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Creepypasta Riffs: Le Rose X The Epic Jeff The Killer

Dorkpool March 22, 2015 User blog:Dorkpool

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When it comes to Creepypasta, there are two things I'm not the biggest fan of: shipping, and Slender Mansion. Now, I don't mind shipping in general; hell, I say "I ship it!" a lot in real life, but usually as joke. But I'm not very fond of it when it comes to Creepypasta. I wrote a rant a while back explaining why, but since I'm too lazy to dig it up, let me just quickly say why. These are supposed to be horror characters, and for the most part they show no romantic inclinations. When it comes to other things - comics, movies, TV shows - I can understand some ships, since those characters have shown romantic inclinations. But most Creepypasta characters haven't, which is why I'm not a big fan of those ships.

Now, when it comes to Slender Mansion, I do and don't like it. I do kind of like it because it does allow for some comedic opportunities, and I do like comedy. However, I don't like it because it also allows for shipping betwixt characters. Also, when it comes to Slender Mansion, the Creepypasta characters actually act very out of character there. I just find that odd. Personally, I like to think that the Creepypasta characters all exist in different universes for the most part, unless it's been alluded to that they do exist in the same universe (Slender Man and the Rake, Jeff the Killer and Jane the Killer).

Anyway, why do I bring those up? Because those two elements are in the story I'm going to Riff, "Le rose X the epic jeff the killer" (Yeah, that's how it's spelled in the title. Nice capitalization, writer). This story is from the Jeff the Killer Wiki, which brought us such other fine pieces of work like "Nina the Killer", "Rae the Killer", and "Jeff's Demise." So, let's create a crappy female Jeff wannabe, and Riff this bitch!

rosealias pov I was walking to school, I tried to convince my mom to home school me but she said no.

(Rosealias): Not even my mom wanted to spend time with me.

I walked briskly to my school Ledgeveiw high. I am 16 and emo.

Oh, goody. An emo girl being shipped with Jeff the Killer. Which ring of hell am I at?

I have a reason... That's when I saw those three. The bitches Mary,Sue, and Hope.

Mary…and Sue. Was that a joke? Because if it was, that’s actually pretty damn clever.

I suddenly felt my stomach turn as I quickly backed away. Then Hope saw me.

"Why looky here what have I found" said hope teasingly.

"An emo brat who needs to learn her place" responded Sue jumping off the car she was sitting on.

Well, well, well, look what we have here. Poorly written cliché bullies.

"S-SHUT THE FUCK UP" I screamed starting to cry.

"Aw did the baby lose her teddy" taunted Mary jumping off the roof of her car.

"This is pay back for existing" said hope punching me.

(Hope): I have no redeeming qualities!

(Mary): I’m extremely one dimensional!

"Baby.." Said Mary joining in.

"s-st-stop" I stuttered trying to break free.

Jeffs pov

I saw her, well actualy I was following her.

Jeff, you’re not Slender Man. Stop stalking people.

I saw those girls attack her. 'why do I feel so angry at those girls" I thought wanting to run up and kill them

"maybe you should kill yourself brat" said sue attacking her , oh how much I wanted to kill those girls.

I can’t muster up enough hate to agree with you. Maybe it’s because those bullies are so stereotypical.

Then I stopped 'there attacking my target how fo I feel sorry for her" I thought confused I've never felt like this.

"Y-you ass holes " she screamed running off to school

'ill follow her' I thought using the small Magic slender gave me to look human

“Magic slender gave…” Ok, now I’m mustering up a lot of hate.

... I followed her to school

rose pov

Those three..... I had a bloody nose and my arm hurt like fucking hell... I secretly cursed them under my breath

(Rose): …using my powers of witchcraft.

while picking up my stuff... A youngish boy around my age came up to me.

"need help" he asked politely "sure"I said trying to be nice. "here" he said handing me some books , then a news paper fell out of his backpack. "Whats this" I asked eyeing the front cover.

(Jeff): A porno mag. Here, have a read.

"oh that... It's a newspaper" he responded. "no I meen why do you have it" I said "I am reading about the murders" he responded helping me up. "well we're gonna be late for school" I said dragging him behind me.

jeff pov

wow that girl is strong... I thought mesmerized by her strength .. WAIT JEFF YOU CANT FALL IN LOVE WITH THE VICTIM... I heard slender yell in my head....

Slender Man, get out of this story. You’re better than this. You were in Marble Hornets, man.

But now I'm falling for thus girl.

"hey can you slow down" I said trying to stop her movement

"not right now" she said running faster

(Rose): Please leave me alone before I mace you.

"well can you at least let me stand up" I said

"oooo kaaaay" she sighed

"now LAST ONE THERE IS A BROKEN KNIFE" I yelled

Who in the hell says that?

Jeffs pov

Wasn’t it his POV before?

How am I a psychopathic murderer falling in love with a girl I just met.

Bad writing.

Last time this happened she hated me. I JUST WAS MAKING HER BEATIFUL .

(Jeff): You kill a girl’s family and set on her fire, and then she starts hating you. Women, am I right?

Now how much farther till school

~time skip brought to you by Cweepypasta making Creepypasta cuter everyday~

Don’t you mean fangirls?

Roses pov

"a broken knife you say" I said running ahead of the boy

(Jeff): Yep!

(Rose): That’s incredibly stupid.

"I just realized something... I never asked your name" he said "oh my names Rosealia but you can call me Rose" I responded happily "I'm Jeffrey but call me Jeffy" he said

Yes, the terrifying Jeffy the Killer.

"well hi Jeffy nice to meet you.... Oh and schools over we took to much time talking" I said "well see ya around" he said running "bye" I said

~time skip brought to you by Knives perfect for stabbing your enemies~

True dat.

Its been a week and I haven't seen Jeffy at all.... What if he forgot about me... I took my knife out of the drawer and slowly dragged the blade across the skin of my arm.

Ah, yes, self-harming. Keep it classy, story.

Putting it away I ran back to my room to take a nap.

jeffys pov

Slender took me back to the mansion .

Well, there went any possible love I might have had for this story.

And guess who's waiting to annoy me..

Fangirls?

The one the only Jane. She walked up to me holding out her knife.

"so you want to play that game huh"I asked pulling out my knife

Dude, you’re not Jigsaw.

"where were you you freak" she said slowly walkng towards me. "I was out killing DUH Jane " I responded

Jeff, the only thing you kill are brain cells.

"you were gone for a week" she snarled attacking me "so you do want to play" I said smiling , oh wait I'm always smiling as I blocked her attack "you bastard" she responded shoving me against a wall

What happens next? You decide!

END RIFF

Even if this story didn't have shipping, a poorly written character who Jeff falls in love with out of nowhere (Seriously, Jeff, you're making Romeo and Juliet seem like two individuals who feel in love with each other after knowing each other for a while and discovering that they have a lot in common), and Slender Mansion, it still would suck. It's poorly written, with terrible spelling and grammar, and the characters are very poorly developed. Also, Jeff's love interest is emo. Now, while I don't hate emos in real life (nor do I hate furries, bronies, and fangirls), I'm not a big fan of them as characters. They're usually written as whiny, and I don't like whiny characters. They're rather annoying and grating. I personally prefer characters who are more badass or funny. Also, this story has self-harm, and it comes right out of nowhere. Classy. Now, this all being said, I feel like this story was supposed to be a parody. However, I'm not sure if it is. And if it isn't, it sucks. If it is, it still kind of sucks.

So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish I would engage in self-harm? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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