April 20th, 2013 - 8:21 PM
I currently have zero friends. I’m a loser. I have what some guys may call a dead end job, working nine to five In a company storage room of an online company, organizing and packing stuff they sell. It’s not that I have no contact with people. I usually talk to my colleagues during break time, but it’s all chit chat. I don’t speak to my family either, except my parents once in a while. I can only dream about having a girlfriend. Some people complain about being friend-zoned. Fuck that man, I wish I was friend-zoned so I’d at least have a friend. Break time is about all the social life I have, and even that feels awkward as fuck.
On the weekend, I isolate myself in my tiny apartment playing video games, watching anime, and eating junk food until I fall asleep. And so this cycle continued for years. I’m just a social wreck and I can only blame myself. The need for a social life has never been as strong as it is now. It’s been like this since I dropped out of school at fifteen and started to jump from one job to another, usually not working longer than three months per job.
Now, ten years later I really start to worry. I've been having these weird illusions. I don’t use any drugs except some beer once in a while, but I see them really clear. They started minor. A few weeks ago I began to see some sort of bugs on the wall from the corner of my eye. I didn't think much of it at the time. Just some optical illusion from looking at the computer screen for too long, I thought. They didn't appear at work either.
Lately these illusions became more dominant. The ‘bugs’ turned into dog-sized creatures, often disappearing once I looked straight at it. But sometimes they didn't. They’re shadow-like creatures. You know when you look at the sun or other light source for a long time and then look somewhere else? You’re likely to have some sort of blind spot in you sight, holding all colors but also feels dark.
The creatures look like that, but shaped like inhuman creatures and three dimensional. No, they don’t even feel three dimensional, more like not from this dimension at all. It’s fucking hard to explain. They just stand there, breathing. I actually watch them breath, slowly, like a dog but very, very slow. When they appear I feel frozen, unable to move and scared as fuck. I start to sweat almost instantly, freezing sweat over my face and back. I can’t stop staring at them, I wait until they disappear. It usually takes a few minutes, but it feels like an eternity.
You might ask what all this has to do with my total lack of a social life. I think these creatures want me to get outside. You see, these creatures only appear in my apartment, the only place I can isolate myself from society. I can’t stop thinking about it. I have no one to talk to about this. The guys at work already think I’m a weirdo, and I don’t want to lose the little social interaction I have. I don’t even know to who or why I’m writing this, maybe I’ll put this on the internet for feedback someday, but for now I just hope the illusions will fade away and I won’t have to ‘write it off my chest’ again.
April 23rd, 2013 - 7:30 AM
Just woke up. I have slept for a few hours and woke up literary fighting off my nightmare. I was somewhat happy it was a dream but then I saw a creature in the corner of my room, as if it was creating the nightmare for me. It was bigger than usual and had a more distinguishable form, like a wolf but bigger. It still had the vague, dark color, the blind spot. The sound was worse than ever. The breathing was slowly turning into some kind of low, unnatural frequency. I’m about to leave my room until I find out what the fuck is going on.
April 24th, 2013 - 9:12 AM
I slept at my parents’ house. Told them I felt sick and didn't want to be alone. Going to take the day off and use the time to browse the web to find out what is going on with me.
April 25th, 2013 - 9:50 AM
Felt like a relief not to see any creatures for two days. I guess this is proof they only show up in my room. I searched the internet for the past days (and pretended to be sick for my parents). Yesterday I browsed all sites on mental health I could find, but I didn't find any useful information. I googled all the key words and variations I could think of. I also copy/pasted this log on message boards, but they just mocked me or posted stupid reaction pictures. People on the internet are even worse than in real life.
April 25th, 2013 - 10:31 PM
Some guy on the internet read my story and told me he has/had the same experiences. He is incredibly vague however, don’t know whether he’s a troll or what not. He calls himself ‘Peter’ but I doubt it is his real name. He told me there are a lot of people experiencing these hallucinations and they all describe them as creatures, wolves, monsters etc. I don’t know what to think. If there are actually this many people having this problem, why can’t I find anything about it on the internet? Shouldn't it be more common? He won’t tell me on the internet because… I don’t even know why. He wants to meet in person although he knows I’m a sociophobe.
April 26th, 2013 - 1:02 PM
I’m eating lunch in a roadside restaurant right now, halfway where I came from and where Peter is supposed to come from. Our meeting is scheduled in about an hour, but my paranoia made me leave way early just to make sure. I feel awkward as fuck eating here with all these people around, I feel watched. I hope no one will talk to me. I think I’ll just eat very slow so I won’t look like an idiot just sitting here. I’d rather just leave but I have nowhere to go, Peter is literally my only lead. I swear I saw some fucking bugs again, but that must be my paranoia. Bugs only appear in my room.
April 26th, 2013 - 2:43 PM
I’m in the bathroom of the restaurant now. Peter is actually a pretty nice guy, I never expected that. He’s around my age and he has the same problems! The bugs, the illusions, the breathing creatures, the unexplainable structure of the monsters, even the sociophobic habits! He was so nice to talk to. I feel so relieved I’m not the only one. Meeting Peter was the best idea ever. I didn't even bother the few bugs on the wall. Next time Peter and I will go to his house to talk some more and drink some beer. I don’t even know how long it has been for me visiting a ‘friend’. Probably kindergarten. Gotta stop writing now since Peter is waiting for me.
April 27th, 2013 - 4:00 PM
I love Peter so much. I have a friend now. We've been watching tv together and we played some video games. Drank a few beers. I can really talk to this guy. He’s getting some more beer and McDonald's so we’ll have a blast tonight!
But that’s not even what is best about all of this. There are creatures in his house. They show up once in a while, even the big ones. The first time I shat my pants, but Peter told me to relax. He saw it too. He told me to relax, keep watching it till it disappears. “They always disappear,” he told me, grabbing my hand. I feel safe around him, he is the first person to really know how I feel. There was one more creature today, it was bigger and more frightening than the one in my room that night. But I wasn't scared. Peter is with me.
April 29 2013 - 9:33 PM
They took me, the police took Peter from me. They told me all this bullshit about unlawful entry of someone else’s house, which is bull-crap because it was Peter's house. Peter would never lie to me. Apparently some paranoid neighbor called the cops because Peter and I were making noise late at night. I’m all alone again, I freaked the fuck out when they took Peter, they told me Peter isn't real. I’m in a small shit police room with only my laptop on low battery, waiting for interrogation. And the worst thing is, I just saw some bugs on the wall.