I don't know how you will react, but my house is abandoned by God. My room has no paint on the walls. In fact, the walls have been stripped. I cannot tell you how much I would like to experience the emotion The Damned feel, the emotion of happiness. But it's something I have learnt to accept now. I never will feel any other emotion, apart from the one I'm feeling now. Sadness. I'm waiting to be taken away. Every day he tells me I'm going to a better place, a place where there is no such thing as a Mortal Man. Where he will rule.
The Heart of Sunshine will protect me, for they are the true believers. I am a true believer. And God will always be with us. He is the only one who can protect us from them, the ones who died. You can't destroy matter, which means that every damned soul will roam the abyss forever.You can't see them, but by God they can see you. They cannot take their eyes off you. They probably have their hands on you right now. We can't know how it truly works, we won't know until God tells us, and he can only tell us once we transcend.
I mean, for all we know, there could be someone standing right behind you. Someone dead. Perhaps a friend, or family member. Or even a complete stranger. Imagine that, while your sleeping, some old man's ghost could be lying next to you. They could be watching you, feeling you, holding you. We, the lucky ones, will be told the truth by God. While you The Damned will experience this harsh fate first hand, as you spend eternity drifting through a much darker, sinister version of the world you once knew.
I can't feel happiness. I want to, but it will surely condemn me. This world is filthy, it's an abomination. True happiness cannot exist here, it would die. The only place where I can truly feel this is with God. The Heart of Sunshine has a rule. If you feel the temptation taking hold, coming too close, you grab the nearest sharp object and plunge it into your throat. No matter how painful it will be, you do it. Prove to God you are willing to suffer and die, to stop temptation. In my room is a computer, a torn apart mattress, a bottle of water, and a packet of dried fruit. These are the only things I need to see myself through life, and keep myself away from the filth of the outside world. There's one other thing in here though, a knife.
My father abandoned me. I try my best, but I can never be truly faithful to the heart, I am scum. But I can make him love me again, I can make him return. I can prove I truly believe. I can take this knife and obey the rule. Maybe then he will return to this house. For I am part of The Heart of Sunshine.
And God is my father.....