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  • NOTE: this story is the work of RedNovaTyrant and was only uploaded by me as the author had trouble uploading it.

    When I was young, I loved Christmas as much as any other kid, but Santa Claus never made any sense to me. I was more in tune with reality than most children my age, and naturally I questioned silly things more than most. How were Santa’s elves able to “make” that video game I wanted in their workshop? I thought Nintendo owned Mario. Or how about the ever infamous “visiting every house in one night” question? Did the jolly man own some kind of… time extending device? Or perhaps the most obvious question of all: how could he have lived for this long?

    A lot of people say he trains apprentices who take over his place every few decades. Others claim he’s just immortal. Either way, I just went with the conclusion that it was my parents’ doing. Naturally they’d claim ignorance, saying it wasn’t them, but I still just went with what made sense to me.

    So one Christmas Eve, when I couldn’t sleep as these questions danced amongst my dreams of sugar cereals and new games, I decided to investigate the noises coming from my living room. This time, surely, I would catch my dad or mom in the act of stowing those wonderful presents under the tree, and at least then they’d let me in on the truth.

    But as I entered the living room, I saw a man before me that I did not recognize. He was dressed in red and white, with a slightly overweight body, and he wore a stringy fake white beard. His hair, or what remained of it, was greying around the edges of his classic Santa hat, and his eyes were wide in fright as he dropped a present under the tree.

    Being the intuitive youth I was, I came to one of two conclusions; either this was a home intruder stealing my family’s gifts, or this was the real Santa. I opened my mouth to scream, but the man rushed towards me and covered my mouth.

    “Shh! Shhhh!” He said, putting a finger to his mouth, trying a smile. Tears began to roll down my cheeks; I was petrified of this man. Then, slowly, he took back his hand, and extended it back out towards me in a shaky manner. “It’s alright there, y-young man. You know who I am, right..?”

    I nodded, not shaking his hand back. The trembling man nodded as well, then grabbed an empty sack lying on the floor, and gestured to the tree. “S-see? Here’s all y-your… presents! Now, run along to bed, or I might have to put you on the naughty list.” He started drifting towards the deeper, hearty voice stereotypically associated with Kris Kringle, but I wasn’t fooled.

    Regardless, I began to step backwards to the hall, and the man gave me a tip of the hat before walking to the fireplace of the room. I stopped and observed, confused as to how he was going to leave my house, but a blast of green flames erupted from the chimney, and the man fell back to the floor. I couldn’t see his face, but I’m certain it matched mine.

    A massive bony hand spawned from the fire, with pieces of fur and skin draped over it. Then the skull of what looked like a bull followed to match. “Eddie…” the monster declared, speaking to what I guessed to be the man on the floor.

    “No, no!” Eddie shouted back. “I did my part, see? Ten thousand houses, just like you said, right? Ten thousand… I-I did my part…”

    “And yet you allowed a human child to see you… You know the rules.”

    “L-l-look… I-I’ve learned my lesson, I’m sorry, I made a mistake. Just let me go, please… I delivered all the-“

    “Let you go? Did you let that woman go, Eddie? I don’t seem to recall you letting her go. This WAS your second chance, you fool. And you’ve wasted it.”

    “Wh-what are you going to do..?” Eddie whispered. I could make out his quaking figure being shadowed by the creature in the fireplace. There was no response from the monster, nor did Eddie make another sound. Then came a noise I was not familiar with - it was a crunch, with a soft beginning and snapping finish. The first time I heard it, I didn’t know what to expect, but when the creature reared its head towards me, I saw the red and white pants hanging from its mouth as it chewed on Eddie’s corpse, then watched it slurp up his legs like strands of spaghetti.

    I covered my eyes and tried to tell myself it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real. And after a quiet minute, I peeked between my fingers to see the monster staring back at me from the fireplace.

    “Now, run off back to bed, little one. Or else I might put you on the naughty list too…”

    My legs finally found the strength to leave, and I sprinted for my parents’ room, diving into the sheets with them. There wasn’t a trace of the events of the night before when my family went down to the tree the next morning. There was even a little note next to the empty glass and half eaten cookie on the table: Have a merry Christmas, S. Claus.

    As much as I tried to take in the warm, comforting atmosphere that came with Christmas Day, I couldn’t stop watching the fireplace, terrified that the monster would return. At the least… now I knew the truth about Santa Claus.

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    • Much appreciated, thanks :)

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    • RedNovaTyrant,

      Was this inspired by Père Fouettard?

      Dr. Bob

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    • DrBobSmith wrote: RedNovaTyrant,

      Was this inspired by Père Fouettard?

      Dr. Bob

      Who?

      Edit: just looked it up, now it rings a bell. But nah, I was thinking closer to Krampus, except he forces bad people to be Santas.

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    • RedNovaTyrant,

      Here is my review.

      • English

      Is this supposed to be UK or US English? It seems mixed.


      1 - I was more in tune with reality than most children my age, and naturally I questioned silly things more than most.

      Should there be a comma after naturally? Can you phrase "and naturally?" Somehow it feels awkward to me. Even "so" might work.

      2 - Naturally they’d claim ignorance, saying it wasn’t them, but I still just went with what made sense to me.

      Should there be a comma after naturally?


      3 - This time, surely, I would catch my dad or mom in the act of stowing those wonderful presents under the tree, and at least then they’d let me in on the truth.

      This sentence feels awkward in two places. "This time, surely" and "those wonderful." I think you can divide the sentence at the "and."

      4 - Then, slowly, he took back his hand, and extended it back out towards me in a shaky manner.

      Is the comma after hand necessary?

      5 - Three times in five sentences you use a repeated letter with a dash to indicate shakiness. It's kind of overkill. I was also told this isn't good style. You can indicate the nervousness another way.


      6 - He started drifting towards the deeper, hearty voice stereotypically associated with Kris Kringle, but I wasn’t fooled.

      Consider "He started drifting towards the deep voice stereotypically associated with Kris Kringle, but I wasn’t fooled."

      7 - I am confused by "I couldn’t see his face, but I’m certain it matched mine." Why does Eddie's face match that of the protagonist? Why would Eddie even guess that it did if he couldn't see it? There's also something awkward about the sentence. I keep getting my brain stuck on it. Were you trying to say that it was the same guy who was in the room?


      8 - Regardless, I began to step backwards to the hall, and the man gave me a tip of the hat before walking to the fireplace of the room.

      Should it be backwards or backward?


      9 - A massive bony hand spawned from the fire, with pieces of fur and skin draped over it.

      This sentence is somewhat confusing. Why spawned? The word doesn't fit. Does the arm or the fire have fur and skin on it?

      10 - "Then the skull of what looked like a bull followed to match."

      What does "to match" add to the sentence?

      11 - Consider "This WAS your second chance, you fool. And you’ve wasted it.”

      I would shorten this to "This WAS your second chance, and you’ve wasted it.”

      12 - "Then came a noise I was not familiar with - it was a crunch, with a soft beginning and snapping finish. " The protagonist was familiar with the sound and identified it.

      • Story

      I consider a creepypasta to be creepy and then horror. I would consider the horror to be clear, but not the creepy.

      I don't know the age of the kid but he seems WAY too old to be interested in toys. What age did you envision? Maybe eight is right for "Is Santa Claus delivering presents" behavior. He doesn't sound eight.

      What the heck is the monster? Is that Satan or Santa Claus? Is SANTA really SATAN? Is SATAN really SANTA? Horns fit Satan's cliche image, but the bull skull face doesn't.

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    • DrBobSmith wrote: RedNovaTyrant,

      Here is my review.

      • English

      Is this supposed to be UK or US English? It seems mixed.


      1 - I was more in tune with reality than most children my age, and naturally I questioned silly things more than most.

      Should there be a comma after naturally? Can you phrase "and naturally?" Somehow it feels awkward to me. Even "so" might work.

      2 - Naturally they’d claim ignorance, saying it wasn’t them, but I still just went with what made sense to me.

      Should there be a comma after naturally?


      3 - This time, surely, I would catch my dad or mom in the act of stowing those wonderful presents under the tree, and at least then they’d let me in on the truth.

      This sentence feels awkward in two places. "This time, surely" and "those wonderful." I think you can divide the sentence at the "and."

      4 - Then, slowly, he took back his hand, and extended it back out towards me in a shaky manner.

      Is the comma after hand necessary?

      5 - Three times in five sentences you use a repeated letter with a dash to indicate shakiness. It's kind of overkill. I was also told this isn't good style. You can indicate the nervousness another way.


      6 - He started drifting towards the deeper, hearty voice stereotypically associated with Kris Kringle, but I wasn’t fooled.

      Consider "He started drifting towards the deep voice stereotypically associated with Kris Kringle, but I wasn’t fooled."

      7 - I am confused by "I couldn’t see his face, but I’m certain it matched mine." Why does Eddie's face match that of the protagonist? Why would Eddie even guess that it did if he couldn't see it? There's also something awkward about the sentence. I keep getting my brain stuck on it. Were you trying to say that it was the same guy who was in the room?


      8 - Regardless, I began to step backwards to the hall, and the man gave me a tip of the hat before walking to the fireplace of the room.

      Should it be backwards or backward?


      9 - A massive bony hand spawned from the fire, with pieces of fur and skin draped over it.

      This sentence is somewhat confusing. Why spawned? The word doesn't fit. Does the arm or the fire have fur and skin on it?

      10 - "Then the skull of what looked like a bull followed to match."

      What does "to match" add to the sentence?

      11 - Consider "This WAS your second chance, you fool. And you’ve wasted it.”

      I would shorten this to "This WAS your second chance, and you’ve wasted it.”

      12 - "Then came a noise I was not familiar with - it was a crunch, with a soft beginning and snapping finish. " The protagonist was familiar with the sound and identified it.

      • Story

      I consider a creepypasta to be creepy and then horror. I would consider the horror to be clear, but not the creepy.

      I don't know the age of the kid but he seems WAY too old to be interested in toys. What age did you envision? Maybe eight is right for "Is Santa Claus delivering presents" behavior. He doesn't sound eight.

      What the heck is the monster? Is that Satan or Santa Claus? Is SANTA really SATAN? Is SATAN really SANTA? Horns fit Satan's cliche image, but the bull skull face doesn't.

      I will definitely work on making it flow better, probably gonna take your suggestions.

      I was thinking preteen to young teen with the Nintendo mention, but I should probably be more specific with that.

      The monster wasn't anything specific, wasn't really thinking about Satan in this case. I may consider making it more like a devil creature, but I feel I'd be leaning too cliche with that.

      Thank you for the review.

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    • A FANDOM user
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