Yep, a shipping story with Jeff the Killer. To be honest, I'm kind of surprised it took me so long to find one. But, I did, through the magic of the Spinpasta Wiki, the same place I found "Slender Man Vs. Eyeless Jack", a story that still pisses me off. So I don't have very high expectations. Let's see if this story reaches those very low expectations, and Riff this bitch.
DUAL OF SERIAL KILLERS STRIKES LOCAL TOWN First word of the first sentence, and already there’s a spelling error. I’d break out the booze, but I ran out during my "Sonic.exe” Riff.
Two days ago, the dual of unknown serial killers mutilated a family of 5 members, no clues on the scene, the police gives safety advises The grammar here is like “Half-Life: Full Life Consequences”, but with Jeff the Killer. Kill me now.:
"Lock your doors and windows shut, have at least one gun in the house and in case of break in call the police immediately. " I’m sure that the ‘have a gun in your house’ advice is going to give the NRA crowd a collective orgasm.
The police still has no leads on the killers, being the only thing known is that they operate together, like a team. Well, duh.
"This is not the first time this dual strikes in “Strikes in?” What the fuck?; there are more cases from Chicago, Minnesota, and most of the northern states." Says the local detective.
"This is no time to waist! Is there time to leg? They must be stopped! NOW!" “DO IT NOW, I SAY! NOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!” Says the local mayor.
The police suspects that one of the criminals must be Alexa Green, the primal suspect on the Kyle Woods case four months ago. The suspect is still on the large. But is the suspect on the small?
It was a rainy night when Alexa and Jeff left their hideout, the rain would wash the blood of their knives, Alexa left everything behind… But she didn't regret it… She had Jeff… And he was a good partner, in killing and… In other things…NOPE. NOPE. FUCK THAT. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE.
Jeff looked at Alexa and slide his right hand on the pocket hiding the knife. Alexa looked at him and smirked.
"Alexa…" Said Jeff pulling her body to him. Please don’t do this to me. In the name of all that’s good and decent, please don’t.
She putted her arms around his neck and while looking into his eyes said:
"Yeah?" How romantic. I probably shouldn't complain, actually.
Jeff didn't say a word while he putted his arms around her waist. But there’s no time to waist! Alexa hugged him tighter and tilted her head to him while closing her eyes. She look at him saying:
"Jeff… We got to go."
He nodded his head grabbed her hand. She walked next to him, slowly as the rain felled, cleaning the blood dripping from their knives. You mentioned that before.
They finally arrived, the McCain residence, they looked around to see if anyone was watching. Wait, so they’re going to kill John McCain? I’m pretty sure age will do that first.
"I'll go check if there's any entrance" Said Alexa before kissing his cheek Ugggggghhhh. and ran to the backyard disappearing in the darkness.
Jeff stood there waiting, then exactly three minutes later she came back, he looked at her as she says:
"Found an entrance."
They both ran to the backyard and broke their way in, but they realized they weren't the only killers in the house… Wait, the band that did, “Somebody Told Me” is there too? The kitchen was covered with blood, fresh blood and the drops would leave a trail upstairs. "Alexa, stay behind me…" whispered Jeff.
Alexa nodded and holded her machete tighter. Holded…you know, spell check is a thing. Use it.
They both walked upstairs, slowly, trying not to make noise, the upper hallway was also covered with fresh blood. From the bottom of the hallway it could be heard a sound of chopping meat. How does that sound, out of curiousity? Alexa raised an eyebrow at it. Jeff's lips curved into a psychotic smile He has a smile carved into his face. I don’t think he needs to do that. as he walked to the door while holding the knife. Alexa watched from a distance. Hooray for female empowerment!
Jeff opened the door slowly and walked in, Alexa stayed in the dark hallway by herself. Then the chopping meat sound stopped. Alexa was paying attention to the environment, just like a tiger haunts for it's prey. "Tiger haunts"? Wait, that must mean that there are... TIGER GHOSTS! TIGER GHOSTS, LEAVE THIS PLACE!
She gasped as the deadly silence filled the hallway… She was getting worried… Was Jeff okay? I hope not. She compressed her lips and, with an usual psychotic sparkle on her eyes she open the door slightly. Then she froze. It was impossible… "There was a good Jeff the Killer based story.”
"Jeff…" -Said the dark shadow Barnabas? in the end of the room.
Jeff was just standing there, waiting for the shadow to make a move at him, Alexa just stood there, paralyzed. Alexa is kind of useless.
"Liu…" Said Jeff in a deadly tone.
Liu walked further letting the nightlight illuminate him. He didn't noticed Alexa's presence, she was standing in the dark.
"It's been a long time brother…" Said Liu walking around Jeff. "How much time? Two? Three fucking years?" Not just any years, but fucking years. Actually, “fucking years” probably describes what Jeff and Alexa were…NOPE. NOT GOING THERE. Liu said, in an angry voice tone. He speaks in an angry voice tone. That would be funny if it weren’t so stupid. Actually, scratch that, it is funny.
The hand holding the knife formed a fist. Alexa stood there watching. Do something, you useless piece of ass!
Then, like an instinct Liu charged at Jeff, Liu tackled Jeff to the ground and started punching him, Jeff laughed, his laugh was satanical Magical and Satanical! and psychotic, he didn't felt anything. No, it’s Ticci Toby who can’t feel anything.
"I was wondering so many times…" Said Liu putting his hands around Jeff's neck " Why did you kill them… Why? WHY?" Shouted Liu. That’s…actually a valid question.
Alexa watched as her rage began to rise higher and higher. "Her rage was 420 blazing it."
"YOU ARE NOT MY BROTHER! YOU'RE NOT THE JEFF I KNOW!" Shouted Liu as tears felled from his dark green eyes. Really? Because this Jeff and the Jeff you knew are basically the same character wise. By that, I mean they have no character.
Jeff laughed and in a fast move he grabbed Liu by his shoulders and threw him to the ground, the sound of Liu's body collapsing on the floor made the entire room shake. So what you’re trying to say is that Liu is fat?
Alexa's hands formed two fists, she was ready to protect Jeff, even it costs her life. What took you so long?
Jeff grabed “Grabed?” Holy crap, this actually is “Half-Life: Full Life Consequences.” Alexa, grab a wepon! his knife and stab Liu in the shoulder, Liu fought back and smashed Jeff's face in the glass window, Jeff laughed.
"You're pathetic brother…" Hey, the writer used you’re correctly. Good job!
"SHUT UP!" Shouted Liu charging at him again.
This time Liu grabbed Jeff by his neck and threw him to the wall, Jeff noticed Alexa at the enter The enter? Not the Ctrl? of the room but didn't said a word.
Liu began kicking Jeff, first in the stomach, then in the ribs, after a wild beating Liu grabbed Jeff's knife and stabbed him in his right shoulder. Liu, please kill Jeff so that this story can be done.
Alexa, had seen enough, she ran from the dark spot she was standing at an ran towards Liu. She tackled him to the ground. Liu laid there as he head spin, an effect from the fall. Side effects of Falling include head spinning and room shaking. Talk with your doctor before Falling. Alexa ran to Jeff.
"Jeff…"
"Don't worry Alexa…" He said pulling the knife out of his shoulder.
A little maniacal giggle could be heard from Liu as he stood up facing both of them.
"Well… What do we got here huh brother?" He said walking to Alexa. A Mary Sue.
Alexa raised her machete in a fighting position. –Mortal Kombat theme plays- Liu's laugh was a psychotic and maniacal as Jeff's.
Alexa charged at him and tackled him to the ground again, then she punched him in the left side of his face, Liu, being stronger and older then Alexa, threw her to the floor next to him. Then he stood up and grabbed her by her long dark hair. Good going, Alexa!
He exited the bedroom while dragging her, he stopped at the top of the stairs and pushed Alexa down the stairs. No. Stop. Please. She was such a good character. Oh no. Aaaahhh.
In the room, Jeff stood up and analyzed the environment, the walls were all covered with blood, but he's attention got to the bodies, they were both covered with blood, cut throats and they had some kind of carved smile on their faces. The same smile that Jeff carved on his face. Liu, you unoriginal copycat. Shame on you.
He heard a bang and ran outside the bedroom, he saw Liu pushing Alexa down the stairs. "DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!" Shouted Jeff while running to Liu.
Alexa's body rolled down the stairs, she could feel every piece of wood, every splinter scratch her body, but she didn't felt pain, on the contrary… She felt like someone was tickling her. That's...mildly disturbing and possibly pedophilic.
END OF PART.1
END OF STORY, PERIOD. THIS IS IT, FOLKS. PLEASE, LET THIS BE IT.
This story sucks on so many levels. The characters have little to no personality. Alexa is just some crappy Mary Sue who has probably set the women's rights movement back a few centuries. The writing is "Half-Life: Full Life Consequences" level bad, except it's not as fun as "Full Life Consequences." Oh, and it made me think of Jeff doing naughty things. This is what a bad shipping story looks like, folks.
So, what do you all think? Was this story bad? (If you think otherwise, reread it) Was the Riff any good? Do you wish me and my cat girl girlfriend (Yeah, remember her?) would be attacked by my brother that many assumed I killed? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.