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  • (Note: I submitted this pasta here a while ago, and was told it needed more impact, so here's the re-write. Sti
    78237555 9ea7933e54
    ll a very old piece of work, so don't expect much.)

    Kyle hid inside the large dumpster, thinking about how great his prank would be. The smell was vomit-inducing, and he was gradually getting soaked in bin juice, but to him, it would be worth it to see the look on Samantha’s face when he burst out wearing the cartoonish cowboy gear he bought for Halloween.

    It was a Saturday, and unlike most high-school teenagers, Samantha was on her way to her part-time job at a local restaurant as a waiter, to help with her savings. Every weekend at 6:00 am, she would walk down an alleyway, past the dumpster, and across the road, where the restaurant was. But today was also Kyle’s favourite holiday: April Fools.

    Kyle had a reputation for being an awesome pranker, and soon, he would add his latest creation to the list of stunts and escapades he had remembered throughout the years. The plan was to scare Samantha, his girlfriend, by jumping out just as she walked past, shouting “YEEHAW!” as loud as he could, and blasting her with a confetti cannon he had brought with him. It was sure to be a fun time.

    A few minutes had gone by, and Kyle sat giggling like a 3-year-old, holding his nose. Samantha was the only person who used the forgotten alleyway, so he would know when she was there. He just had to wait a little longer for the sounds of those familiar high-heels…

    Kyle jolted suddenly as he felt the dumpster shudder and shake. Something was being pushed into the sides, squeezing the trash-bags together even tighter. He tried to yell out, but his face was being squashed against a large pile of dirty clothes. The confetti cannon slipped between the garbage, and the dumpster was lifted in the air as Kyle squirmed, trying to push away the miscellaneous waste that surrounded him.

    Finally, the dumpster was tipped upside-down, and Kyle tumbled through the open flaps onto the back of a garbage truck.

    Concealed completely by a mountain of filth, he let out a muffled scream. Moving his hand to his side, a watery substance was slowly pouring across his hip. It was blood. Kyle flung his head to the right to see a rusted pipe sticking through his torso. The sight was enough to make him vomit, as he puked onto a rotting piece of cauliflower. The pain was excruciating. A woozy sensation spread through Kyle’s head while he tried to push himself through a small gap between the trash-bags unsuccessfully. All that made it through was the hat, which rolled off his hair and tumbled into the open.

    Samantha paused at the end of the alleyway and checked her watch. 6:15. She was 10 minutes late. Cursing, she moved to the crossing point at the edge of the road and pressed the button. While she waited, Samantha noticed the large garbage truck to her right.

    Strangely enough, there was a crumpled, oversized cowboy hat sitting motionless next to a freshly-dumped pile of garbage She thought it looked familiar, but before she could dwell on that thought, the crossing light turned green, and she hurried over the road.

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    • You have the creepy factor in the trash.

      You have the horror of bleeding out in a trash bag and ending buried in the dump.

      You lose suspension of disbelief when that garbage truck rolls along. Kyle is depending upon the clicks of Samantha's heels to know when she is there, so he can hear clearly. A garbage truck is a large vehicle with a 400 horse power diesel engine, loud hydraulics and a whole lot of rattle. If you can hear heels, you'd hear that truck a block away. The truck is twelve feet tall and about 25 feet long. Unless this guy is a TOTAL idiot, he'd get out of the bin before he dies in it. You've got to explain that somehow.

      A fifth of Popov vodka and a fist full of Oxycontin can often explain why people try to hang out in trash bins.

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    • This is a good story! Please don't delete it. People should be allowed to share their work regardless if other people love it or hate it.

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    • Ahorsenamedraddish
      Ahorsenamedraddish removed this reply because:
      fs
      00:08, December 1, 2018
      This reply has been removed
    • Ahorsenamedraddish
      Ahorsenamedraddish removed this reply because:
      It's embarrassing. I am incorrectly correcting a correct correction. I am not spamming.
      00:08, December 1, 2018
      This reply has been removed
    • Just a Guy That Likes Creepypastas,

      You brought it to the Writer's Workshop for criticism. We try to help with our criticism. Thank those who spend their time to help you. Then step back and see where they are right.

      Dr. Bob

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    • I remember this story. I'm glad to see you've picked it up again and made some revisions. The added detail of Kyle in the dumpster is what this story needed. DrBobSmith does make a good point about the noisy trash truck, though. Hmm...

      Maybe think back to a situation you got yourself into that you discovered was much easier getting into than out of. True story: I got stuck in one of those couch/bed thing-a-ma-jig-jigs when I was a kid. I laid in wait to scare my brother.

      I heard him enter the room and went to spring out, but I hadn't thought about how to open it from the inside. I got my foot caught as well. My brother still brings that whole fiasco up every now and again. "Hey doofus, you remember that time you pranked yourself?". Anyways, good luck on your story. :)

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    • It literally has the same issues all over.

      The guy is still a moron.

      Physics are still broken, as Bob mentioned.

      How the hell do they not open the trash bin to empty it and discover Kyle inside? 

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    • Bloody Spaghetti,

      I can't believe it, but I am arguing about trash pick up.

      In the USA, a common residential trash truck is almost the size of a bus. Eight meters long, four meters tall. It doesn't look in the residential bins. It picks them up and dumps them.

      Trash trucks loading commercial skips or dumpsters are bigger still. They really do pick up the whole skip and dump it into the truck, all at once. Many of these trucks do compact the waste. CRUNCH!

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garbage_truck

      This is why you have to be careful when dumpster diving in the USA.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumpster_diving

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    • Perhaps it's the difference is bin styles... I think our Trucks are the same, at least in general structure. Though our bins are generally with a moveable lid. So sometimes the amount of open space at the top of the bin is enough to unload it the way it is, othertimes they have to force it open more than it usually is. 

      That's what I meant by "looking in", opening the thing, though yours are usually open, the large ones, if Im not mistaken. 

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    • There is very little to this story, and it is not very creepy. Ok, so some douche tries to pull a prank and ends up in a garbage truck and crushed to death. Why is someone being killed over their own stupidity scary? If anything this is a cautionary tale, not a Creepypasta.

      On top of that he would probably die if a pipe went through him. Plus he would be crushed by the compactor almost immediately.

      And as for the garbage truck debate, here in the United States trucks pick up the bins and turn them upside down over the garbage compactor which causes the flaps to open.

      Also note, the female term for female waiter is waitress.

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    • DrBobSmith wrote: You have the creepy factor in the trash.

      You have the horror of bleeding out in a trash bag and ending buried in the dump.

      You lose suspension of disbelief when that garbage truck rolls along. Kyle is depending upon the clicks of Samantha's heels to know when she is there, so he can hear clearly. A garbage truck is a large vehicle with a 400 horse power diesel engine, loud hydraulics and a whole lot of rattle. If you can hear heels, you'd hear that truck a block away. The truck is twelve feet tall and about 25 feet long. Unless this guy is a TOTAL idiot, he'd get out of the bin before he dies in it. You've got to explain that somehow.

      A fifth of Popov vodka and a fist full of Oxycontin can often explain why people try to hang out in trash bins.

      You make a good point about the noise of the garbage truck. I didn't think about that when I wrote the story. I might do another rewrite, so I'll figure how to work around that next time.

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    • Also, what were the 2 replies that got deleted? I didn't get a chance to see what they said, so could someone fill me in?

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    • Just a Guy That Likes Creepypastas wrote:
      Also, what were the 2 replies that got deleted? I didn't get a chance to see what they said, so could someone fill me in?

      They were both from Ahorsenamedraddish.

      The first one was just "fs" and the second one was "It's embarrassing. I am incorrectly correcting a correct correction. I am not spamming."

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    • NedWolfkin wrote:

      Just a Guy That Likes Creepypastas wrote:
      Also, what were the 2 replies that got deleted? I didn't get a chance to see what they said, so could someone fill me in?

      They were both from Ahorsenamedraddish.

      The first one was just "fs" and the second one was "It's embarrassing. I am incorrectly correcting a correct correction. I am not spamming."

      Thanks.

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    • A FANDOM user
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