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Rainboh August 21, 2016 User blog:Rainboh

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As I've said in other blog posts, I write here where my real life friends (and my family, obviously) won't read it... but here goes.  I'm pretty bored this evening and felt like updating you guys:

The school sent home a piece of paper saying that my younger son owes over $12 for lunch/breakfast since he's started there so I made sure I got online and applied for the free lunch/breakfast program that is provided for people on a fixed income.  I mean, if one kid owes that much, then the other one does too and I can't afford that. ..... I can barely afford food for the house at the moment. 

Skyler's birthday is in six days so I'm looking to sell some of my books (shocker!!!) and other items before then in order to throw him a party.  He will get a cake for sure on his birthday (I'll have to make it at home but so what) but as for presents and friends coming over, who knows?  I can't afford it right now... and I hate that I have to drill that in to their heads.

I've applied for several jobs and I'm just waiting until someone contacts me......... I hope.  Wish me luck, y'all.

.....

I woke up this morning and checked facebook and found out a good friend of mine passed away last night at one am.  Sadly, I'm not handling it well.  I finished off my vodka... but really, my life my choices.  Its been JUST over a year since Luke died and now I'm having to deal with Michael too?  It isn't fun.  I know... life happens.  But man, I have NEVER handled death well and I'm barely holding on emotionally.  I want to just let go but it isn't fair to anyone else if I do that.  I know better.  Really.  But I'm a fuckiing mess.  I miss Luke and I miss Michael... and all the other people that have been lost within my life.  Part of me wants to be reckless but I can't.

I just can't.

I am so sad.

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