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  • EmpyrealInvective
    EmpyrealInvective closed this thread because:
    Old thread
    16:57, February 1, 2019

    I live in a house from a train yard in georgia USA i started a job at CSX in atlanta i woke up at 4 in the morning and did my old routine go to get coffe and head to the railyard.

    After working at the railyard i was assigned to carry freight on 609 engine SD40-2 after driving at night heading into alabama i passed a parked ES44AC with the number 666.

    It was showing blood on the interior i stopped at a red signal to check it out i opend the door and i found 2 rotting bodies one was at the controls the other one was its head smashed inside the power box.

    I radio control but it was destroyed so i walked outside and couple up to CSX train 666 after driving for 6 hours my train derailed smashing into a highway bridge after derailing.

    Train 666 had no scratches or damage after derailment firecrews arrived with paramedics i was found injured in the cab i needed to type this to share my story about what happend.

    i had a call from people that worked for CSX they heard laughter inside the locomotives engine then after 2 minutes of laughter the devil appears behind them then derailment.

    hear me out civilians if your willing to work for CSX do not drive CSX 666 ITS CURSED.

    if you see train 666 report it to CSX railway

    THE END

    so thats the end of the

    heres the image of the locomotive
    CSX 666 lettering
    this locomotive is real CSX named this the devil train.

    oh dont forget that ill try to make a real scary creepypasta.

    i know this isnt scary but ill make a more scary creepypasta.

      Loading editor
    • If this is your best, your best won't do.

      I'll count the number of cliches you used:

      • The number 666.It's been done to death at this point.
      • Using gore as a scare factor (the blood and the dead bodies). Gore might add to a scare if it's in a scene that calls for it, like if someone cracks their head on something, but blood and guts alone is way too overused to be scary.
      • Using an "If you see this again..." ending. It's a lazy way to end a story and only adds to the unrealism here. Why would people want to keep an eye out for a train with the same number on it as one that crashed? It doesn't make sense.
      • Using "This really happened, this is real." No. NEVER do that. Write the story and have someone read it, and let them decide for themselves whether it was real or not. Some of teh best pastas out there, like Squidward's Suicide, leave you with a feeling of wonder once you finish it because it seems like it actually could have happened, but flat-out saying it kills the potential and makes you look unprofessional in the process.

      Write something else. You have gotten off to a good start by putting your work here in the workshop instead of to teh main site, but you need to put a lot more time and effort into your work. If you're out of ideas, I suggest using a first-line generator or writing prompt, many of which can be found with a Google search.

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    • I second everything Cassist said. I'll also touch on your grammar, or general lack thereof. Even if you fixed all the previous mentioned issues in order to get the story's content up to snuff, it would still be insta-deleted by virtue of your grammar alone. My guess is you wrote this story directly into the editor. I highly recommend using Microsoft Word or another processor with a grammar check function. It won't be perfect but it will certainly be better than what you have here.

      I'll also comment on the content while ignoring the cliches: it isn't scary because almost nothing happens. You would need significantly more development and detail into this to make it scary. Minus the various cliches, your story basically breaks down to this: I saw a train. There were dead bodies inside. I couldn't reach control. I hooked the train up and drove for six hours. My train crashed. Looking at this as an outline, you could certainly make a story out if it but you don't have one with what you've got.

        Loading editor
    • ill edit some more stuff in this creepypasta i made

        Loading editor
    • Creepypastafan2025 wrote:
      ill edit some more stuff in this creepypasta i made

      Make a new one.

        Loading editor
    • Csx 666 is actually an ac6000cw

        Loading editor
    • Richard The Badger wrote:
      Csx 666 is actually an ac6000cw
      I'm not sure why you posted on something that is over 5 years old.
        Loading editor
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