Cheese Doodle Audio Log, Stardate 68576.9

(DP is Dorkpool - not double penetration - and DS is Doomsayer)

DP: So. Doomsayer?

DS: Yes?

DP: You knew how to defeat El Catrin?


DP: And why didn't you tell us?

DS: Because it would weaken me, and I wanted to see if you and Indometus could defeat him alone.

DP: Well, I couldn't do shit, and the girl I love is lying on a bed in sickbay trying to recover from getting her ass kicked while she was trying to save your ass. Speaking of which, why didn't you help her when she freed you?

DS: Because -

DP: You wanted to see how she'd perform?

DS: Yes.

DP: Well, now you know.

DS: It was not my intention to have her get hurt.

DP: It wasn't my intention to piss of Ecuador. Yet they hate my guts.

DS: What?

DP: Yeah, they really don't like being called "Ecuadorks." Go figure. But that's beside the point. Back on point, tell me how to defeat El Catrin.

DS: I can't.

DP: Bullshit! You know how to stop him-

DS: No, I am actually unable to do so. The most I can say is the Tongue of Darkness, but I'm unable to say the words.

DP: Oh. Lovely. Can you write them down somehow?

DS: Of a sort.

DP: When we're done here, get on that. I've still got a few questions.

DS: I will endeavour to answer them.

DP: Fine. Numero Uno, according to "Marble Hornets", the proxies don't actually serve the Operator. He just makes them, and they do their own thing. Yet you claim otherwise.

DS: How is that other Dorkpool?

DP: The one from the alternate timeline? Fine. But what does that have to do with anything?

DS: Because "Marble Hornets" does not take place in this timeline. Their depiction of proxies are not accurate to our universe.

DP: What about the rest of the ARGs?

DS: Aspects of them are in our universe, but they also exist in alternate times.

DP: So that's how we're getting around that plot hole. Alright.

DS: Is that all?

DP: For now. I've got to complain about something on the Internet anyway.

-Audio Log End-

Ever heard of the movie Entity? It's supposed to involve Slender Man and come out in 2013. There was a trailer released, it has a Facebook page, and...that's really all I've heard on it. So what ever happened to it? Or hell, what about the Marble Hornets movie? Whatever happened to these movies about Slender Man?

As far as I know, there are two Slender Man based movies: The Tall Man and Hylo. Hylo I have not seen, and I've seen some of The Tall Man. Now, The Tall Man is, in a word, boring. I think I got through the first half hour before I decided, "Fuck it!" and stopped. It is a good example of how not to do a Slender Man found footage movie. Seriously, "Marble Hornets", "TribeTwelve", "EverymanHYBRID", and "DarkHarvest001" have better Slender Man appearences. In those, you see Slender Man (on occasion), along with proxies and such, and those screw up the video in interesting and unsettling ways. You do see Slender Man for a time, even though he gets distorted. In The Tall Man, you see Slender Man for one second, and then the camera goes out until he goes.

Now, I'd be fine with this as long as it had a good story or interesting ideas. "Marble Hornets" has the mystery behind it, along with Hoodie and Masky; "TribeTwelve" has the Collective, and an interesting story behind that; and "DarkHarvest001" has the Order, AKA the Slender Man Worshipping Cult. These are interesting ideas. The Tall Man has...people recording themselves trying to solve a disappearance mystery and looking at pictures of Slender Man on the Internet. Yeah. In the ARGs, Slender Man is an unknown being who no one has really heard of before. In The Tall Man, he's known on the Internet. Yeah, as I said, The Tall Man is very boring.

Anyway, with that disappointment, I wonder, what happened to Entity of the Marble Hornets movie? Because those could be good. I mean, the Entity trailer looks good. But it never came out, and I can find no information on the movie.

So, what do you guys think? Does The Tall Man suck? Do you know what happened to those movies? Do you wish I would become as unknown as those projects? Leave your thoughts and answers in the comments below.