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I don't know all that much about Clockwork, to be honest. As far as I know, she's supposed to be some killer who had a really crappy life and eventually went insane, and sewed a clock in her eye or something. Also, she appears to be an example of someone writing from the "Jeff formula": person has crappy life (is bullied, abused, etc.), goes insane, gets a power or powers of some sort, and becomes a killer. Anyway, I'm talking about Clockwork because the story I'm going to Riff is about her. Sort of. I got it from Trollpasta, under the category "Pasta Trying To Be Good When It Sucks Enough To Be A Troll" (Fun fact: "Jeff the Killer" is there). Anyway, let's begin this Riff before our time is up? (Get it, because Clockwork, and...yeah, let's get to the Riff.)
Hi, Call me Leon Hi, Leon. (It's not my real name but it's usable. You’re picking out a pseudonym, and you decide “Leon” is the best you can do? Why not “Super Awesome Epic Big Dick” or something?) a Few Years ago there was a incident with... with... “With my constant bedwetting.” Why dont we just start from the begining of the story, shall we? Alright. I would’ve preferred to start at the beginning, but whatever.
It was just like every normal day “The sun was out, the birds were singing, and some nerdy guy on the Internet was complaining about superhero stuff on the Creepypasta Wiki.” F**king school and there was my brother John. I didn’t know schools had asterisks in their name. Is it really called ‘F**king school’? “And this years graduates from F**king School are…” John wasn't doing well in school, every teacher in the School seems to have given him a G, For real they had to forget that g wasn't on the Letter Grade list because of John, I…I…there’s stupid, and then there’s what was just said. When he was in class he would draw in his book stuff like People being cut in half blood Gun Fights stuff like that, and the Teachers ended up telling him at the end of the year "Time's up John" he got angry about this, but on this fateful day. Rob Liefeld: The Early Years.
During Lunch on this day his Girfriend Marry wanted to see him after school at the old park, he repl ed saying "Alright Fine", After Lunch was Social Studies or S.S. I knew Social Studies made people Nazis! then was Art, after it was ELA, bet you can guess what he did during those classes. Asked the teachers if they raided Barry Manilow’s wardrobe? After School he went to the park and there was Marry waiting on the hill top near the tree, he walked up the hill and he was expecting her to say "Do me" or something like that That’s why John fails at school! He thinks with the wrong head! but she said "This is going to be hard for me to say but... I think we should see other people", he responded with "Alright i guess so, WAIT WHAT" Well, now we know why he’s considered slow. she reponded with "Your Failing in school, you draw very... dark drawings, we're like total oposites" then she walked away and John's heart was shattered. But doesn’t Marry know that opposites attract?
He walked home and kept his head down, I said to him "Hey Bro, whats going on?" he reponded with "Life is pain" Oh, god, he’s going emo! Run! i was mistified Mist is confusing, isn’t it? with what was going on so i said "You okay?" he reponded again with "Life is pain" i relized that he would keep responding to me with Life is pain so i just stared at him, “and decided to kill him.” Then i noticed he was mumbling to himself and was saying "She dumped on my chest, Why would she do that?" She dumped on his chest? Ewwww. Use a toilet, Marry. he kept repeating it, in my head i was saying "okay... Marry dumped him whats new?" Well, did you hear that life is pain? what i mean by that was Marry has a record of breakups all being ended with her dumping him, but Marry dated John for longer then any oth er of her boyfriends. Marry was actually Taylor Swift.
John walked upstairs and cried himself to sleep, when he awoke he didn't leave bed, he laid there for weeks, i finally got Marry to see how he was doing, me and her were just stairing at him lay there and she said "He's been laying here for weeks because of our break up" Yep. He’s just been laying there for weeks. He ate the bed sheets and urinated on the mattress. i replied with "Yeah, He can't get over it" Marry replied to me with "Owch, You might want to take him to a doctor" Let’s hope Matt Smith is available. i didn't take him for weeks, on week 8 finaly he got up he walked over to his private bathroom and he... got a needle and some stiching and stitched a smile into the side of his cheek with blood driping onto his fingers after every stich, Oh, no, it’s an even worse version of “Jeff the Killer!” i walked into his room and i noticed he wasn't in bed, i heard a noise come from the bathroom i opened the door and he stopped to turn around and look at me and I said "Oh my god, John... JOHN WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" Well, let’s see: he’s not very bright, draw rather dark imagery all the time, and stayed in bed for weeks because of a break up. he said "Leave me alone".
I ran out of the room and made a phone call, 2 minutes later they arived and ran up to John's room. Who exactly are they? John was still in the bathroom and he said "BACK AWAY, I GOT A KNIFE" “Bitch, I’mma cut you!” They shot him with a t. dart, hours later John awoke, started looking around and said "Where... WHERE THE HELL AM I" “You’re in Hell, John. Enjoy your stay. You’ll be sleeping between Hitler and the marriage of Peter Parker and Mary Jane.” i walked into the room and he said "LEON, WHAT IS GOING ON?" i replied with "You're going insane over a break up, why John?" Wow, what a shock. John said "Not just the Break up, My Life" i was shocked and replied with "What do you mean John?" He replied with "I Have had so many Damn Problems, SO MANY LOW GRADES, I KEEP LOSING FRIENDS, LIFE... IS... PAIN" You know what’s really pain? Reading this story. and at the moment... it hit me, HIT ME, BABY ONE MORE TIME! His life was full of issues and he was depressed he couldn 't take it anymore. So he killed himself. The end.
The doctor came in and asked me to leave the room so i left, i sat on the bench outside of the room, i heard him screaming and yelling and the intercom came up and said "All Doctors in sections D and E Please Report to room 317b" “Don’t send in security, just doctors.” That was my brother's room, all types of doctors ran into the room then the voice on the intercom came up again and said "Security to room 317b" they ran in, the intercom came up yet again and said "ALL STAFF PLEASE GOTO ROOM 317B IMEDIATELY" “IF YOU COME TO ROOM 317B, YOU'LL GET A COOKIE.” Every One who worked in the building agreed that this is probably the worst creepypasta they ever read Everyone who worked in the building is right, Then it came up again "Leon please come to Room 317b".
I walked in and there was my brother yelling "LET ME GO RIGHT NOW, I WILL KILL YOU ALL" All the Staff left the room and John Said "Why Leon, WHY WOULD YOU PUT ME IN HERE?" “Because you were a burden on the family, John, and they had a 50% off lobotomy sale.” Then he jumped out the window thank god we were on the first floor or he would have died, Oh no, he might have died. Whatever would we do if he did? then i asked what they were doing to him one the them said "Trying to kill him, He's Dangerus so we tried to ingect him with cyanide". Shame you guys failed. Also, I'm pretty sure that's illegal. And don't you guys have restraints or something? I said "... ARE YOU INSANE" then the same doctor said "No, Your Brother's insane!" True dat. I got a phone call from Marry, she said "John ran into your house, Should i call the police" I said "no".
I ran home and he was in his room with a Knife in hand a bloody shirt and there was one eye on the floor... then i said "John?... John are you alright?" he turned around and i saw a pocket watch in his right eye, John said "John is Gone, i am Clockwork" Isn’t Clockwork female? i was terified and then i said "John... look what you've become" then he said again "Who's John, I'm Clockwork" i said "NO, Your not John or Clockwork, YOUR An INSANE FREAK" Gee, I had no idea. John or... Clockwork said "Brother, You wouldn't hurt me would you?" I Said “Bitch, I might.” "Your not my brother anymore, Clockwork" i ran into my room and hid i grabed my Baseball bat, He ran in and said "Come on out Leon, Time to play" “Do you want to play a game?” and i jumped out of the closet Leon finally came out of the closet. We’re all so proud of him. and bashed him in the head as he tried to get up i hit him in the Head again the Pocket Watch eye fell out of his head, according to the pocket watch, it’s “End this damn story o clock.” when i tried to hit him again he grabed the bat and threw it then he grabed the pocket watch which apears to have been dis asembled and then grabed my leg and threw me out the 2 Story Window and he started to Evily Chuckle. Who needs maniacal laughter when you can just Evily Chuckle?
I snapped like him, My skin turned black, my eyes turned all blue and my hands were all of a sudden holding sharp swords. Ummm, I’m pretty sure falling from a second story window doesn’t make you change colors and get weapons. But I could be wrong. Let's ask Gwen Stacy, she's fallen from a high place and oh, right. Never mind. I jumped back into the room and said in a morbid voice "I... AM... LEON CLOCKWORK" I thought your name wasn’t Leon, and just a pseudonym. We started a battle of good vs. evil. Who’s good and who’s evil? Because all I see is bad. Of course, it could be because I’m talking about the story in general. I swung my sword and the knifes got knocked out of his hands. He ran for them and jumped down off the balcony and ran out the door but before he did he said "Leon, You have always been a Goodie Goodie little two shoes" “Well, I need to get my blades. But before I do, let me say something incredibly cliché and stupid.” he stormed out i transformed back into my normal form Of course, he had to spin around a few times before that happened. but i knew that when we next met i would change back. There have been 3 reports of Clockwork killing 3 students and Marry was one of them, Wait, Evil Clockwork killed Taylor Swift? i have not yet found the location of where he currently is but i know we will meet again i am Leon......... Clockwork Seriously, I thought Clockwork was female.
So that was "Clockwork: Origins", and, well, it's hard to really feel hate for it. Is it terrible? Very. But I think it was meant to be terrible. Despite the category it was placed under, I do think it was actually a troll. But there were quite a few jokes I could make about it, so I decided to Riff it.
So, what do you all think? Is it a troll? Is it real? Or is it just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from...sorry, I just really like that song. Leave your thoughts and comments below.