So I have been having this dream. Not just any dream though, a dream of my inner most darkness, leaking out in bits and pieces. Dark desires, lustful fantasies, anything that shouldn't be focused on.
I decided to go see a shrink. Wasn't the first thing I wanted to do, but my wife is close to stabbing me in the ear with a fork over my nightmares.
I spend about four hours at a psychologists office, an hour getting the secretary to let me through the door. And the rest was of the doctor probing through my problems. He says that my lack of excitement in life is causing my mind to stimulate itself with subconscious messages. He said, “Nothing a good vacation and some Valium can't handle.”
So I did just that. We went to Venice, went sky diving, and I got into a bar fight.
On the flight back however, things got weird. This old man, who had to be 1000 years old, and with the most peculiar eyes confronted me as we were getting off of our plane.
“Heed my words, Daniel. You will suffer the worst days of your existence if you cannot cure your dreams. Your very life and soul are in danger. They will only get worse. Hold on to your loved ones. Because you will never be able to return from what happens.”
I was flabbergasted. This man whom I’d never met knew my name, my problem, and apparently what my future holds. That night I got so little sleep that the embrace of dream couldn’t grasp me. Finding sleep to be an illusion, I accessed the Internet and probed with hopes to find some information to explain my recent events. The only thing I could find was the possibility that I was going insane. Which wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have a life.
So the next day rolls by, and I'm not in any condition to go to work. I'm exhausted and distraught so I stay home. Then I fall asleep.
In this dream, I'm walking through a forest. The sun has set, and darkness is falling. The silence is surreal; I've never felt this type of lonesomeness. A part of me is gone. Then a screech breaks through the silence. I fall over when I hear it. Whatever it is, it's not happy with me.
I start running. I'm running as fast as I can. But it isn't fast enough. I feel it catching up to me. The darkness is lapping against my legs. I feel the utter emptiness creeping up my neck. And then there's nothing.
I wake up screaming, sweat pouring out of me. My wife has already left the bed for the living room. I don't know what to do with myself. For about the next week I have the same nightmare. But each night the darkness becomes more human than entity. Taking on characteristics, features, a face.
I'm walking home one night. Everything around me seems off... like it's not in its right spot.
A person is walking towards myself. GETREADY flashes through my mind, but that's strange because I have no reason to be afraid. The person is within arm length. We pass each other, lock eyes, and a huge surge of dread goes through me. Those eyes, they're so black. And the worst comes when I realize there aren't eyes in his eye sockets. He screams, and lightning flashes from the sky. I start sprinting, with the thing chasing after me. I don't know what is happening. I turn into an alley. Then I realize it's a dead end. I feel it coming, its hate and anger seething for me. I close my eyes. And then it's gone.
“Holy Jesus, Mother Mary of God!” I scream.
And then run for home.
I don't stop til I get home. But the door to my house is slightly ajar. I walk in. The kitchen light is on, and a note is on the table. It reads:
“Daniel, you know I love you. But I can't continue to live with you in this state. I will be at my mother's house until you figure out your problems. Love, Marissa.”
My life is spiraling downward with the change of the wind. I don't know what is happening to me. Could I really be going insane? My dream was different that night. The man from the plane was standing on a cliff with me. He too was missing his eyes. “The first die has been cast. You alone can save yourself from the darkness inside of you. Your Marissa is depending on you, Daniel.”
I was struck again, and had to hold myself. “What do you mean the darkness. What is happening to me? Who are you? How are you here? Explain this!”
The man grimaced and turned. “You are fighting the most primitive darkness. The darkness in you. The dark lord wants you. You must not let the darkness get you. You don't want to turn into what I have.”
And with that the man jumped off the cliff. I was shocked and I awoke hearing him hit the water below me.
It was Sunday, and for the first time in months, I didn't make it to church. I was in my room, door locked, praying. Praying furiously. Chanting psalms and Bible verses. I had become increasingly alarmed by my current state. The whole day seemed … off... terribly so. Like I wasn't supposed to be there, even though this is our world. Our world? Where did that come from? Where was Marissa?
I called Nancy, asked her if I could talk to Marissa. “Daniel, Marissa isn't here. She hasn't been here. Is everything okay?” I reassured her, even though that was horribly wrong. Where did that note come from, and where did she go?
I was close to hysterical at that point. I would give anything to have my wife with me. To feel her touch against my skin. But I didn't know where she was.
Later that night after strenuous praying, I gave up and went to watch TV. I flipped it to the local channel and it was a blank screen. I thought the TV might not be on but the captions were showing, but with no information. I flip through the channels, all blank but different. I get to channel 66 and there was a picture, and to this day it haunts me. It was Marissa, starring at me, her eyes not in her head. She was there, yet I knew she wasn't. She couldn't. What the hell is going on?
The TV goes dark, her picture gone, and nothing but blackness. It was only 6:45, but it was as dark as midnight outside. I go to turn on the lights. It becomes darker. I turn on my phone. It goes dead. I try to open the door. It's locked!
I'm more scared at that moment than I had ever been in my life. I would have released my bowels, but I had fasted that day.
The darkness envelops me.
My psyche is bouncing around in front of me. I couldn't be going crazy. This was real! The realest thing in my life. I try to scream, the darkness grabs my neck. I feel it squeezing me, trying to steal my soul.
The darkness. I now know what it is. It is me. I'm fighting myself. There's nothing
I can do but escape my reality. The darkness is instilling hatred and its black poison in my heart. I think of the best psalm I could and I think it. I pray it with all of my heart. The darkness gets mad and starts to rip me to pieces. The pain is unbearable. I faint. And then I'm laying in my bed.
Everything I ever wanted is with me at that very moment. And then it is gone. Taken away. The darkness is rising me. I realize I didn't sleep, I was never awake. The darkness is me, and I am also the light. I struggle within me, an eternal war over my soul. All because of what I am. Of what the darkness is. Nothing is, was, or ever will be. No Marissa. No ANYTHING! I then relax, and let the light devour the dark. Or I hope. I don't hope for anything. Only for peace. For tranquility. For darkness. I am darkness.