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hey jessa!

Appygut April 27, 2012 User blog:Appygut

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It's a scary thing to have to attend someone's funeral. Especially someone you used to be close with. I have no idea how or if I could handle losing someone I deeply cared about. Recently I have had to attend two funerals. My uncle, Shawn and a dear friend, Wade.Of course I was upset about my uncle's death but we weren't exactly close...Wade on the other hand was hard for me. I didn't show it at the funeral but Wade and I have had a few deep conversations together. Wade was the type of person that was addicted to drugs. He loved being fucked up and was constantly on them. I wanted to help him so desperately. I eventually gave up on the issue and moved on. This past Christmas we somehow found our way back to each other. We confessed that we both had a crush on each other and went with the flow from there. I guess I wanted more than what he could offer me and we stopped from there. I was upset by the way He treated me afterwards. I felt as if we connected on a different level but I guess I was wrong. A few months later, I noticed on Facebook that Wade was in a new relationship. He was "in love" with the girl and I found it hilarious. I placed a mental bet with myself claiming that in two days he would be with someone else. Of course I won that bet and he was also in love with that girl. This started an argument between us. We both said awful things and even though I'm not sure if he truly meant what He said... I know I didn't. Two days after our argument I found out he was in a coma. He recently just passed away. I have a younger niece named Emeri. If you know me by any means you know my nieces are my world. I would do ANYTHING for them. Seeing all of the death here lately got me in a weird mood. I have so much I want to teach Emeri and the world, however I'm not sure if I will be around to do that. Which made me want to write Emeri a letter. In the letter I explained everything to expect as a teenage girl and everything to avoid. After rewriting the letter multiple times I came to the conclusion that I honestly can't just write one letter and be done with it... I want her to be able to look back on my every day life and see what kind of person I was. Just in case I'm not around to tell her. Hence this huge paragraph. I've always wanted to change the world with my words and hopefully I'll get the chance to do just that.



If you, my reader, are willing to deal with my crazy mind... We can have an amazing adventure of life together.


If you're a bird, I'ma bird.

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