Madness. Pure, unadulterated bliss. The free, unrestricted laughter brought about by the maniac joy I feel. I can dance. I can sing. I can talk to myself without fear. All because of the glorious madness.
Is that really the first thing I wrote as a field observation of this world? I can hardly remember anything that occurred after I stepped through that door. I must be careful to stay away from my notes when I am not lucid.
My name is Thenin, and I am a Bosmer primarily studying alchemy at the Arcane University in Cyrodiil. As a side project, I tend to study psychology. When I heard about a strange door opening just outside Bravil that seemed to drive people mad after they went inside, I jumped at the chance to explore it. Upon entering, I discovered a world where not only could I study the behaviors of people, but also where entirely new flora grew everywhere. I immediately set to work gathering ingredients to use in making new potions.
After that...I don't remember much. Actually, I can't recall a bloody thing. But from my notes, I think the atmosphere of the place has started getting to me.
Madness. Complete paranoia. I can't bear the sight of other people. They're staring at me, I know. Judging me. They hate the sight of me. Well, they won't have to look at me much longer. I'll take their eyes from them. That way they can't see me. Can't judge me. I think normally, I'd be too afraid to do anything, but I'm not afraid. I can do this! I can! Thanks to this crippling madness.
By the Nine, what have I done? The notes are stained with blood! Did I actually kill those men? I thought it was just a nightmare, but now...None of it makes sense. I'm getting out of here. I know where the door is. I'm going to leave this place and never return.
I've been back at the University for a while now, and everything seems normal. I haven't been imagining anyone following me, and I haven't started babbling like a fool. The only thing that seems out of place are my classmates. They've been waking me up every night, claiming that I've been either laughing, screaming, or crying. I don't recall any nightmares, but it's apparently annoying enough to them that they actually pooled their Septims and bought me a house on the waterfront so they wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. I'm not sure whether to appreciate or scorn their gesture.
Thing have been getting worse. The other students are all keeping their distance from me. I know they're judging me. I can feel their staring eyes, and hear their whispering. I shouldn't care. I just need to focus on my studies, and I can leave when the year is done. I'll never have to see any of them again. The thought is making me giggle. I feel like I'm floating. Let them make their judgements, I don't care! I am so high above them that I control all fate. Hahahahaha!!!!!
For the love of Mara, do they every stop?! Upon the moment I enter the University, I feel all their eyes turn to me. Without looking away, they whisper their judgements to each other, the sounds melding together to form a dull drone. And they follow me. Wherever I go, I hear their feet on the grass or stone, and their voices keep going. I have to put a stop to it. I am so much better than they! I am practically a god in comparison! And I'll prove it, too.
See? I told you I'd prove it. I killed them! I snuffed out all their lives! It was so easy. Hahahaha!!! All I did was poison all the food. They never even knew what hit them! I AM A GOD! What other being has the ability to steal away so many lives with such ease? I went and claimed their eyes and their tongues, those tools that were so quick to pass judgement upon me! Even in this cage, I laugh with glee. But now that I have proven my divinity, I know that it is now time for me to say goodbye to this world of Nirn, that judges so quickly that which it should fear. Farewell, Cyrodiil! Farewell, Tamriel! My true realm awaits!
BLACK HORSE COURIER: Unexpected Development to University Murders!
This morning at around ten am, the body of Thenin was found in his prison cell. The Bosmer had been arrested a week before when he was found removing the eyes and tongues to at least ten poison victims at the Arcane University. Thenin had readily confessed to the massacre and did not resist upon his arrest.
The cause of death appears to be suicide. He appeared to have gouged out his eyes with his bare hands before gnawing through his wrists until he severed the major veins in each. The guard who discovered the body stated that "It was the most horrifying sight. His face was covered in blood from his eyes and wrists...[H]e looked as if he died in the middle of laughing."
The investigation into the bizarre actions of the Wood Elf is still underway. The Courier will keep you updated as it progresses.
Madness. In its truest form, it comes in two parts. We have come to call them "Mania" and "Dementia." Each of these aspects is independent of the other, and both are considered insanity. But madness is not truly achieved until both these aspects are working together in perfect harmony. The result is breath-taking. Pure, and complete Madness.