Honestly, people, how pathetic do we have to be to have our life suddenly dependent on Twitter, Facebook, and cell phones?! My sister is ten years old, and every time I see her texting (I can't believe she even has a phone) her friend, who is sitting right next to her, I always slap the phone out of her hands. Seriously, it's a freaking PHONE! Not a laptop! You won't die if you go a single day without an iPhone!

Phones were made with the intention of talking to other people from a distance. Talking to your grandmother in China. Nowadays, you have the iPhone and BlackBerry and such which surf the internet and text and check your Twitter and it's just ridiculous. It's a phone, not a goddamn laptop.

Facebook. Stupid. Twitter. No one gives a damn that your breakfast had too many mini-marshmallows. Pretty much all social networking sites are stupid. Everyone who says "You don't have a Facebook because you don't have any friends on it" is also stupid. The people who have a million friends on Facebook are also stupid. People with tonnes of friends on Facebook have so many because they suck at actually making REAL friends. You know why else people prefer friends on Facebook? They're lazy. Friends on Facebook are MUCH less demanding than real friends. You don't have to let a Facebook friend bunk with you for a week when their wife kicks them out of their house. The same goes for Twitter; both followers and tweeters. Tweeters need to stop tweeting 9001 times a day about the stupidest things, and followers need to get a life and stop caring about the stupidest things. (No, Selena Gomez, NO ONE cares you just stepped in gum.)

I seriously pity those people who say "I would die without my cell phone." I don't have a cell phone, never needed one. Here are some solutions to some common problems which some people say they would die without a cell phone.

  • 1. An emergency. (Robbery, mugged, etc.)

Solution: A gun/knife/martial arts training.

  • 2. An emergency. (Boredom, you need to check your goddamn Facebook, etc.)

Solution: Get a hobby. A REAL hobby, one that involves going out in the SUNLIGHT and talking to REAL FUCKING PEOPLE (Insane, i know, right?). And stop caring so much about your stupid FarmVille strawberries, collecting little pixels of coins will NOT make your life any better.

  • 3. You need to speak to someone across the world.

Solution: Ever heard of email? I'm even letting Skype slide off this list.

Conclusion: Go out and make some real freaking friends. Some REAL friends who know more than your name and gender. Who can actually help you with stuff other than watching your goddamn FarmVille. Whom you can actually interact with. People, get up from those keyboards and OPEN A FUCKING WINDOW. LIVE A LITTLE, PEOPLE!