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Unexplained Urges

Havoc98 December 9, 2013 User blog:Havoc98

Well... I'm happy to say that I got my way out of this whole "Depression" thing. I do get in these strange moods every now and then, mostly grim and melancholy. I am a pessimistic thinker, so I assume that all the negative thoughts I have are taking effect on me; It is also believed that this was all hormonal. Whatever the cause, I'm done with it, and it doesn't harm me as much as it used to. I've become much stronger in an emotional sense, and made much progress in fortifying my emotions, thoughts, and opinions and keeping them all bottled up for myself; without going completely insane of course.

Other than that, I've now been overcome with stress. As if it wasn't bad enough that I've just climbed out of a pit flooded with self-pity, confusion, anger, sadness, etc. I've now climbed out to be tackled by stress, mainly from school. Obviously, this is easily relate-able, but due to my pessimism, and my morbidly low grades, it's really building up to the point where it shouldn't be; and so does the stress.

Other than my negative news, I've been forced into the swimming team about three weeks ago by my own mother. She was concerned about my lack of involvement with the school, and my lack of interaction with my classmates and my dwindling social life. Now, saying this makes me sound like the typical, cave-dwelling geek that spends his whole life in his dark room lit and kept warm by the light of his computer monitor. I assure you, I am not the stereotypical geek; I do manage just fine talking to people and handling myself at parties. I wouldn't say I'm the most popular, but I am notable for a few things, and I am just a "regular" member of the functioning society within school.

I will admit, I was at a low last school year; but I climbed my way up again. The problem is, I always appear serious and morbid (mainly because I'm in deep thought, and it's actually my thinking face), which makes me seem distant and unapproachable. See, I only speak to people when I have a purpose or reason to; and that isn't very often. I'm not a socially anxious person; However, my parents do think I am. They scold me for not talking to classmates and acquaintances when I see them in the streets sometimes; I do say hi, but for some reason, saying hi isn't enough for them.

They expect me to start a full-blown and deep conversation with them out of nowhere. Thing is, for a person like me, I have to have a reason or purpose to speak to them; so doing as they ask is pretty hard. I have no other reason than to say "hi" not talk about politics or whether that one chick slept with the whole football team or not. Anyways, I just went to my first meet yesterday. Of course, stressing over the event more than necessary, I went as a nervous wreck. It turned out just fine, and I won second and third place in two events.

I am pretty relieved that I can hold my own in the team, but of course there'll be more training and attention from the coach since I did pretty well for a rookie.

I've also been seeing these characters within my dreams more often. I did mention that there was a personality that was so aware to the point that if felt like another person is within my mind. That personality (That took the form of Yuno Gasai) can remember recent dreams I've had with it, and what I've said to it. Now, three more appeared. I won't go into detail of what happened in the dreams I've encountered with them, but they're the same, and appear to have minds of their own.

Two of them are female. One of them took the form of Lucy (from Elfen Lied) and the other just looks like an anime girl with white hair. The third is a guy, that took the form of G-Man (from Half-Life franchise). These three girls don't appear often, but when they do, they do pretty bold and awkward things, and always try to interact with me. This entity that took the form of G-Man watches over me in my dreams; to the point where it's kind of unsettling.

This G-Man also talks to me in some dreams, but I forget everything by morning; only remembering that we spoke, and we were alone in a dark room. Sometimes he's in random dreams watching from the distance, much like he does in the game. It's kinda creepy. These characters follow me into every dream, but since school started and G-Man appeared; they've been falling apart, and It's becoming difficult to recall anything.

It's a really strange feeling when I have this dream and feel like I learned something important in it, but then forget everything.

I've also been getting these strange urges to do something. It's like a calling to do something I'm not really sure of. I just suddenly feel like there's something I should be doing, and it's really important. I guess it's just that I'm bored. It does have an itch and a burning sensation to it though, and it can't be relieved. It's been a strange week, and I'm also suffering from writer's block sadly; so I won't be writing any new pastas anytime soon.

I guess that's all that happened these past five weeks in a nutshell... Sorry for wasting your time with this nonsense. Had nothing better to do than to write this whole thing down :P

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