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What Makes A Creepypasta A Crappypasta

Dorkpool February 2, 2015 User blog:Dorkpool

I've recently come up with a term: Crappypasta. It came about when I was doing my Riffs, and realized it was a good name for the stories I Riff, since they are, for the most part, crappy Creepypastas ("They Hate Us And They Want Us To Die" is not a Crappypasta. It's an exception to the rule). But the question comes up of what exactly makes a Creepypasta a Crappypasta. Well, I've come up with a few things:

1) Multiple spelling/grammar errors: A spelling or grammar error here or there is fine; hell, if you've seen any of my posts, you know that I'm not exactly perfect in this field. But if there are so many that it's annoying and hinders your reading of the story, that's when it becomes a problem. Stories are supposed to draw you in, and every time you wonder, "What the fuck did the writer mean?" takes you out of it.

2) Idiotic/unexplained plot points: This applies to all bad stories, but also to Crappypastas. Remember everyone's least favorite Creepypasta, "Jeff the Killer?" Quite a bit of it really wasn't explained well, and most of what was was quite moronic. He's incredibly strong because...? I don't know. He's psychotic because...? Something terribly foreshadowed in him snapped. His brother is arrested because...well, the third thing in this list.

3) Complete and utter ignorance of the justice system: Yeah. "Jeff the Killer" is a perfect example of this. I'm sure fighting people who were robbing you would be ok since you can claim self-defense. Also, when Jeff admits it, the cops say, "Well, it's a year in Juvy..." When Liu admits is, he's taken away, and the police completely ignored Jeff. I'm pretty sure that they would've taken both Jeff and Liu in for questioning. And that's the tip of the iceberg of law-fucking in that story. Let's move on to a different story: "Eyeless Jack." This one has some minor incompetence of how the law works. I'm pretty sure that if the doctors knew that Edwin was dead, then the cops probably did too. Which makes it weird that Edwin's body is still in his home, rather than in a morgue or something. Another thing these two pastas have in common by the way? The fourth thing in this list.

4) Really, really, really bad dialogue: So you randomly lose a kidney, and you don't know how. Your doctor explains this to you, and rather than says something comforting, simply says, "Sorry." That's it. And then your brother is killed by some...thing, and what does your doctor say? "Sorry." Not even, "I'm sorry for your loss." Seriously, that's just dialogue that hurts to read. Speaking of which, should I mention the way the kid in the article talked in "Jeff the Killer?" What kid talks that way? Oh, or Liu's statement about being arrested? "Huh, poor bro. Trying to take the blame for what I did. Well, take me away." Yeah. That was a line. That's I don't think I've ever seen any dialogue this terrible. Say what you will about "Jane the Killer: The Real Story" or "Spider-Man: Are You Happy Now?", at least the dialogue didn't make you want to bathe in lava. Those other two stories are still Crappypastas, but still.

So these are my standards for a Crappypasta. All the stories I Riffed have met at least one of these standards ("The Hate Us And They Want Us To Die" has that homeless guy who just grants wishes. He's just there, and what he is, how he has the ability to grant wishes, or why he can't do it himself are never adequately explained. And I'm putting the animals' plan under "Idiotic/unexplained plot points", since the plan they have is just stupid. But if you have to read any of the stories I Riffed, read that one. Also, just read BanningK1979's stories. If that story was a bad one, then think of what a good one would be), and later ones I'll Riff probably will. Sure, I might Riff some good ones ("Psychosis", you're not safe), but for now, I'm sticking to crap.

Anyway, those are my Crappypasta standards. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Do you have any recommendations for a future Riff? Do you think I should get off this site and jump into traffic? Let me know in the comments below.

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