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Pop Tarts Commercials

Dorkpool February 12, 2015 User blog:Dorkpool

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Well, not much is going on over here on the Cheese Doodle, and the world of superhero news hasn't had anything rantable since Spidey joined the MCU, so I'm going to talk about something odd: Pop tarts commercials. You know, the ones with the intelligent pop tart beings who get eaten by people. I've come to realize how messed up they are.

Let's look at one: a baby pop tart has been born, and his/her parents are looking through a glass at the baby (in the incubation ward, I think. I'm not quite sure). Suddenly, a nurse comes in and kidnaps the baby, much to the shock and horror of the parents, and it can be assumed that the baby is eaten soon after. Keep in mind, these are intelligent and sentient pop tart beings, with hopes, dreams, and lives. And their baby was kidnapped, and eaten. A person ate a live baby!

Now, let's try and think of what a society would be like in the 'pop tart universe.' Clearly pop tarts are intelligent, can speak, mate, and have sentience. However, they keep getting eaten by humans, which suggests a) the humans are psychotic criminals b) the humans like engaging in a cultural taboo or c) pop tart people are not considered equal to humans. If it's a or b, then the commercials are glorifying criminals and people committing cultural taboos. If it's c, then that paints a pretty dark picture. Do pop tart people have equal rights? Or are there Jim Crow-esque laws that apply to them - Jim Cream laws, if you will? Now, since I don't think I've seen any of the pop tart eating people arrested or chased by police for a crime, then I'm assuming kidnapping and eating of pop tart people is probably legal, or at the very least hard to prosecute.

That all being said, is there racism betwixt (yeah, screw 'between', I'm bringing back betwixt!) pop tart people? Do pop tart people yell, "Wildlicious Wild Berry Power!" Is there a Khocolate Khip Klux Klan? If there is, then who is the persecuted flavors among them? And was there pop tart slavery? Or was there a time when they were considered unintelligent by humans since they weren't Christian or something, and that was how they justified eating them? Also, what about human racism? Was that still a thing, or did everyone just judge the pop tarts? I personally think that there still was human racism, partly because pop tarts wouldn't make the best slaves, but I don't think it was as prevelant as it was here. Or maybe it was, and slaves and such were considered to be as low as pop tarts, who are basically food sources in this world. Either way, the world presented in the commercials is still very dark.

Speaking of which, when exactly do the commercials take place? I originally thought that it might be present day, but now I'm wondering. Now, human racism no longer seems to be a thing in them, so I'm guessing that progressed along similarly to what happened in our timeline, so it's probably after the 1960s. Actually, now that I really think about it, I think it does take place in present day, and there is some segregation betwixt people and pop tarts.

Perhaps I got this all very wrong, and this society is in fact pop tart dominated. Maybe that's why the people kidnapped at ate the pop tarts: as a sign of resistance. It's messed up, but it makes some sense. That might also explain the lack of human racism: humanity needs to work together to take down their frosted oppressors.

Or maybe I'm just over thinking this way too much. Either way, I still think those commercials are fucked up.

What do you all think? Do you agree with any of the theories put forward? Do you think I'm overthinking this? Was I being a tad racist (that wasn't my intention; I was just using history and such to prove a point)? Do you wish I would be eaten by a pop tart? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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