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Some Critique, Please

Noothgrush November 2, 2013 User blog:Noothgrush

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So I wrote My Baby, trying my hand both at posting openly on the internet what I hope is a good story (excellent if I'm lucky, terrible if I'm not.) and trying out a sort of visceral narrative using no dialogue, just feelings and perceptions. I'd really appreciate some critique on it, just to know if I'm at least on the right track.  I really hope you guys enjoy it.

While I'd appreciate it if you left direct editing of the story to me, as it is my baby (heh), I also wouldn't mind it if you thought you might have an appropriate image to go along with it if you go ahead an add it.



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