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I’ve been meaning to do this blog for a while. In my reading I’ve come across a number of strange and unsettling ailments. I had planned to incorporate them into a pasta, but instead I decided to list them in case anyone was interested. Some are scary and others are just bizarre, and some of you may have heard of at least some of these before. Set down your cup of soup for the moment, get a sick bag ready just in case, and let’s get started.

  • Capgras Delusion- This is a mental condition in which one becomes convinced that a close family member has been replaced by an identical imposter. Which is worse- having this condition & fearing that your loved ones have been replaced, or having a loved one with this condition & trying to convince them that you’re really you and you haven’t been replaced?
  • Cotard Delusion or Walking Corpse Syndrome- This is a rare psychiatric disorder in which people become convinced that they are dead, or that their body is putrefying, or that they have lost their blood or internal organs.
  • Dysfunctional Gut Syndrome/Auto-Brewery Syndrome- A person gets drunk without drinking a drop of alcohol due to yeast growth (from antibiotics use) and fermentation of carbohydrates. I feel bad for people with this condition because you could have an episode and some people would refuse to believe that you had a rare condition & weren’t just a boozehound.
  • Fetus in fetu- A twin begins to form within its sibling. There was a case in which a tiny foot and other body parts were found in a newborn baby’s brain tumor. Excuse me a second. ~vomits off-screen~
  • Hematohidrosis and Haemolacria- Hematohidrosis is the name for sweating blood. It is believed that it can be triggered by acute fear and extreme stress. The most famous depiction of this is probably Luke 22:44. Haemolacria is the name for crying tears that contain blood. There have been faked or questionable occurrences of this, but genuine cases can be caused by eye disease or injury.
  • Methemoglobinemia- This is a rare hereditary blood disorder giving skin a blue hue. In Kentucky there’s a branch of the Fugate clan nicknamed The Blue Fugates because they carry this gene. My late father, who was both a Kentuckian and a genealogist, told me that we’re very distant relatives of the Blue Fugates (I think it was something like eighth cousins).
  • Olfactory Reference Syndrome- This is a condition in which one falsely believes they smell bad. It doesn’t seem as unsettling as some of the others, but I can imagine it would be awkward and uncomfortable to have this condition.
  • Rapunzel Syndrome- This is an intestinal condition resulting from eating one’s own hair. I’m assuming this is related to something called a trichobezoar, which is a ball of hair in someone’s gut.
  • Witzelsucht or joking disease- This is an obscure brain disorder that causes people to tell corny jokes. I have questions because isn’t corniness something that’s subjective? I mean, is whether or not the jokes are corny a matter of taste, or does the person only tell jokes that they personally perceive to be corny? Also, did anyone else think of Quips from Regular Show?
  • Fecal vomiting- This is the vomiting of fecal matter. Yes, this is real. It’s caused by bowel obstruction. Needless to say, if you experience this, you need to get to the hospital immediately.
  • Coffee grounds vomit- The subject has dried blood in his or her vomit, giving it an appearance similar to coffee grounds.
  • Black vomit- This is dark-colored vomit or a condition which could cause it (usually referring to yellow fever). It’d be bad to have this, but it’d be even worse to have it and end up visiting a jerk doctor.
    • Doctor Jerk- What seems to be the problem?
    • Patient- I think I have black vomit.
    • Doctor Jerk- And why do you think that?
    • Patient- My vomit is black.
    • Doctor Jerk- Hey, hey, who’s the doctor here, hmm?