me that we needed to reschedule.  They obviously don't understand how long I've been waiting for this appointment.  I need to speak with a therapist.  I need this.  The stress is overwhelming.  I'm staying strong and positive in front of my kids, I'm able to keep it together that much.  But when they're in school or asleep, that's when I let myself fall apart.  I'm smoking far too much.  I chewed off two of my finger nails (I had stopped chewing them for about six months).  I either sleep too much or not enough.

Once I'm approved for the move (its looking super promising) I have to come up with the secuirty deposit and electric deposit and even though I have people willing to help me for that, it's still A LOT of money that I have to come up with and just because they said they'd help doesnt necessarily mean that they'll have the money at the time that I need them to have the money.  I have a friend who I might be doing some housework for in exchange for him helping me with getting the deposits(or part of it anyway).  But once I move, then I have to worry about all the little things that you need to live and moving all of my stuff to begin with.  I don't drive or hve a vehicle at my leisure so I'll be relying on others for help for that, too.