aka Dorkpool

  • I live in The USS Cheese Doodle (It's a weird name, but I have my reasons)
  • I was born on June 30
  • My occupation is Mercenary, Atheist Minister, Blogger, Smartass, Riffer, Reviewer, Writer
  • I am the GODDAMN DORKPOOL -cue electric guitars of awesomeness-
  • Dorkpool

    Slender Man Movie

    January 11, 2018 by Dorkpool

    You know, I had this whole thing made up for a comeback. Well, ok, it wasn’t finished, but it was something. I was gonna do this whole parody of a part from the comic The Dark Knight Returns, and call the post “The Dork Knight Returns.” It was gonna be a whole thing, triumphantly announcing the return of the Creepypasta Wiki’s annoying Riff-making asshole. But nooooo, Sony has to go and fuck it up for me. 

    God, it feels like The Amazing Spider-Man all over again. 

    So, why am I bitching about Sony right now? Don’t worry, it’s not about the Emoji Movie; that’s gotten way too much hate and discussion to be any fun to insult for a long period of time. Nope, it’s because Sony’s doing a Slender Man movie. They’ve got a trailer and everything! 

    Of cours…

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  • Dorkpool

    A Holiday Rant

    October 4, 2017 by Dorkpool

    So, I recently thought of Halloween, and decided to write something about it. I then blacked out, with only hazy memories of anger and profanity, and when I came to I saw I wrote something. I looked over it, and thought, “You know, this might be fun to share!” 

    Enjoy my hatred and anger.


    Ah, October. A month of pumpkins, spoop, and an excuse to walk around dressed as Spider-Man. Yep, the month of Halloween.

    I love Halloween, perhaps more than Christmas. On Christmas you have to give gifts and listen to really crappy Christmas music. On Halloween you get to cosplay, get candy, and listen to some dopeass spook tunes. Screw “Santa Baby”! Give me more “Spooky Scary Skeletons”! 

    One of my favorite parts of Halloween is looking at all the costume…

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  • Dorkpool

    I'm Back (I Think)

    June 5, 2017 by Dorkpool

    Well, it sure had been a while since I've done one of these. Think the last time I wrote a blog post was in November of 2016. 

    Oh, the days before President Annoying Orange, how I miss thee.

    Anyway, I'm back...for now. Not sure how long I'll be back; it depends on what's going on in my life (which is none of your business). But, for now, I'm here.

    For those who don't know, or just forgot, I'm Dorkpool, nerd with a mouth, guy hoping not to get sued by Marvel, etc. I'm the guy who wrote all those Riffs a couple of years back (and ended up getting new ones banned from the Wiki. Oops). I'm also the guy who has written around...I wanna say a hundred or so blog posts complaining about things. 

    Yep. That's me. 

    Oh, speaking of the Riffs, I made a new …

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  • Dorkpool

    So a little while ago I did a review of Always Watching: A Marble Hornets Story (link here). The movie was, at best, average, and, at worst, a crappy money-grubbing product with the Marble Hornets title slapped on there to get some poor sucker to buy it.

    Anyway, it’s the subtitle of this movie that I want to talk about. “A Marble Hornets Story.” This implies some relation to Marble Hornets. However, as far as I know, there is none. Well, maybe some easter egg, but that’s it. And, I’m sorry, if you’re emblazoning the title of this movie with the phrase “A Marble Hornets Story,” you better have more of a connection.

    After watching this movie, I decided to rewatch Marble Hornets, to see if there was some connection I missed or something. Plus, I …

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  • Dorkpool

    Always Watching: A Review

    November 2, 2016 by Dorkpool

    So this Halloween, I decided to do two things. First, wear an incredibly well-fitting Spider-Man costume from the first Spider-Man movie that looks really cool. And second, while in said costume, watch the movie Always Watching. For those who don’t know, Always Watching is a movie about Slender Man and supposedly based on Marble Hornets, despite having little to no connections to MH. In fact, this Slender Man (or the Operator) has some powers that I’ve never really seen in any iteration of Slender Man.

    I’ve tried finding some behind the scenes stuff regarding this film that might clear some things about the movie up (like how this is supposedly based on MH despite having little or nothing to do with MH), but oddly enough I’ve found nothing abo…

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