aka Dorkpool

  • I live in The USS Cheese Doodle (It's a weird name, but I have my reasons)
  • I was born on June 30
  • My occupation is Mercenary, Atheist Minister, Blogger, Smartass, Riffer, Reviewer, Writer
  • I am the GODDAMN DORKPOOL -cue electric guitars of awesomeness-
  • Dorkpool

    I don’t like making predictions. I find a lot of the time predictions happen to be wrong. Like, remember when everyone said Heath Ledger was a terrible choice for Joker, and then The Dark Knight came out and everyone was blown away by his performance? Or when Ben Affleck was announced as Batman and the Internet exploded in nerdy hate, and then Batman v. Superman came out and Affleck was one of the only good parts of an otherwise shit movie? Or when I saw the trailers for The Amazing Spider-Man, and thought it was going to be a great movie that based itself heavily off the comics, then I saw it and it turned out the writers didn’t seem to have read a single comic? 

    Admittedly, these are all examples based on comic book movies, but my point still …

    Read more >
  • Dorkpool

    Fun With Spam!

    March 23, 2018 by Dorkpool

    So I recently got some spam on my website ( ). This isn’t new exactly; I’ve gotten spam on the site before, along with some bizarre trolling at one point. Seriously, I need to regale you all with the saga of Faceless Ass and Benny Killer. 

    Anyway, let me set a scene. I went to sleep around 4 am, for reasons. When I wake up, I’m still half asleep, because I’ve never woken up and thought, “Well gosh golly gee, I’m super well rested and ready to take on the day! Get me some orange juice and balanced breakfast, because I want to do something wholesome today!” 

    So, I wake up and decide to check my phone. It’s sort of a habit I have. Wake up, check my phone, see who was bugging me during the night. I see I got an email from…

    Read more >
  • Dorkpool

    Some Blog Post Advice

    March 14, 2018 by Dorkpool

    So, I’ve been seeing a decent amount of blog posts recently that are basically, well, nothing. This bugs me more than a little bit, partly because I put a decent amount of effort into my blog posts. I write them out in Word, look over them, edit them, then post them. There are a ton I haven’t posted simply because I didn’t feel they were good enough. 

    Meanwhile, there are these little one to two sentence blogs that can’t even write those one to two sentences grammatically correct, or are reviews that are basically saying something sucks because it sucks or whatever. I could spend hours just bitching about these, since bitching about inconsequential idiocy is sort of my thing, but rather than bitch I’m going to give you folks thinking of wri…

    Read more >
  • Dorkpool

    So Jeff the Killer’s being talked about on the Wiki again. Well, Banning’s JtK rewrite is being talked about and shit on, which has been going on almost consistently since 2015. 

    Anyway, since people are talking about ol’ Jeffy again, I decided I’d like to say a thing or two about the character.

    I’ve made it no secret that I actually sort of like Jeff. After making fun of tons of his stories, I’ve come to have a minor appreciation of the character, and personally think that, as a concept, Jeff isn’t the worst. It’s just that most of the time, when people write about Jeff they forget things like a plot, or character development, or how to spell certain words. You know, little details like that. 

    That being said, people have been able to write …

    Read more >
  • Dorkpool

    Guess What's Back

    February 2, 2018 by Dorkpool

    To the folks who have been following the Riffs since they were booted off the Wiki, you might have noticed that they stopped a little over a year ago. Sorry about that. But hey, good news, they're back, and I intend to keep doing them. I also intend to lay off the story arcs, because dear lord are those bitches to write.

    Anyway, the link to the newest one is here . Sorry for advertising, but I felt some of you would like to know about this.

    Read more >