These are excerpts from my brother's journal. It encompasses the last year of his life. I am not posting the entire journal on here, due to length. Please read this, and tell me what the hell caused this.
July 21, 2011
I woke up with a strange feeling in my throat today. It feels as if something is caught in there. I have no idea it must just be allergies or something. Oh well, I will know more tomorrow probably.
July 28, 2011
I cannot get rid of that damn feeling in my throat, and it is so raw from coughing. I hope it is not anything major. The doctor said it might be strep, so he took some cultures to find out.
August 1, 2011
Well, the doctor has no idea what this might be, and it keeps getting worse. I feel like someone is just sitting on my chest at night! Good thing NyQuil is here to help me sleep.
August 4, 2011
Damn this illness just gets worse and worse... My whole body hurts, and painkillers do not even help anymore. I snuck some of my dad’s Vicodin, but the pain was so severe I could not sleep. I just want this to end already.
September 28, 2011
I had my brother grab my journal for me. I went to the hospital on August 5th, and have been stuck there since. It has been more than a month now. While the doctors test and test, things have been continuously worse. The pain worsened to the point where I feel as if I will just shiver out of my skin, and I now I have started seeing something out of the corner of my eye. I have no idea what it is, but when I look back, it is gone. It is probably just from sleep deprivation. They try giving me sleeping medication, but to no avail. I hope they can find out what is wrong... How much longer must I live like this?
October 12, 2011
The pain finally stopped, but was replaced by an itch. I try to resist scratching, but I catch myself doing it unconsciously sometimes. If I am not careful I might just scratch through my skin. No medication works; I have just about given up on those. They seem to make me more sick... I think the doctors may be poisoning me. I see more of what ever it is that I saw last time, but only a faint blur. I think it knows I can see it, and it does not let me see it completely, to torment me.
October 13, 2011
I finally got some sleep, and found that I had scratched some of the skin off of my arm. Luckily it is only a small patch. The doctors bandaged it up. I do not think I want to try sleeping again, because that thing was in my dreams. It is always there, but just out of view... even in my dreams. Whenever I tried to look for it, it would just... appear for me, if you can call it that. The doctors are saying I created the being, due to the trauma of this disease. I am not even sure it is a disease anymore.
October 31, 2011
It is Halloween, and kids are putting on Halloween costumes. I am pretty sure if it were not for these bandages, I would need a costume too. I have essentially scratched off all of my skin. I just could not control myself... I am covered in bandages. I am not sure how I am even alive anymore. The doctors are even surprised that I am alive. I keep seeing that thing, and it is driving me mad. I cannot take much more of this.
December 3, 2011
I am coughing up blood now. Any skin that grows back I scratch off. It feels as if I am not supposed to have skin anymore. That damn clock keeps me up at night now... every tick sounds like a breaking of bones, just a constant crack, crack, crack. I think I have seen the shape of that thing though. I cannot tell if it is humanoid, or canine, in shape. It seems to morph. Honestly, I have no idea. It still looks nothing more than a blur. I will call it a shadow, for lack of a better word.
December 25, 2011
I was hoping to see my family today, but it seems they cannot bear coming here anymore. It must be too much for them seeing me in this condition. I do not think that I will be going home ever again; they will probably put me in the loony bin after I am out of this damn hospital bed. That damn shadow keeps appearing now, no matter the time of day.
February 20, 2012
It has been a while since I could write, considering my bones keep breaking for no reason. I am pretty sure if I look at them wrong, they shatter. The doctors continue to be baffled at my state. They just try to console me. I have tried committing suicide a couple of times, just to stop the pain. However, the scalpels I use keep bending once they touch me. It is as if something (the shadow?) wants to keep me alive. I just want to die. The peace of death is like a fruit, so sweet compared to this life. Oh, sweet death.
March 16, 2012
I am beginning to think that I am not the first person that this has happened to, and I do not think that I will be the last. Perhaps I should try talking to the shadow to find out more. I must find out what it is, before it goes for anyone else. Yet I still wish I would just die. What curse is this upon me?
May (illegible), 2012
Must stop the (illegible). They are the things that are keeping me here. (illegible sentence) Talking to them made it worse. The pain, the pain. Let me die. LET ME DIE.
June (illegible), 2012
The (illegible), written over the entire page.
July 21, 2012
My brother finally passed. Perhaps his death will be a welcome peace.