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Hello, I'm the Goddamn Dorkpool. I Riff it so you don't have to!
Remember that Demo Reel lost episode Creepypasta I Riffed earlier? Yeah, there's a sequel to it. A very unnecessary and idiotic sequel. So, naturally, I'm compelled to Riff it. So, let's put on our black ties, memorize our profanity, and Riff this bitch.
After the events of the supposed lost episode of Demo Reel surfacing, Doug Walker has declined all knowledge of the episode and refuses to speak about the events of the filming. In that one, Doug Walker dies? Can you explain that, author? Every con KHAAAAAAAAN! he has been to, he has shot down the topic altogether, whether it's subtly or he just straight-up, "I don't want to talk about it. Please, try to refrain from bringing it up." “I’m trying to forget about my failures.”
Either way, it has been eating the fans up. As a fan, I have to say that no, it’s not. Wondering if THAT was the real reason why he canceled Demo Reel and brought back his beloved character that the fans missed after his absence. I think I have the answer. The answer: it has nothing to do with the Nostalgia Freak.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love Doug Walker and the Nostalgia Critic as much as the next guy.....at least, I did. In fact, he was probably the only good content creator on the entire TGWTG site. Fuck you, Linkara is awesome. This is just a retelling of the events I overcame after the viewing of the lost episode. “I had to get over my severe alcoholism.” You may ask, did I get a copy of the lost episode, too? No, I’m asking why there’s a sequel to this. No. I was the person who posted the first "story" on this very Wiki. Oh, we’re breaking the fourth wall now? Ok. It has been haunting me ever since that day. Every time I shut my eyes, I saw Doug Walker. Doug Walker is love. Doug Walker is life. Doug Walker in Donnie's costume, sitting where the Nostalgia Critic is supposed to be....Staring. Blankly into my eyes. “You’re going to have to remember it now,” he says to me. This leads into the nightmare I had, just last night....In fact, I'm feeling a strange sense of deja vu as I'm typing this. Déjà vu, because that’s totally not cliché in the least. Anyway, the nightmare....It began just as I was walking down a street. Yeah, most cliché nightmares kind of do.
In fact, it was the street I walked down everyday to get to work. I was cold, shivering, and I saw nothing. “I was blind in this dream.”
I had a sense of dread overtaking me, as I kept seeing stuff that would normally be in my nightmares. (i.e strange, grotesque monsters, a lurking zombie That stuff is in your nightmares? Odd. Mine involve some schmuck with a skull head saying he’s going to take over the Multiverse.)...It sounds cliche, You said it, not me. I know, but here's where shit gets really fucked up. You mean it wasn’t before? I stopped and gasped at the sight of a tie. Was it a hen tie? The tie was black, which most likely scared me. That’s racist! I guess the sight of the tie brought me back to the realization that I just saw a video that will haunt me for the rest of my life “2 Girls, 1 Cup”, reminding me of the person who was responsible for my possible suicide. The Nostalgia Critic. I don’t think his Let’s Play of “Bart’s Nightmare” is suicide worthy.
I screamed at the sight of it, and began walking back. “Get away from me, evil tie!” I fell. I fell into an open door, LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOOOOOR! which led me into a blue-lit room. I had no idea where the fuck the blue was coming from. The color spectrum? I screamed at how bright the room was, and the figure's shadow it was reflecting off of. I don’t think shadows can reflect.
That voice was incredibly deep and sophisticated. “And very sexy. Mmmmm.” What really scared me, was the figure. Lingering.
The figure wasn't talking. “The voices in my head were.”
For the voice was coming from the blue light, a familiar blue light.
The plot hole. I kind of wish this wasn’t a reference to Demo Reel, because I’d love to say, “Wow, your plot is so bad that the plot holes are talking to you.” Unfortunately, I can’t. Now, I realize how silly and over the top that sounds, but, like I said, this is a retelling of what happened in my dream. You have some weird ass dreams. I don't want any comments complaining about the "lack of realism". I didn’t expect this to be realistic in the least. Also, no one - besides you, author - has commented on your work, except me, when I asked why this wasn't on the Trollpasta Wiki.
Anyway, the plot hole lured me into it's gaze. As I walked in, a booming voice shouted, "no more walking." “Sit your ass down!” I stopped at it's command. “The plot hole is my God now.” The next thing I remember is....walking into a strange room. Oh no, he’s got the Shatner Disease! Run for your lives!
The room...it looked like a kitchen, for some reason. I noticed a figure standing in the corner of the..."kitchen" Why the quotations?
"Come, Donnie." Donnie did so, and now needs a new pair of pants.
The voice was somehow comforting. The voice came from, what I could make out, a woman. Scarlett Johansson? The woman seemed very supportive, as I was wearing the black tie that I had seen....hanging.
"You have a very big day, Donnie. Let's go."
I was taken by the hand, I felt a strange sense of security as I was holding her hand....like nothing wrong would ever happen...every problem had just...evaporated. These ellipses are getting very annoying. A flash of light violently filled up my eyes. I saw nothing but the womanly figure...dying. Laying dead. On a floor. AND NOW I’M LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND! PLOT HOLE, PLOT HOLE! I heard crying. A child crying. No, that’s me. I’m laughing so hard at the stupidity that I’m crying. I lifted my arms to find that....I was Donnie. Gasp!
I woke up, in a cold sweat, forgetting everything that had happened in my dream. If you forgot it, then how did you remember what to write? For some reason, I was still scared. I didn't know what it was. I kept sensing someone gazing at me through my window, Slender Man…it’s actually alright with me if you troll this guy. I kept getting chills. So much so that I finally had the need to go outside with a crowbar, 4 in the morning, mind you. You get chills, and decide to go outside with a crowbar? Logic! Again, that blue light was blaring from an elongated distance....I felt scared. I screamed, my jaw was hanging as low as it could possibly go. HOW LOW CAN YOU GO? CAN YOU GO DOWN LOW? ALL THE WAY TO THE FLOOR? I...I was still in the dream. So a dream within a dream? BWAAAAAAAAAM.
I finally woke up, at a table.
The table....The table was splattered with blood. Well that’s just unhygienic. I quickly sprinted to my bathroom.
As I was washing my face, crying, as well....The person responsible for the blood on the table was behind me. Slender Man?
The Nostalgia Critic.
"It's only a matter of time, Donnie." “Soon we’ll be together forever.”
I stared into the mirror, my frightened face turned into a blank, sad frown. I immediately changed into my costume. I sat down. I felt my lips say the words...
"Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it, so YOU don't have to!" BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! God, this is stupid.
I think the writer was trying to be serious about the first one. I can't say the same here. I feel like the writer knew that what he was writing was hilariously stupid. That being said, the stupid outweighs the hilarious. This was completely unnecessary as a story, and as a sequel it doesn't really mesh well with the original. And, unlike the original, you don't have the Nostalgia Freak. Come on, man. The Nostalgia Freak was the best part of that.
Also, there's the author's random transformation into William Shatner, if those ellipses are any indication. Yeah, this guy can't write very well, to be honest.
Anyway, I'm the Goddamn Dorkpool. I Riff it so you don't have to.
So, what do you all think? Was this story good? Bad? Hilariously moronic? Was the Riff any good? Do you miss the Nostalgia Freak? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.