Do you know how some people are terrified of going to a hospital or clinic, even if they have a serious condition? I never really understood this fear. However, a recent event convinced me that they might have a very good reason to be afraid.
A few days before Easter, I caught a bad case of flu. It was not so bad the first day, just a soreness of the throat and a mild fever. I insisted on going to work the next morning, despite feeling a little queasy. However, my condition soon worsened to the point that I had to be sent home from the office. My family was visiting relatives during the holiday, so I was alone during the whole ordeal. I was accompanied only by my neighbor and friend, Matthew. For the duration of the next day, I was lying at home with a 40 degrees Celsius fever, alternating between bouts of coughing and dry heaving. I was in this state until late at night, when Matthew convinced me to go see a doctor.
My family physician was on a vacation, so I had to see a local physician in attendance. The clinic was a ran-down, sorry-looking building at the edge of the town. Even so, it was the only place to get professional help that time of year. It was around 10 PM when I got into the doctor's office. The doctor, a friendly young man with a balding head, greeted me. I took off my shirt so he could check my chest with a stethoscope. The doctor, however, politely asked me to remove my jeans and underwear as well. He said that it is only professional medically to check my body heat rectally.
I thought this was a little strange, but I was so weakened because of my illness that I felt no strength to argue with him. I complied. So I was lying there, completely helpless and vulnerable as the doctor began his work. After several minutes, which felt like long hours, I began to become suspicious. The doctor kept fumbling around my anus, and soon I began to feel a terrible pain. Shaking with fear, I looked behind me and witnessed a terrible sight.
The young doctor was wearing a nurse's suit, and he was not alone.
He was accompanied by a bearded man wearing civilian clothing, with a twisted smile on his face. The doctor spread my anus into an unimaginable size using tongue depressors. The strange man grinned maniacally, preparing to insert his own head right into my body. Before I could do anything, the doctor stabbed a syringe into my neck. I watched in terror as he pumped some kind of brown, washy liquid into my veins. I felt my body becoming paralyzed, my eyelids getting heavy. Soon I lost consciousness.
I woke up in a hospital bed. A friendly nurse told me that I will soon be getting better, and that I was diagnosed with an ugly case of pneumonia. That was when it hit me. The whole ordeal must have been a nightmare, just a vision of my ill, exhausted mind. The watchful doctor probably rushed me into the hospital as soon as I lost consciousness. Relieved, I rested my head on the pillow, turning towards the bedside cabinet. On the cabinet, I noticed a business card.
"Dr. Richard Sedthhfy, recognized fecal-pneumologyst, chartered flautence-internist".
My hands shook as I put the card down. Suddenly, I began to feel a strong urge to cough again. Then I realized I could not breathe anymore. I covered my mouth with my hands and began to chuckle. Liquid feces came from my lungs, dripping out of my mouth.
Looking up, I saw the top of a balding head rising insidiously from behind the end of my bed...