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Arguing With Moon Logic

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(Inspired by conspiracy theorists and other idiots on the internet.)


The use of Moon Logic in debate looks easy at first, but nothing could be farther from the truth.

Debating with Moon Logic takes lots of practice, dedication, and a willingness to shove your head so far up your ass that you'd be wearing your rectum as a choker.

I'm willing to share with you some classic tricks of Moon Logic debating.

1. The Non Sequitur

A wise man once said:"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit!". The Non Sequitur is an indispensable technique of Moon Logic debating. It is the art of making a statement with a conclusion that does not follow its premise. This disconnect confuses your opponent, leaving them open for verbal attack. The following is a good example of such an argument:

The flag of the USSR and the PRC are red and yellow.

Both of these countries are/were Communist.

McDonald's uses the colors red and yellow in their ads and restaurants.

Therefore: McDonald's is secretly Communist.

The best thing about this statement is that it doesn't even matter if it's true or not. (It isn't.) If it's true(or more importantly, if you believe it's true.), then your opponent is either an unwilling Communist dupe or a knowing agent of Communism. This forces your opponent to deal with accusations of Communism (If they admit it, they're a Communist. If they deny it, they're a SECRET Communist which is far worse.)

If it isn't, then use it any way. You don't have to use the truth to win an argument, you just have to get the other person to stop talking.

Any absurd statement can be used this way. The intent of this manuever is to confuse or anger your opponent. If they're confused, they're vulnerable. If they're angry, they're likely to insult you, in which case you win because you will not stoop to petty insults and obviously you're the bigger person.


2. Ad Hominem

This is another vital part of the Moon Logic debater's toolset. If you're losing the argument, quickly bring up a shortcoming or moral flaw of your opponent. This puts them on the defensive, giving you ample time to mount a larger attack, and can turn the others against him/her. What their opinion on the subject doesn't matter. What matters is that they were rude to someone/related to a criminal/litter constantly/are a professional baby eater/are fans of Nickelback.

This is amazingly effective if you accuse them of being Communists. Accusing people of being in league with those awful reds is a time-honored American tradition!


3. Just Sayin' (Or, Just Asking Questions)

Is the Mayor secretly a Freemason? Did Johnny T. stab a nun in a gas station? Do the Chinese want to destroy the moon with a laser?

This is a very handy tactic. By 'Just Sayin', you can make an accusation without making an accusation! If they person accuses you of implying something they did, you can hide your ass by replying that you were 'just asking questions'. Your opponent now has to answer the question. If they do, they're obviously lying because they sure are quick to deny something. If they don't answer, then boy they sure are suspicious by not answering a simple question. It doesn't matter how absurd your question is,they're now in a tight spot. After all, you're 'Just Sayin'.


4. Verbal Diarrhea

Sometimes, Quantity trumps Quality.

If your opponent is winning, and all your other methods have been exhausted, then it's time to 'open the floodgates'. Start spewing every accusation, insult, half-truth, untruth, and bit of utter nonsense you can possibly muster. No matter who it is, your opponent won't be able to debunk everything and especially not in such a great number. He or she will have no other chance but to give up and get as far away from the ranting fuckwit as possible. Congratulations! You won!

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