aka Dorkpool

  • I live in The USS Cheese Doodle (It's a weird name, but I have my reasons)
  • I was born on June 30
  • My occupation is Mercenary, Atheist Minister, Blogger, Smartass, Riffer, Reviewer, Writer
  • I am the GODDAMN DORKPOOL -cue electric guitars of awesomeness-
  • Dorkpool

    I'm Back (I Think)

    June 5, 2017 by Dorkpool

    Well, it sure had been a while since I've done one of these. Think the last time I wrote a blog post was in November of 2016. 

    Oh, the days before President Annoying Orange, how I miss thee.

    Anyway, I'm back...for now. Not sure how long I'll be back; it depends on what's going on in my life (which is none of your business). But, for now, I'm here.

    For those who don't know, or just forgot, I'm Dorkpool, nerd with a mouth, guy hoping not to get sued by Marvel, etc. I'm the guy who wrote all those Riffs a couple of years back (and ended up getting new ones banned from the Wiki. Oops). I'm also the guy who has written around...I wanna say a hundred or so blog posts complaining about things. 

    Yep. That's me. 

    Oh, speaking of the Riffs, I made a new …

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  • Dorkpool

    So a little while ago I did a review of Always Watching: A Marble Hornets Story (link here). The movie was, at best, average, and, at worst, a crappy money-grubbing product with the Marble Hornets title slapped on there to get some poor sucker to buy it.

    Anyway, it’s the subtitle of this movie that I want to talk about. “A Marble Hornets Story.” This implies some relation to Marble Hornets. However, as far as I know, there is none. Well, maybe some easter egg, but that’s it. And, I’m sorry, if you’re emblazoning the title of this movie with the phrase “A Marble Hornets Story,” you better have more of a connection.

    After watching this movie, I decided to rewatch Marble Hornets, to see if there was some connection I missed or something. Plus, I …

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  • Dorkpool

    Always Watching: A Review

    November 2, 2016 by Dorkpool

    So this Halloween, I decided to do two things. First, wear an incredibly well-fitting Spider-Man costume from the first Spider-Man movie that looks really cool. And second, while in said costume, watch the movie Always Watching. For those who don’t know, Always Watching is a movie about Slender Man and supposedly based on Marble Hornets, despite having little to no connections to MH. In fact, this Slender Man (or the Operator) has some powers that I’ve never really seen in any iteration of Slender Man.

    I’ve tried finding some behind the scenes stuff regarding this film that might clear some things about the movie up (like how this is supposedly based on MH despite having little or nothing to do with MH), but oddly enough I’ve found nothing abo…

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  • Dorkpool

    So, Syfy put out a second episode of “Channel Zero,” and I feel I have to review it. Why? Damned if I know. Anyway, let’s catch up a bit on what happened last time. Spoilers!


    Child psychologist and guy who had a twin brother Mike Painter goes back to his childhood home after being released from a psych ward. He decides to do a bit of investigation into the death of his brother and other kids. During this, he ends up at the home of an old friend where said old friend’s child, Katie, is watching an old show named “Candle Cove.” The next day, Katie goes missing and Mike assumes there’s a connection between “Candle Cove,” Katie, and the dead kids. Mike finds Katie, arousing the suspicion of her parents, and our final shot is of…Grave…

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  • Dorkpool

    Syfy recently started broadcasting a new show, Channel Zero. The reason why this information has some importance is that this show, for those who don’t know, is based on certain Creepypasta stories, most notably “Candle Cove.”

    I actually saw the show and decided, “Golly gee, I sure need to say things about it.” Why? Well, I have a penchant for not shutting up, and also to let everyone know I’m still alive and active. I’m not leaving, which a lot of people seem to be doing these days.

    Anyway, those things I need to say happen to be a review. Spoilers: I’ll be going through the whole episode, so if you haven’t seen it and have a thing against spoilers, then go do other things. I hear Pokemon GO and dank memes are pretty popular these days.

    So, t…

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