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The Silent Sufferer

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I never was a welcomed child to society. I never had any friends, never had family who loved me, and was always different from everybody else. I thought I was unique for who I was, but no one else ever found that to be something acceptable in the world. I’ve been an outcast for as long as I remember. When I was little, my parents viciously beat me black and blue everyday just because I was an accident and shouldn’t even be alive. 

On my 7th birthday, I finally snapped and pulled a knife out threatening to kill them both. I didn’t have the guts to actually kill them, but I was tired of the constant ridicule and being treated like dirt just because they made a mistake and I was the outcome. I didn’t know how else to handle my anger anymore. The police were called and three cop cars came to our street. I was immediately put in handcuffs and taken to the station for questioning.

“Since we already have all your basic information from your mother, let’s get straight to the point. Why did you threaten to kill your parents?” the policeman asked as we sat in a white room with just a door on one side and a one-sided mirror on the other. I sat in silence not knowing what to say. What felt like hours went by until the officer said softly, “You look like you’ve been through hell kid. Just tell me. What did they do to you?”

I started crying, telling him everything that’s been going on all my life. I balled my eyes out telling him every little detail. When I was finished, I was taken to an orphanage since foster homes in Wapak were so bad that the judge considered it unsafe given my situation during my trial. I still live in that orphanage at this day.

It’s been exactly five years since I have last seen my parents. Today is my 12th birthday; and I’m stuck in school. The teacher is rambling on about math and physics, but I can’t hear him since I sit in the very corner of the classroom isolated from everyone else. I look down at my desk to see the carved wording into the wood. PSYCHO, FREAK, UNLOVED, and even DUMB FUCKING ORPHAN was there. I tried to show the teacher once, but all he told me was to sit back down in a harsh tone, not even able to look me in the eye through his thick glasses. 

I look at the girl who sits three desks ahead of me who I’ve had a crush on since the beginning of the school year. Her long dark hair, her green eyes, her smooth white skin. I have butterflies in my stomach every time I look at her. What gets me though is I already know she finds me insane like everyone else. She knows I like her and tries to make me feel like shit about it every chance she gets. Just this morning she had her boyfriend pin me up against a locker while she made me watch her make out with him. I don’t know why I still have this unbearable feeling about her. I just can’t control it.

The bell rang signaling it’s time for recess. I sat on the bench closest to the school building away from the rest of the children. It’s the only place I could go to according to the other kids. I sit and watch them enjoy themselves every day for a whole hour. Laughing. Playing. Screaming. The only thing I can stand is to hear them scream. The rest they do just gives me an awful headache.

After school, I run to this back alley and talk to a dog I met lonely and hungry about a winter ago. I’ll feed him a little bit of my school lunch every day or some scrapes from the garbage of the other orphans. He is always excited to see me since I think I’m his only food source he can rely on. Today, when I went to that alley, my dog wasn’t there. Spike wasn’t in his normal spot. I started looking through the dumpster to see if he fell asleep in there rummaging for food. I didn’t find Spike, but a part of him. Horrified, I pick up the head of Spike that’s been mutilated from the rest of his body. Blood drips down his neck onto my jeans as I sit in the dumpster with a tear rolling down my face. Who could kill my only friend? He was just a dog, but he was the closest thing I had to a friend. I keep asking myself one question. Why?

Out of all the days of my life, today has been far worse than any other. It’s my five year anniversary to my unforgiving parents, the only girl I’m attracted to wants to treat me like hell, and my best friend in the whole world has been decapitated with no idea where the rest of him might be. I’m starting to realize my life has no meaning, I have nothing to live for. But at the same time I want revenge. I know it’s crazy, but I’ve always heard that ghosts are real; and they continue to haunt their victims for the rest of eternity. I want to be that kind of spirit. I want to see in my afterlife if anyone ever cared, ever thought about, or ever loved me. They will be spared. Anyone who ever resented me, thought I was crazy, or ever treats a child like I was treated will be tortured to death, relieving that child from his suffering and agony. I know how it is to be treated unfairly. I also will kill anyone who kills a person’s best friend. It’s time for me to execute this hatred. It’s time for me to die.

I walk to the train tracks and just sit there, accepting my fate; knowing what I need to do. An hour goes by and I hear the train rolling my way. I stand up, throw my arms to my side as if I were being crucified, close my eyes, and smile. The last thing I felt was a quick pain and then nothing. I open my eyes to see me falling from my crushed corpse. I see the faces of everyone. They look terrified and someone calls the police. I start to feel a terrible burn all around my body as everything else turns to black. The burning sensation gets stronger and stronger until I think I finally touched some sort of ground. I start to hear people crying for mercy, begging to leave such an awful place. I can’t see anything, I can only feel and hear. Suddenly, I could see. I’m in the lap of what I think is Satan.

“I know why you’re here; suicide right? If I didn’t know your mortal heart, I would send you to the 5th gate of hell to be whipped by a demon for the rest of time. But I know why you committed such a sin, and honestly, I could use you as one of my immortal spirits. Before you died, you made a promise to have revenge on all those who treated you like the shit you are and treat those children like the shit they are. Not saying that I don’t love such acts, but I understand revenge. I could also use the souls at this time. So I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let you be that spirit you always wanted, in exchange for you to suffer the same death you commit in pure silence. Does that sound reasonable?” Lucifer said. I sat on his lap, thinking for the longest time if I should do this. I finally told him yes, this is what I threw my life away for. “Then in the power of Satan, you shall be sent back to the Earth to live the life of a spirit,”.

All within a flash, I was back on Earth. This time though, I knew everything I needed to know. I was able to do unnatural things that no human could ever imagine doing themselves. I walked over to the river to see the reflection of the new me. My black emo hair was the same, but my eyes were now a spine chilling red color. I wear the same clothes that I died in; an AC/DC shirt, with long denim jeans, and my body looks like the dead corpse I saw before my soul was sent to hell. Today was the funeral. Nobody showed up.

Now after murdering my parents, the man who killed my dog, my crush's boyfriend, and keeping my crush locked inside a shed, I finally felt a sort of peace. For my peace to be fulfilled though, I will kill everyone who ever heard my story. My name you may ask. Well, you don’t need to know my mortal name, but what they call me now. The Silent Sufferer.

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