Remember when I Riffed "Father Malone" a couple of days ago? Well, the story I'm Riffing now comes from the same place (Creepypasta Land. No, really, that's what the site's called. The Creepypasta Land Wiki. Also, is it just me or does Creepypasta Land sound like an amusement part?) and I group in a similar category of "wasted potential." Why? Well, let's come up with a bunch of dumbass nicknames and Riff this bitch! (Note: That wasn't me being sexist)

Debbie Calloway was only 19 years old when she was abducted on her way home from school. “She was abducted by aliens.” She had become one of the many random victims that would become part of a madwoman's project to create life-size dolls. Ummm…there’s a DC villain who does that, but that person is male. Apparently this adaptation did the whole gender switch thing. The woman-- Isabella Paxton, “was kind of weird” was at one time a very talented doll maker, making the most beautiful, handcrafted and hand-painted porcelain dolls in the world. “That was many years ago. Now she just makes those creepy dolls in horror movies.” Her talent was unsurpassed. But somewhere along the way, Isabella snapped. Oh snap! She, along with her husband Jason, have kidnapped a total of 34 girls, Debbie being the 34th. Why 34? What, was there a “Kidnap 34, get 1 free” thing?

For over a year, the families of the victims have gotten so increasingly concerned over their daughters never being found, without so much as a sign of reassurance from their captors and when they would be returned... none of that came out of the captors. That second part is rather redundant. But for some reason, the parents continued to have hope “For some reason”? It’s to help cope, I guess. Or maybe they don’t want to believe their children are dead. that their children would return, and they never abandoned hope. Once again, redundant. The grotesque experimentation began. “Grotesque experimentation” is also an apt description of recent episodes of Gotham. Every single girl was dipped into burning hot rubber and plastic, their scalps removed and replaced with different wigs, their joints smashed and movable parts were put into place. Their eyes were removed and replaced with painted glass eyes. Question: where does Isabella get all of this? Is there a place you can buy burning plastic, wigs ,movable parts and glass eyes in bulk?

Over the course of the next several months, the bodies of the girls began to pile up, and the smell of their flesh began to arouse suspicion to those in the countryside. They should’ve used Febreeze. But Isabella insisted that her toilet began to back up and that a horror movie was playing on TV, which would explain the screams of women. I’m pretty sure feces and death smell rather different. Also, does she have that movie on repeat? Was the local sheriff really that gullible? “Of course he was!” Poor Debbie, now 20-years-old, was trapped in the basement, Fifty Shades of Grey: deleted scenes on a steel carpenter's table. She felt her once-soft silky skin was now plastic and rubbery, the pain in her joints where the movable screws and latches were put into place began getting on her nerves... her beautiful auburn hair removed from her and replaced with a real black wig. Black wig? Are you really stealing from “Jane the Killer”? Also, why can’t we have a blond female serial killer? She felt like she was horribly reconstructed into a grotesque, but beautiful sex doll, and her former self was stripped. Wait, Isabella was making sex dolls? Weird and unexplained. I mean, normal life size dolls make some sense, but sex dolls?

Despite her being mummified in rubber and plastic, she could still breath, and see. I call shenanigans. Jason had made modifications on Debbie. “He made her faster…stronger…smarter…-cue Six Million Dollar Man theme-” He didn't want to be involved with his wife's sadistic doll craftsmanship and knew that she was going to be arrested anyway. Wait, if he didn’t want to do this, why do it? Why not just call the cops and leave? It was later revealed that Isabella snapped because her husband's work was so much better than her's and she became so insanely jealous, that making human dolls would put him to shame. Wait, WHAT? Didn’t it say that her talent was unsurpassed? And why was she having her husband help her? Why not do it herself to show she can do better than he on her own? And why make him a doll? That would make some sense when you think about it. This is incredibly stupid. She was the bad one, he was the good one. Subtlety, who needs it? Debbie's scalp would tie Isabella to the crime—Oh, right, Debbie was a character. Also, that would be thing that ties her to the crime? Not living in a house where 33 other girls were killed and turned into human sized dolls? Apparently this story continues that grand tradition started in “Jeff the Killer” of ignoring how the justice and legal systems work. leading to her arrest, and her husband would be charged with being an accessory to the crime. Well, he should’ve turned her in when he found out she was doing this.

Debbie's whereabouts remain unknown and she kills those who try to use her as a sex doll and those who look at her wrong. Ok, there’s a picture with this story. I won’t show it; just Google “Bad Dream Debbie” to see what I mean. But who would look at that, and think, “Gee, I want to stick my dick in that”? Also, “those who look at her wrong”? Really? Why doesn’t she just by a coat and a hat or something, and stick to the shadows? Children are not afraid of her because she is... well, a life-size doll, and she is associated with children's play things. So because she’s associated with children, she won’t kill them? She has no reason to kill kids, because Debbie herself is still a little child in her heart. I’ll take your word for it, since I know almost nothing about her character. Anytime she is reported by those who witness her murders, it is always the same "a big Barbie doll did it!" Creepypasta Barbie! Comes with knife! (Murder victims not included) But their response would fall on deaf ears. Besides, who would ever convict a human doll? Those who have proof that she did it. Granted, she may be considered not guilty by insanity, but she’d still undergo psychiatric treatment. The last words that a person would hear before falling victim to Debbie are... “Notice me, senDIE!”

PLAYTIME'S OVER! “But this story isn’t. Yeah, we still have a bit of stupid to go through.”


“Mildly Original Jeff the Killer Wannabe” Psycho Doll

Terror Toy Oh, alliteration!

Slaughterhouse Sindy Wait, why Sindy? Her name’s Debbie.

Murder Doll Subtle.

Miss Knife-Happy I think I dated a girl who called herself that. She ended up trying to neuter me.

Bad Dream Debbie Ok, this name I don’t get. Why “Bad Dream”? Something like “Dead Doll Debbie” could work (In fact, I kept thinking that was her name), but why Bad Dream? She doesn’t do anything or have anything related to dreams or sleep or…ohhhh…I get it. It’s a reference to Jeff the Killer.

Bloodbath Barbie Does Bloodbath Barbie come with Malibu Bloody Whorehouse?

Nightmare Doll “Nightmare”? Like, you think this will give me nightmares? Oh, you overestimate yourself.  

This story could've been good. A living doll who kills rapists? That sounds awesome! But it doesn't work like that. Very little of the story is devoted to the title character, and instead gives background on the woman who makes her who she is. Speaking of that part, quite a bit of it doesn't make sense. So Isabella hates her husband and wants to outdo him? So she uses him to help her turn girls into human dolls? Like I said, why not start with her husband? That would make a perverse kind of sense. But instead it goes with the path more stupid.

Also, there's Debbie. We really don't know much about her. We're told some things about her, but we don't know her as a character. If you asked me to talk about her personality, I couldn't answer, because we don't know about her personality! Yeah, all that we know about her is that she's a living doll who kills rapists and those who look at her funny, but won't kill children because she thinks she's a child at heart. Why? I don't know. She was kidnapped when she was 19, and I don't consider that the age of a child. Maybe if we were told a bit about her, I might buy it. But as is, it's stupid. And, I should mention her name, the nicknames, and catchphrase. The name "Bad Dream Debbie" doesn't really work. She's a living doll who kills rapists. Where does one get "Bad Dream" from. Granted, it's probably a subtle (by the way, it's the only thing that is subtle in this story) reference to "Jeff the Killer" and his silly little catchphrase, but it's still stupid. Also, why were the nicknames included? They don't really add much to the story or character. Are they there to show us better names? Because most of them don't work. Honestly, I think the best name for her is Dead Doll Debbie. It has alliteration, and works pretty well. But whatever. Now, the catchphrase makes some sense, but why does she need one? Is it to make her distinguishable from the other million Jeff knockoffs? Honestly, she'd be more distinct if she were more of a character. 

This story could've been good. Like I said, a living doll who kills rapists would've been cool. But because none of the characters have personality, the plot of Isabella's makes no sense, and that Debbie is basically a Jeff the Killer knockoff, it sucks. It's honestly kind of disappointing.

So, what do you all think? Was the story good? (If you say yes, you're wrong) Was my Riff good? Do you wish I would be turned into a life size doll? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.