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Creepypasta Riffs: A Dead Bart Update

Dorkpool March 10, 2015 User blog:Dorkpool

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Why do a lot of things that don't need a sequel get a sequel? The Secret of NIMH (Which is getting a reboot for some reason), "Squidward's Suicide", Cars, Finding Nemo, Monsters, Inc., etc. (Yeah, you notice how a lot of sequels on this list are Pixar movies. This mildly annoys me. I mean, they'll give sequels to Cars, but haven't really done much with The Incredibles? Yes, I know they're working on it, but what's taking so long? Ugh) Why am I bringing this up? Because there's another thing to add to the list: "Dead Bart."

Yep, someone decided it would be a good idea to give a sequel to "Dead Bart", a story that's rather crappy. Will this sequel improve upon the original? Well, let's hope the phrase "hyper-realstic" isn't used, and Riff this bitch.




Well, I had to get rid of that computer I watched the episode on. “No one must know what was on my browser history.” Even after a complete reformatting, it never worked correctly. That’s what you get for wanting to see some dumbass lost episode. The episode file could never be deleted from it and it kept opening on its own. Well, that’s got to be annoying. “Alright, going to check my email and – GOD DAMN IT!” I wiped the hard drive clean several times and the episode wouldn't go away.

The sound control didn't work and it was a laptop, but the power never seemed to run out and I couldn't get it to turn off. Unlimited laptop battery? That’s awesome. I was going to keep the computer just so I'd have a copy of the lost episode, but looking at it was making me nervous. Then don’t use your computer a lot. Just write on it “LOST EPISODE” or something, hold onto it, and buy another computer. I had a recurring nightmare several nights in a row. Does it involve people on Mars having their eyes bulge out and their heads explode?

The episode was playing, but instead of the photo-realistic Bart corpse, If the picture attached to this story is a “photo-realistic” image, then I have to say that you don’t know what photo-realism is. it was myself at ten years old. I found a picture of myself at 10 Why? and the nightmare was closer to it than my own memory had been. I swear...that picture of myself at 10, dead, started flashing on the computer screen so quickly that I could never be sure. You swear it was there, but you’re not sure? Logic. After that, I destroyed the computer.

I haven't been able to get the episode out of my head, though, and decided to do more research to try to understand it. Are you serious? Just leave it alone.  What kind of a moron are you? Wait, you’re a main character in a bad lost episode Creepypasta story. Never mind. I found a few people online who seemed to know about it; apparently the episode aired once in a suburb of Portland, Oregon. Wasn’t it a “lost episode” that didn’t air? I have a cousin who was watching The Simpsons during the first season and lives around there, so I asked him if he remembered the episode. Yes, that’s smart. Bring back old and repressed memories for your cousin. You’re kind of a dick.

He asked me how I knew about it; it was a nightmare he had that he had only told his parents about, and I was only a few years old at the time. He had a nightmare about The Simpsons? Weird… I told him about the episode I saw and the people online who remembered it. He thought I was just playing a prank on him, Why is that the response people have whenever stuff like this happens? “Well, it’s creepy and weird. Must be a prank.” Seriously, at this point I know that if someone reports this kind of shit to me, it’s probably real. and when I got him to look at the online posts about it, he screamed and hung up. Good job! He hasn't responded to any attempts I made to contact him since. Congrations! You’re failure! (Yes, those typos were intentional)

Determined to get to the bottom of this, I kept searching online. Are you fucking serious? This gave you nightmares, and caused your cousin to scream and hang up. And you want to know more about it? I found someone who said they had a tape of it they would sell to me. YOU’VE SEEN IT BEFORE! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, YOU FUCKING MORON? I was nervous, but determined to find out the truth about this and end the matter. Why not ask Matt Groening or someone else? You got the original “Dead Bart” episode pretty easily. I bought the tape as well as a really old and cheap TV/VCR, since I had a feeling neither would be the same after I watched the episode. The TV/VCR needed tons of therapy after this was all over.

The episode was pretty much the same as the file I downloaded...I don't want to say anymore Well, that’s useful, thank you. Clearly this update was very important since your adding so much new information; this wasn't worth it and I'd give anything to go back to how I felt when I had the computer with the file scaring me. Why not go back to the way things were before you found the episode? I destroyed the tape, but it didn't help. The commercials on the tape... I don't want to remember them. “Oh, God, not New Coke! NOOOOO!” There were monsters from my dreams I had never told anyone about, news promos about tragedies that hadn't happened yet There was a preview for an episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”?, surreal computer generated animation that wouldn't have been possible in the 80s - or now for that matter. You clearly underestimate Pixar’s abilities.

A former friend watched it with me, but he saw completely different things Wait, why? That’s stupid. Your cousin never spoke to you again after you mentioned the episode, and you think that your friend will still be your friend after watching it?, with one exception. There was a seemingly live news report from June 6, 2013. In complete monotone, he recited the details of millions of people having died in their sleep, Yeah, I remember the day when millions of people randomly died. It was a weird day. some of them waking up for a few seconds first, rambling incoherently about something that people could only piece together had something to do with nightmares. I'm sure you can figure out what date was on the tombstones of the currently alive celebrities. May 23, 1969.

There was one difference in the episode itself, though. Better animation? The "joke" Homer told was completely clear on this version. “Honestly, it wasn’t that funny.” When it zooms in on Homer's face, while looking at Bart, he says:

"If only we all were that lucky." That’s not very funny. And considering who I am and what I do, I know a thing or two about comedy.

This story is somehow worse than the original. The main character is your standard lost episode moron who researches this episode he's seen and knows quite a bit about rather than just get rid of it, and then when he does get rid of the episode, he gets it again from someone else. Also, the last story left on some mystery. What did Homer say? What was the date on the graves? These are questions that didn't really need an answer, especially the date one. It's March 10, 2015 at the time I'm writing this. I have no recollection of millions of people randomly dying in bed on June 6, 2013, and a quick Internet search showed that not much happened on that date. So your little prophecy didn't come true. That's the problem with this kind of thing: when your prediction doesn't come true, you end up looking like a moron.

Also, there's the supernatural elements. In the original story, this episode was made out to be an episode written exclusively by Matt Groening that he regrets. How is it able to have weird computer graphics impossible in the 1980s, along with weird future stuff? (Granted, it didn't come true, but the writer implied it did in this world) Why does it have these supernatural abilities? Never explained. And this is something I would be curious about. See, this leaves the wrong kind of questions, the ones that make you think the answer is "Lazy writing." It doesn't build mystery, it just adds confusion. See, something like Slender Man works without having a lot explained about him because it makes him scarier. He's some unknown force that we're not sure where it came from, or how to stop it. That works. It doesn't here.

And there's the picture attached to the story. Unlike the "Dead Bart" picture, which was actually kind of creepy, this one isn't. While I frown upon the picture being the only scare in a story, at least they tried. Here, it's obvious that the writer of this story didn't try or care very much. Honestly, the only good things I can say about this story is that it had good spelling and grammar, was short, and didn't use the word "hyper-realistic." But really, it sucks. It's your typical cliched lost episode story that's completely unoriginal and had no effort put into it. It makes "Dead Bart" look good by comparison. Need I say more?

So, what do you think? Was the story good? (If you say yes, you're wrong) Was the Riff good? Do you wish that I would've died on June 6, 2013? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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