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Creepypasta Riffs: Myra the Killer

Dorkpool March 23, 2015 User blog:Dorkpool

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Alright, boys and girls, listen up. Professor Dorkpool is going to teach you about how not to write a Jeff-inspired story using the story I’m going to Riff, “Myra the Killer.” This is the kind of story that feels like it was written by a stereotypical fangirl. How do I know? Well, let’s get injected with pink lemonade, and Riff this bitch!


Myra is a 17 year old girl who was bullied, beaten, and hurt for now 8 years.

(Narrator): Two more years, and she gets one more year of bullying free!

She isn’t like all the other girls in Oak Ridge High School. She listens to rock, not pop. Shes obsessed with creepypasta. Not boys.

So she’s a lesbian who likes rock and roll and Creepypasta? Ok.

On october 31st, that is when her whole life had changed. She was walking through the forest at 10:00pm.

(Narrator): There was no one around and her phone is dead. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots him – Shia LeBouf.

Myra hadn’t gone home. She walked and heard footsteps behind her. She turned around to see two men in white coats. They both tackled Myra and she blacked out. Myra woke up strapped to a bed with needles in her arms. “Help!” She screamed. She realized that the needles were connecting to a bag full of pink liquid.

By god! She’s going to be injected with pink lemonade! The horror!

One of those men had walked in and Myra was terrified. The man took the needle from Myra’s arm. He then spoke with a deep voice “you will feel better in no time” he then walked out. Myra’s eyes grew heavy and she let them close as she fell asleep

When she woke up, she felt weird. Hungry. But not for food.

(Narrator): She was hungry for the pussy.

For screams. Like, she wanted to kill.

(Narrator): Like, OMG, she, like, totally wanted to kill people.

Myra looked down at her hands and saw they weren’t hands anymore, they were nine inch claws. Myra felt the heat rise to her eyes and she broke out of the straps that held her down on the bed. Both of the men came rushing in the room. They see Myra’s eyes are red. They both look at her in terror. She walks up to the man that took the needle out of her and she pushes her claws through his chest. When Myra pulls her hand out she opens her claws and his beating heart was in her palm. She ate the heart as his lifeless body slams to the ground. The other man stood there, shivering in his clothes. Myra stabs him in his stomach and listens to his screams. She laughs insanely and kills him. She walked out of the room and searched for an exit. She looks at the mirror and sees a girl with sharp teeth, red eyes, nine inch claws, and ripped up clothes.

(Narrator): The girl nodded at Myra, and said, “Yo.”

She gasps as she sees her eyes change to a shade of purple. She left the building and started walking through the woods. Myra walked and walked.

Wait, so did she walk?

About a half hour of walking, Myra felt as if someone was watching her. She turned and no one was there, when she looked forward she saw Jeff the killer. She felt her eyes glow a different color, pink, as if she was blushing. Jeff analyzed her then left. Now Myra roams the woods looking for Jeff and if you run into her and you aren’t Jeff, I advise you to RUN.

(Narrator): And you can totally trust me! I’m the Narrator! I know all!

END RIFF

Alright, class, let’s go over what we’ve learned today. First, this story isn’t very good. It’s spelling and grammar are very poor, for one thing. Also, there’s the fact that the character is clearly meant to be the writer herself, just more powerful and murderous so that she can seem somewhat attractive to Jeff the Killer. Speaking of which, Jeff the Killer is thrown in here because why the hell not. Really, this story is just your generic female Jeff wannabe story. So, what have we learned? Simply put, this story sucks.

So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish I'd meet Myra? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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