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The Sadist

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"Maybe you should write down your thoughts, I've noticed you have many repressed feelings and when you do that it tends to chip away at your own mental health. You worry too much about what would happen or possibly what someone would think of you, but bottling up all of those thoughts and feelings makes you paranoid and it develops into social anxiety. So I want you to find a way to relieve all of that tension. I want you to take all that negativity; whatever it is that you think or feel, invest in it and make something out of it."

What kind of therapist tells their client to invest in the very thing that's causing them so much paranoia and torment? Who in the right mind would support the thoughts and desire of someone who gets off to the idea of slowly unraveling another human being's life, someone who constantly returns to the thought of watching an innocent person steadily fall apart as their life slowly crumbles away. Who would support the idea of introducing fear to a person who lives a carefree and happy life and rob them of their joy and merriment as their own form of fun, or take an object of innocence and steadily corrupt it, deflower it and turn it into an unstable pathetic heap of filth... Who would suggest to support such sick thoughts like that?

I'm convinced he's just preying off of me. He doesn't care about my mental health, he just wants me to become worse, so I can keep returning and spending more of my money on these damn sessions -- But maybe he's right? If I could somehow satisfy these thoughts and urges then I could live a little more soundly and these kinds of things will stop clouding my head and filling my dreams while I rest.

If there was some way to put fear and insecurity into someone's life without having to physically place myself anywhere near them, then I would live much more peacefully knowing that something of my own creation is causing someone, somewhere to feel shocked and disturbed.

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