I wanted to take a brief break from Riffing "Pasta Noir", and Riff something I should've Riffed before: "Herobrine." Honestly, the fact that Riffing this story never occured to me before surprises me, but I can chalk it up to one thing: I forgot it existed. I think it's kind of like "" in that no one really talks about it. But then I randomly came across this story again, and realized that it would make a pretty good Riff, or at least a short one. So, without further ado, let's load our map, and Riff this bitch.

I had recently spawned a new world in single-player Minecraft. “I used the Nicholas Cage skin.” Everything was normal at first as I began chopping down trees and crafting a workbench.  I noticed something move amongst the dense fog Slender Man, stop trolling people. (I have a very slow computer so I have to play with a tiny render distance). I thought it was a cow Herobrine is offended that you’d think that. He’s not fat., so I pursued I think you mean pursued it, hoping to grab some hides for armor.

It wasn't a cow though. “It was some guy named Ben.” Looking back at me was another character with the default skin, but his eyes were empty. They were emptier than the head of the writer of “Sonic.exe.” I saw no name pop up, and I double-checked to make sure I wasn't in multiplayer mode. I don’t play Minecraft very often, but I’m pretty sure you don’t accidentally end up in multiplayer. He didn't stay long, he looked at me and quickly ran into the fog. Herobrine prefers the company of fog to the company of the narrator.  I perused Pursued. Ugh. out of curiousity, but he was gone, With the wind.

I continued on with the game, not sure what to think. “I’m not sure if I prefer console or computer gaming.” As I expanded to world I saw things that seemed out of place for the random map generator to make; 2x2 tunnels in the rocks, small perfect pyramids made of sand in the ocean, and groves of trees with all their leaves cut off. Um, scary? I would constantly think I saw the other "player" in the deep fog, but I never got a better look at him. That’s just Pyramid Head. I tried increasing my render distance to far whenever I thought I saw him, but to no avail.

I saved the map and went on the forums to see if anyone else had found the pseudo-player. Now that is smart. That’s what I’ve been saying a character in this situation should do! So, kudos. There were none. I created my own topic telling of the man and asking if anyone had a similar experience. A sexual experience. The post was deleted within five minutes. Well, maybe you shouldn’t have used so much racist profanity. I tried again, and the topic was deleted even faster. I received a PM from username 'Herobrine' containing one word: 'Stop.' Hammer Time! When I went to look at Herobrine's profile, the page 404'd.

I received an email from another forum user. “It was actually just some spam.” He claimed the mods can read the forum user messages, so we were safer using email. The emailer claimed that he had seen the mystery player too, and had a small 'directory' of other users who had seen him as well. “Thus I was inducted to the Cult of Herobrine.” Their worlds were littered with obviously man-made features as well, and described their mystery player to have no pupils. Maybe Herobrine is just Firestorm. Or a member of Youngblood.

About a month passed until I heard from my informant again. Some of the people who had encountered the mystery man had looked into the name Herobrine and found that name to be frequently used by a swedish gamer. I knew Pewdiepie was hiding something from us! After some further information gathering, it was revealed to be the brother of Notch, the game's developer. Does he have a brother? I personally emailed Notch, and asked him if he had a brother. According to some guy next to me as I type, Notch never had a brother. I’ll take his word for it. It took him a while, but he emailed me back a very short message. “Hail Hydra.”

I did, but he is no longer with us. DUN DUN DUNNN!

— Notch

I haven't seen the mystery man since our first encounter, and I haven't noticed any changes to the world other than my own. I was able to press 'print screen' when I first saw him. And you didn’t show us this before because…? Here's the only evidence of his existance Along with further evidence of your lack of a spell check.:

(I'm not including the picture because I never include pictures. But, for those who are curious and haven't read the story, let me sum it up: it's the story, and under it a picture of a map in  Minecraft with a lot of fog with Herobrine doing a Slender Man and hiding in the fog)

This story isn't that bad. It's not particularly good or original, but it's eye-stabbingly terrible. I feel like the writer thought, "Gee, how can I make Minecraft scary?" and then read "BEN Drowned" and stories about Slender Man. Seriously, there are quite a few similarities to those two characters. Dead person haunting a game/Internet and causing glitches? BEN. Hiding in fog and being a bit of a stalker? Slender Man. However, unlike those two, Herobrine isn't very scary. Now, I'm not saying "BEN Drowned" is horrifying, or that Slender Man will cause you to piss your pants. But with those two, you can see why you should be scared of these characters: BEN will fuck up your life and electronics and possibly drive you insane, while Slender Man will stalk you, fuck up your life and electronics, drive you insane, and kill you. (Wow, never realized how similar those two are) Herobrine though just makes weird stuff, and tries to be secretive. He's not malevolent, he just wants to be alone. Maybe that's the point of the character. I don't know. What I do know is that this story isn't terrible, and provided a brief and much needed break from "Pasta Noir." I'll get back to that next time.

So, what do you think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish I would stop? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.