I have quite a few thoughts that go through my head. Some of them become action. Others stories. Occassionally, some end up as embarrassments. But a vast majority go nowhere. Until now. So, without further ado, here are some random thoughts from my head:

“Bloodsucker” is a poor insult towards a human, but most likely a racist one to vampires.

The reason why Batman and Robin’s costumes in Batman and Robin had nipples is because they were fighting Mr. Freeze, and were cold.

Donald Trump kept calling Ted Cruz a liar, yet Donald Trump said he had a big dick. You decide who the bigger liar is here.

Peter David is cool, but Neal Adams is a dick.

You think John Cena is sick of the John Cena memes?

So, a convention is called a con. And convicts are called cons. So a convention for convicts would be a ConCon. And if they danced there, it’d be a Conga ConCon. And if it were hosted by Khan, it would be Khan’s Conga ConCon. And…

People asked me what I’d like for my birthday. I responded, “Mission report, December 16, 1991.”

How I’ll die: Someone will hold a knife to me, I’ll say, “It’s KNIFE to meet you,” and they’ll stab me to death.

…And if they ordered seafood, it’d be Khan’s Colossal Convocation Conch Conga ConCon. And…

BREAKING NEWS: Trump says thing. People are offended.

I hope a horror themed restaurant serves Creepypasta.

They say that Shrek is love and Shrek is life. What if they replaced those words with Shrek? “I Shrek you, honey.” “I Shrek you too.”

If at first you don’t succeed, cry.

Gryffinpuff. Slytherclaw. Hufflerin. Ravendor.

The actors playing Spider-Man and Aunt May in the movies are getting younger and younger with each reboot. Soon, we’ll have infant Spider-Man and teenage Aunt May. And you’ll definitely be hearing my anger towards this.

If Kanye West became president, would he call the White House the West Wing?

There are girls attracted to Slender Man and Jeff the Killer, yet I’m single. I don’t get women.

Sometimes I wonder if the lottery is a big conspiracy just to fuck with people and take their money.

Sky blue. Dark blue. Happy pink. Money green.

A cat’s penis would be called a pussy’s wiener, but a dachshund’s vagina is a wiener’s pussy.

When I curse, some people will yell at me, “Language!” To which I reply, “English!”

I don’t hate the Ghostbusters reboot, I just don’t understand why it needs to exist.

I’ve always wondered what happens when those three people walk into a bar.

You know what’s really funny? The pain of others.

We’re all going to die, but some of us will die in funnier ways than others. One of us will be hit by a chicken truck. Another will die in a horrible unicycle accident. Yet a third will die by being beaten to death by dildoes. Maybe you can be one of those lucky people.

When Santa says, “Ho, ho ho,” do you think he’s just insulting his wife?

I think it’s time that Axe body spray be classified as a biological weapon.

Tractor Supply sells jewelry. “He got it at Jared.” “He got it from Kay’s.” “My brother got it from Tractor Supply.”

I sometimes wonder if the Internet will ever become obsolete, and, if it does, what will replace it.

Some things I’ve seen I wish I could unsee. Some things I’ve unseen I wish I could resee.

The good thing about the apocalypse: the things and people you don’t like will die. The bad thing about the apocalypse: the things and people you do like will die.

I hope for the next Fantastic Four reboot, they get Bernie Sanders to play the Human Torch. “Torch, we need to go fight Doctor Doom!” “No! We need to fight Wall Street capitalists! They will feel the Bern!”

If you know who I am behind the mask, I want you to know that you really don’t.

If you hate puns, I don’t quite punderstand you.

And that's all. Hope you enjoyed this little jaunt from my head, and aren't completely mentally and emotionally scarred. If you are, sorry, and please don't sue.