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Creepypasta Riffs: Born of Science: The Birth of Jane the Killer

Dorkpool March 17, 2015 User blog:Dorkpool

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Remember Jane the Killer's creation? How she was given something called Liquid Hate in order to have Wolverine's healing factor and kill Jeff the Killer? You don't? Not surprising, since you all know the mainstream version of her origin. Posers. No, the true origin involves SCIENCE! And advertising. So, let's make Man of Steel look subtle when it comes to product placement, and Riff this bitch!



2002 was never a good year for Jane Richardson. 2002 wasn’t a good year for anyone, to be honest. Losing both of her parents to Jeff the Killer, tackling a job at IHOP as a waitress, with barely enough money to get by on, and being both mother and father to her little sister Jessie, who was 13 years old during that time. Jane's aunt Samantha Engle graciously helped out her nieces are far as money was concerned, so it wasn't a total loss for Jane. “Also, her night job as a stripper helps.” (Hey, it explains the body glitter from “Jane’s Letter) After all, Samantha was Paula's sister, and after her death, Samantha felt it was right to take care of her sister's daughters. One day, while Jane was working her usual shift at IHOP It seems that IHOP is overbearingly advertised in a couple of things. Man of Steel, now this. Who does IHOP blow to get these endorsements? and on her break, she came across an ad in the newspaper sponsored by her local blood bank. In the ad, it was said that the person would be paid $150.00 for their distribution. But they had to be a really healthy blood type in order to qualify. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that a “healthy blood type” is impossible. Healthy blood? Perhaps. But not a blood type. $150.00 just for giving blood? Was this too good to be true? Well, duh.


Jane thought it would be good to take that money and pay off her month's rent. So why not? Because they could inject you with something. After all, she did have clean blood. Without hesitation, Jane wrote the address of the local blood bank down, plus the phone number, finished off her orange juice and went back to work. Another waitress, Alexis, who was covering for Jane noticed her mood was more optimistic and appeared more pleasant as usual, refilling other customer's drinks.


"Well, someone is really happy today." Alexis said.


"Why wouldn't I be? “I just got laid!” I found an easy way to pay off my month's rent." Jane replied, pouring a fresh cup of coffee for a random man.


"Thanks." the man said.


"Oh yeah? What?" Alexis asked.


"The blood bank is offering $150.00 for anyone giving blood-- you had to have healthy blood it said." Jane said.


"Whoa. I never heard of that, Janie. Usually, they'd pay you 25 bucks." That doesn’t sound right, but I can’t disprove it. Alexis replied, refilling a customer's soda.


"Somehow, they must have made a few changes." Jane said, chuckling.


"You gonna swing by?" Alexis asked.


"After I leave here tonight." Jane replied.


Jane and her friend worked on through the night until the atmosphere of this IHOP was calm, laid back, and less rushed. This is the third time they mentioned IHOP. It’s kind of annoying. The lights of the shopping center where the restaurant was shined through the windows, random cars on the highway passed by in the distance, motorists who were looking for a bite to eat, getting off work, or going home sat the mood for this particularly lazy California night. KTLA News 5 was giving a report of the LAPD still pursuing Jeffrey Woods aka Jeff the Killer, Ok, I have a question: why is he called Jeff the Killer in this universe? Is it a name given to him by the media? Because if so, it’s kind of stupid. the one responsible for the murder of Jane's parents. The police commissioner said that they were having a hard time catching the suspect and had to enlist the aid of the FBI, CIA, and Department of Justice in their manhunt. Yes, it’s such a pain to catch a 13-year-old kid who looks like the Joker in a white hoodie. It would make Jane feel better to not only have Jeff captured, but wiped off the face of the earth entirely. Amen, sister. One of the customers in IHOP that Jane noticed was a man in his late 40s, with short brown hair, a goat-e, sunglasses, and wearing a black three-piece suit and tie, crisply pressed. Slender Man got a face and hair, it seems. He looked like Walter White with hair. But he’s wearing a three-piece suit, not tighty whities. Another distinguishing feature about this man was a blue tooth ear piece hanging on his left ear lobe. He browsed through the menu, and surveyed the employees. He paid close attention to Jane, almost as if she was a famous person.


"Hello, sir. What can I get you tonight?" Jane asked, smiling.

“I’ll take some head,” he said.


"T-Bone Steak & Eggs." the man said.


"How do you want your steak?"


"Well-done, eggs over-easy."


"Well-done, over-easy... Oh, I just wanted to let you know that we have a new pomegranate pancake syrup. Something I made." “That’s why it’s drugged.” Jane replied, taking the man's order.


"Wow, that sounds like a winner. You made the syrup?" the man asked.


"Sure did." Jane said, cheerfully.


"You got a lot of talent." the man replied. Dude, she made syrup. It’s not like she’s a good writer or actor or artist or something.


Jane went back into the kitchen to get the man's food prepared. While he was waiting, he fumbled with a button on his ear piece.


"We found the perfect woman, sir." the man said, speaking at a low volume. “Does she have a nice personality?” the person on the other end asked. This man was actually an FBI agent. Agent Marcus East was still hunting down Jeff the Killer. Despite the LAPD's futile efforts and Agent East's determination, he was gonna stop at nothing until Jeff was captured. Seriously, he’s a 13-year-old. He shouldn’t be giving the authorities this much trouble.


"Excellent. Gather the other agents for next week... We know of a way to go after Jeffrey Woods..." “We’ll make a love interest for him.”


"Understood..."


Jane brought out East's meal and a fresh cup of coffee.
"Thank you very much, ma'am." Agent East said pleasantly.


"You are certainly welcome, sir." Jane replied.


An hour later, Jane clocked out and left for the night.


"I'll see you tomorrow, Alexis." Jane said.


"See ya, Janie." Alexis replied.


After 30 minutes of being on the road, Jane came across the blood bank. She expected the building to be closed for the night, but oddly, it was open. This must have been a 24-hour deal. The outside of the building looked like total shit, but the interior was very pristine and sterile, similar to a doctor's office. Jane approached the receptionist at the desk and announced she was there to give blood. The vampires in the waiting room smiled at that.


"Good evening, ma'am. How can I help you?" The receptionist asked in a warm, friendly tone, smiling.
"I came across your ad, saying that you would pay anyone $150.00 for simply giving blood."


"Wonderful. What's your name, dear?" the receptionist asked.


"Jane Richardson." In case anyone is wondering, this is a different Jane the Killer. Yeah, there are two who exist in different timelines, I guess.


"Okay, Miss Richardson... You go down the hall, second door on your right." The receptionist said.
"Do I have to sign any papers or anything?"

“A will.”


"No."


"Oh, thank God." Jane replied, laughing heartily. The receptionist laughed along with Jane.


"I'll have your cash ready for you when you get done, honey." the receptionist said, smiling.


Jane did indeed have healthy clean blood. O Negative was her blood type. What an important fact. After what seemed like hours, but only a few minutes, the doctor who extracted Jane's blood put a bandage over her spot and wished her a good night. Out front, the receptionist was going through files on her computer when she saw Jane.


"Man, that needle hurt like hell." Jane said, chuckling.


"Your arm is gonna feel sore for a day or two." The receptionist said.


"Tell me about it."


"Okay, here is your cash, Miss Richardson. $150.00." 


"This will take care of my month's rent." Jane replied.


"Behind on your rent, huh?" The receptionist asked. Well, duh.


"Lot of stuff that's been going on, me losing both of my parents and all..." Jane said.


"Aw, I'm so sorry."


"It's just me and my little sister. I have to be both mom and dad to her."


“Ok, but I really don’t care.” The receptionist said.


"Well, my condolences go out to you and your sister, Jane." The receptionist said, sympathetically.


"Thanks, that means a lot."


"You have a wonderful night, sweetie. Stay safe."


"You too."


The following morning, Jane was able to pay her month's rent and wouldn't have to worry about it until next month. While working the day shift at IHOP Dude, you’re dropping the word “IHOP” like Lil’ Wayne drops the n-word. You’re making Man of Steel’s advertising look subtle., Jane got a call from the blood bank she visited just the other night. What could it be?


"Thank you for calling IHOP, now serving pomegranate pancake syrup and our new stuffed French toast. This is Jane Richardson, how may I help you?"


"Miss Richardson?" Well, duh.


"This is she."


"My name is Beth Williams, one of the doctors at the Bio-Medics Blood Bank. We were wondering if you could come by next week to give another sample of your blood?"


"Um, okay?"


"We will pay you $10, 000 dollars."


Jane went silent for a few seconds. Ten grand for another sample of her blood? Was this for real? First, we had the Nigerian Prince scheme. Now we have the blood extraction scheme. When will these end? "Miss Richardson... are you there?"


"Oh... yeah. I'm here. You said... ten... thousand, right?"


"Yes, ma'am."


"Okay, I'll see you next week."


"Thank you so much, Miss Richardson. We will see you soon. Bye."


"Bye-bye."


[Hangs up phone] Why the bracketed phrase? Did MrAngryDog forget he wasn’t writing “The Steve Wilkos Show Lost Episode”?

One week later...

It was the start of a beautiful day in the City of Angels. It’s Los Angeles. It’s not beautiful. Jane returned to the Bio-Medics blood bank to distribute her blood and score an easy ten grand. She wouldn't have to worry about money troubles ever again. It’s $10,000. It’s a lot of money, but since you’re in California, it probably won’t last very long. But why was Bio-Medics going to pay Jane $10, 000 dollars? She couldn't figure it out herself, but if it meant to put that money into an account and making sure her and her sister were financially secure, then why not? Because you might be getting trolled. Jane saw the same receptionist from last time, and still remembered her, and the doctor who drew her blood was there as well. When it was all over, Jane claimed her cash, stuffed it into her wallet and was on her way. Just as she was about to get into her car, a couple of well-dressed women approached her. “We’re the Fashion Police. You’re under arrest for wearing that shirt with those shorts.” One of them flashed her CIA badge and announced:
"Jane Richardson?"


"Yeah?"


"Agent Tanya Margolis, CIA."


"What's going on?" Jane asked very puzzled.


"You didn't do anything wrong, Miss Richardson. Don't worry. But I was wondering if you would come with us."
"Where at, exactly?" “To Area 51.”


"You will see. Come with us." the second agent said.


Without hesitation, Jane got into the limo with the other agents. Where were they taking her? Why did they choose Jane? Jane, I choose you! Was there any significance? The two women were taking Jane to the CIA headquarters in Los Angeles Wait wait wait. There’s a CIA headquarters in Los Angeles? I call shenanigans., and they were going to explain everything to her as soon as they arrived. Ninety minutes later, “the limo crashed” the limo arrived outside of the headquarters. Jane noticed there was also a U.S. Marshals and FBI van parked outside. What was this all about? Jane couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. No matter how many times she asked the agents, it was always the same “Shut up and eat your pancakes.” "That information is classified." Jane wanted answers. She wanted to know what was going on. Once inside, Jane was greeted by a refreshing cold breeze that seemed to be coming from the central air units. It was the hottest day ever. Two things: first, they said it was a beautiful day. Second, come to Florida if you want heat. Jane was lead to a room that looked like a police interrogation area. There inside was another male agent. Jane sat.

“Mr. Anderson,” the agent said.


"Welcome, Jane. We've been expecting you." the agent said.


"You mind telling me what the hell is going on?" Jane asked very suspiciously.


"Not at all. First off, I just wanna say, I'm sorry for the loss of your parents. I know how much you loved them. I take it you heard that the LAPD has been having a difficult time pursuing your parents' assailant, Jeffrey Woods... “Yeah, the LAPD is kind of incompetent.”"


"Jeff the Killer?" 


"Exactly. We also got in touch with the FBI, U.S. Department of Justice, and the U.S. Marshals and they are gonna see to it that Jeff is stopped once and for all."


"But what does this have to do with me?"


"After receiving word of your blood transferral at Bio-Medics, it is apparent that you are the perfect blood time “Perfect blood time?” That’s a thing? Is that a spinoff of Adventure Time? and maybe the key to stopping Jeffrey woods."


"So, let me get this straight," Jane said, trying to piece together what the agent said, "After I gave my blood, you and these other agency guys want to use me to stop that son of a bitch Jeff?"


"Yes, ma'am. All you have to do is meet with our doctors... Matt Smith?"


"Just... meet up with the doctors?" Jane asked.


"Yes, ma'am." the agent replied.


"And then I'm free to go?" 


"In due time, I promise you."


"Well... okay." Jane said, hesitantly.


After she was lead into another room, one doctor did an eye scan of her ice blue eye after giving her a vision test, reading an eye chart, etc. The scan of her pretty blue eye Wait, so she has blue eyes, right? was stored into the computer. Next doctor to examine her was a cardiologist. Following a few brief questions such as her date of birth, height, Short weight, Morbidly obese that sort of thing, Jane had her blood pressure checked, which was 120 over 80. The normal blood pressure for a healthy young lady.
"Very good." the cardiologist said.


He checked her heart beat and asked her to breath when using his stethoscope. The cardiologist wrote down everything. Next, a general practitioner was to examine Jane. Checking her eyes, ears, throat, testing her reflexes, you name it. Why would I name the clown from that Stephen King book? Jane passed with flying colors. Jane thought that she was going to leave this building with no problem and be on her way, but when she was lead down a hallway by two guards, she noticed in one of the rooms, stretchers lined up with blankets covering the bodies. A total of 25 people, all young women. Dead. I love how she counts how many corpses are there. What was going on here? She started to get freaked out at the sight of the lifeless women who haven't been disposed of and anxiously asked where the guards were taking her. They refused to answer. So, out of instinct she began to assault the guards, incapacitating one of them. Her fighting skills she learned from Mary's Mary? Who the hell is Mary? father Sheriff Nick, really paid off. In the midst of the brutal melee, Jane was tackled and sedated by one of the doctors. Her world began to blur and fade... black.

[Jane groaning]


"W... W-Where am I?" Jane asked, coming to.


She was strapped to a chair similar to what you'd see in a dentist's office. Disturbingly kinky. Around her, the room looked like an operating theater, bathed in a bright white light which gave the room a clean appearance. Jane couldn't see anybody because all that was in the room with her, facing towards her was a two-way mirror. She felt something on her forehead that was similar to a headband, but saw electrodes and wires running away from her. So she’s going to get electro-shock therapy? Her hands and feet were secured in place. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't break free. A few seconds later, she heard an unknown female voice on the intercom. It must have been that of an agent, researcher, or scientist. “In truth, the voice belonged to Betty White.”


"Miss Richardson, can you hear me?" the voice asked, almost sympathetically.

"Who's there?" Wait, she didn’t say, “Knock, knock.”

"It's me, Dr. Beth Williams from Bio-Medics. I didn't want to have you find out the hard way, but... “I’m pregnant” some of these agents and government officials tell me you have a very healthy blood type, and from what I could gather, they were correct. If you are wondering, it was me who sedated you. I did not drag you into the room which you are in, dear. I can assure you. I will be standing by to monitor your vitals through this process." Dr. Williams said. Wait, I thought she didn’t know who said that.


"What are you talking about?"


"Jane," Agent Margolis said, Wait, are the agent and the doctor the same person? Story? Answer me, please. "We brought you here because you are the perfect blood type, and also the candidate for the following experiment that's been funded by the U.S. Government, totaling in at $6.9 million dollars. So that’s where our tax dollars are going. We have received word from the LAPD that they had trouble in capturing the suspect responsible for the death of your parents Bruce and Paula, and we, along with the FBI, Department of Justice, and the U.S. Marshals agreed to help in the capture of Jeffrey Woods. Wait, so there’s an experiment that was created that cost $6.9 million, and only to stop Jeff the Killer? How long has he been around in this universe? If you haven't noticed, there is an intravenous needle in your arm. One of the scientists will be bringing in the serum to replace with your blood. This serum is classified, but it will ultimately help you in getting revenge on the one who took your parents' lives..."

Just then, a scientist and doctor came into the room, prepping Jane. The scientist came in with the Liquid Hate. Liquid Hate? Isn’t that what I secrete while reading a lot of the stories I Riff? The container was a gallon and a quarter with a biohazard symbol on it. The light from overhead casted in the liquid giving off a pretty glowing purple. It may be very dangerous, but at least it looks pretty. The doctor who came in was there to make sure everything was ready and to monitor Jane's safety. He assured her she had nothing to be afraid of and that she was gonna be okay afterwards. Translation: “We have no idea what will happen and you’re probably dead.” This made Jane feel somewhat better. A part of her was scared to death, but the other half of her showed no fear and she was ready. The doctor put the intravenous tube into Jane's arm. The one tube ran into a container that would collect Jane's blood, and shipped to the American Red Cross for patients who had the same blood type as Jane, and to receive a healthy blood transfusion. Well, at least these doctors want to help people. The other tube was attached to the container holding the Liquid Hate. Wait, so is she being injected with this Liquid Hate while her blood is being drawn? I’m pretty sure that the people who get that blood will also get whatever the Liquid Hate gives Jane. So in a way, this was just like an embalming fluid prep setup, but with an experimental liquid. Despite being reassured by medical personnel that she had nothing to be scared of, a single tear ran down her face. Pussy.

The process began. The voices that Jane heard, the scientists, the government officials, FBI, CIA Agents, U.S. Marshals, researchers, began to sound distant. If something were to happen to her, she would see her deceased parents. On the other side of the two-way mirror, doctors were monitoring Jane's vitals, her heart and brainwaves, etc. Her heart was beating at a steady pace, showing the EKG beeping, the readings of the EEG, showing normal brain activity. She has brain activity? Could’ve fooled me. Jane saw her blood being drained slowly, this didn't bother her at first... but as it began to increase, she felt very weak and drowsy, almost like she was being smothered by an unknown person with an ether-soaked rag, and in the next few minutes, Jane's surroundings began to disappear. First, into a state of unconsciousness and weakness from loss of blood in her body... then... dead. She’s dead, Jim. The heart monitor in the other room flat-lined, the EEG went flat... for that moment, Jane was clinically dead.  Alright, story’s over! END R- Jane felt a gentle, familiar hand on her face, caressing her. God damn it. It was her mother, Paula. She opened her eyes, and despite being deceased for over a few minutes, she was still in the room. Her father, Bruce Wayne or Banner?, was there as well... 


"Mom?"


"Don't be afraid, Janie... mommy's here." Paula cooed sweetly. She saw Jane's eyes welling up with tears and held her daughter in her arms, tightly, comforting her.


"Daddy..."


Bruce gave Jane a kiss on her head as he joined in to hold his child as well. Jane was weeping as she was glad to see her parents.


"You're going to be okay, kiddo... You're going to be just fine." Yep, because dead is totally fine. Bruce said softly, calming his daughter down. He was in full military dress, his medals shining in the light of the room Jane was in. His uniform was crisply pressed, his short hair shiny and brushed back. Almost as if he was going to attend a military ball. The Military Ball…OF DEATH!


"Mommy, what's going on?" Jane asked in a child-like tone.


"Well, since those doctors emptied your body, you went out like a light... But me and daddy are gonna stay here until you come alive, honey."  Wait, are these hallucinations? Or is she really speaking to her deceased parents?


Paula said in her soft-spoken voice, her words soothing Jane's heart.
"One thing I could never stand about IV needles is when someone can't find a vein to put it in. Amen, brother. That happened to me when I was a little kid and I suffered sepsis, and I felt like fricken swiss-cheese. Not just any swiss-cheese, but fricken swiss-cheese. That old hag couldn't put the needle in right. You should've known that having experience as a doctor and a pHd doesn't come with vision." Bruce said, smiling, laughing. This made Jane smile and giggle as she laughed with her daddy. She knew for the longest time that her daddy was very silly and made her laugh without even trying, and was still a goof-ball in the afterlife. That's also what Paula loved about her husband. “Also, he was great in the sack.” Jane's parents stayed with her until the Liquid Hate was administered.


"Your father couldn't stand needles being poked into him at all, honey. But getting like an allergy shot or vaccine, that didn't bother him. It was an intravenous needle that got on his nerves. Even when he was little, he fainted at the sight of a big needle." Paula said, chuckling.


"Hey, that thing was big!" Bruce replied comically. Things not said to Bruce.


"I know I'm gonna feel sore and stiff when I get up..." Jane said.


"Considering the chair you're in, I wouldn't be surprised, SHIA SURPRISE honey." Paula replied.


"I think tonight, you should take a nice hot bath with some Epsom Salts." Bruce said, caressing Jane's hair.


"Good idea." Jane replied. 


"You just remember one thing, my little Janie-baby, if you ever need me or daddy, we will be right here." Paula said, pointing to Jane's heart.


"And we will come live in your dreams, sweetheart. “So if you fuck up, we’ll give you nightmares.”" Bruce added, smiling.


"We are so proud of you. Jessie's lucky to have such a sweet sister. We will always be watching over you, love." Paula said sweetly.


"We love you, Jane." Bruce said.


"Oh, the purple stuff is about finished." Paula said, pointing to the Liquid Hate that was half-way empty.
"I love you, mommy. I love you, daddy." Jane said, giving her parents a hug before they returned to heaven.
"We love you, too, Janie." Paula replied, giving her daughter one final kiss goodbye.


Jane slowly regained consciousness and came to. The EKG and EEG roared back to life, showing heart and brain activity, her vitals appearing normal. As her vision adjusted, she saw she was still in the operating theater. When she looked down, she noticed her hands were now ivory white, she was pale like a corpse. My god, she’s whiter than Vanilla Ice! She screamed over the loss of her natural skin pigmentation and saw that her once-bright platinum blond hair was now coal black. She tried to break free from the restraints, thinking that she would fail, but somehow, with now-increased strength ripped both of the restraints off and jerked the wires off her head. JANE SMASH! She tore the leg restraints away and got up out of the chair. She looked towards the two-way mirror, now in a violent, angry, homicidal rage hollered: "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!"


"She's going to experience violent episodes and homicidal tendencies for the first 90 seconds..." But after 90 seconds, she’ll experience what, exactly? And why 90 seconds? One of the scientists said to the group.


"You are now full of Liquid Hate, Miss Richardson." Agent Margolis said.


"I LOOK LIKE FUCKING POWDER!!" Hey! The proper term is cracker.


"That's because your natural skin color went away, Jane."


Jane picked up a chair that was in the room and threw it against the two-way mirror, shattering the glass. She grabbed a hold of one of the doctors who were monitoring her vitals by the collar, slamming him against the wall with incredible strength, causing a huge dent. One of the scientists sounded an alarm for armed guards and medical personnel to restrain Jane. One pulled out a syringe, trying to aim for Jane's neck, but Jane took the needle and stabbed the doctor between the eyes and injected an air bubble into him. Death by air bubble. Fucking bubbles! (Yeah, I know, it’s not my joke, but it works) Two guards with automatic weapons tried to fire at Jane, but she grabbed both of their arms, causing them to fire at each other. Wait, they’re trying to kill the girl who they wasted $6.9 million on? Logic! One agent fired at Jane, but the bullet didn't phase her a bit. The wound automatically and quickly healed up. Great. Now Jane is Wolverine. She approached the agent who was still firing multiple shots at Jane, and snapped his wrist into, Into what? showing fractured bones and blood spurting everywhere. An orderly, standing in at 6' 5", 300+ lbs, tackled Jane, attempting to subdue her, but Jane had the upper hand, flipped him over on his side, and snapped him neck into. Him neck into what? Please explain. Just as carnage continued, Jane took the now-empty liquid hate container, broke it against the ground, took a sharp glass shard, and stabbed to death one of the agents. Yep, you used $6.9 million on her. What a great investment. Her clothes now stained with blood. Oh, I hate blood stains. They never wash out. Amidst the dead, broken, mutilated, bullet-riddled bodies and those who were out cold, Jane looked at the group who was in the room that now had no mirror and said in an ominous tone...


"Thank you for saving me. Thank you for making me what I am. I know now what I must do. “I must become the Swan Queen.” I must kill Jeffrey Woods and end his reign of terror forever. Please do. If he is not killed, more lives will be lost. I am much stronger now, I am unstoppable, unkillable. “I am become Jane, destroyer of bad Creepypasta characters.” Weapons are useless against me. Anyone who dares crosses me, I will be the last thing they will ever see. I will kill Jeff the Killer... and no one can stop me." Is that a challenge?

After 90 seconds, Jane's homicidal tendencies ceased and she was acting normal again. The same doctors who were examining her wanted to do X-Rays, MRI scans, and the final examination on her. Jane stood naked as the day she was born as physicians didn't see any abnormal changes. Considering how much they were probably ogling her, I believe them. No defects. She was even more beautiful despite the fact that she was pale white with black eyes.


"Okay, Miss Richardson... I want you to read what is on this chart right here..." an eye doctor said.


"E-F-P-T-O-Z-L-P-E-D-P-E-D-F-C-Z-P-F-E-L-O-P-Z-D-1-2-3-4-5-6-7. Printed by Century City Optometry, 10250 Santa Monica, Blvd, Suite 170, Los Angeles, California, 90067." Smartass.


The eye doctor was flabbergasted that Jane read everything down to the fine print. He took a magnifying glass and saw the address and company name at the bottom of the eye test chart."


"Ummm... wow... Such words. Much reading." he said, dumbfounded.


"So, doc, are there any other tests today or can I just walk out of here and be on my way? ...Well, are you gonna give me another visual test or just stand there and stare at me all day?"


"Um, I'm just gonna stand here and stare at you all day." the eye doctor said, seeing Jane fully naked. So that $6.9 million was used to create a piece of ass for doctors to stare at? Our tax money, everyone!


"So, I'll take that as a 'you are free to go?'"


"Yeah..."


Jane took her blood-stained clothes that were in a hospital bag and walked out fully nude, not caring that people are looking at her. That won’t draw attention to herself or anything. On her way home, she saw clothes that were hanging out to dry on a clothes line outside a little suburban home. These clothes matched her frame. There were a pair of black sweat pants, a sleeveless black under armor shirt, and a black hoodie. You know, I wish I made a drinking game for this story. The rules would be as such: every time a product is advertised, take a shot. But I plan to bring the drinking game thing back for my Riff of the Sonic.exe sequel. (That’s not going to be until season two though) They all smelled sweet as she pulled them off the clothes line and got dressed in broad daylight. The only article of clothing that weren't blood-stained were her black Skecher's sneakers. He actually misspelled the product he was advertising. Wow. She slipped on her socks and shoes and called Jessie, and told her she was okay... Jessie waited back at home for her sister to return.

Also, Mary was waiting. Jessie immediately ran into her big sister's arms, gasping emotionally, giving her a big hug. Mary hugged both Jessie and Jane and gave her honey bunny a kiss on the lips. Oh, Mary’s her honey bunny! Ok. That explains it.


"Baby, I'm so glad you're okay... I was so worried." Mary said, emotionally, glad that Jane was alright.


"I knew you would come back..." Jessie said through tears of joy.


"Of course I did..." Jane replied, giving her little sister a hug, still emotional.


Jeff has some competition... I know. So many Jeff rip-offs. so as many other criminals out there...


Don't go to sleep, you won't wake up...


Jane the Killer is coming for you! Good. I’ll mark my calendar.


END RIFF

This could have been awesome. It's actually an interesting idea. However, this idea is smothered in crap. What do I mean by crap? Well, the spelling and grammar isn't very good, but it's passable; the idea that Jeff the Killer is able to evade the authorities for so long; the idea tha $6.9 million was spent on apprehending him; and that the writer was more focused on product placement than explaining things. Seriously, what's with that? Is it to make the story seem more real? Because it doesn't. It takes you out of the story because you're thinking, "The product placement is annoying as hell!" Meanwhile, things like who Mary is (from what I know, she's her lesbian girlfriend) or what Liquid Hate is (seriously, the name is introduced out of nowhere) are glanced over. I should note that there are more stories set in the universe created by MrAngryDog, who wrote this story, involving Jane. And I'll Riff most all of them over the course of my Riffing series. But all in all, this story is not very good. It could've been, but betwixt so many problems, it ended up not being very good.

So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish Jane would kill me? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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