OK right now, but I want to see this finished. Volkoronado 14:43, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
I fixed that bitches pasta, Bitches love when I fix pasta Edit
Added the 3 pages into one, No need for than many pages for one story Weirdozzy 16:56, March 6, 2012 (UTC)
Slenderman does not have a mouth. He cannot speak.
._.19:14, March 22, 2012 (UTC)
That's... Um. I don't even know where to begin. Well, to begin with, there were a TON of spelling and grammar mistakes that made this one difficult to sift through. Now, onto the story... It just thrust us into people dying left and right, didn't let us get attached to them to begin with and desensitized us to their deaths early. And that was your best chapter. The second one was a little weird with the willow men running around serving Slenderman, but not awful. Chapter 2.5... Wow. Nearly entirely irrelevant to the story, none of the dialogue sounded like anything a doctor has ever said ("He has many fragments of woods in his body." "Get me the scissors, I need to cut him open.", nurses fainting at the sight of blood...) and the hallucinations or visions he was having had NOTHING to do with the story. That was where it really started falling apart for me. And then chapter 3... Well, that was where the story got silly. "Here you are. Africa." "I'm getting revenge. Meet me here in an hour." Just... What? The battle seemed entirely overdramatic and ridiculous, and it was odd that he didn't see his wife until after he'd already killed Slendy. That, coupled with the scene at the end where Slenderman and the Rake were serving 'Zolga' (Zalgo?) just made no sense whatsoever. All in all, I feel like this missed the point as to why Slenderman is scary. He flits at the edges of a scene, induces paranoia and messes with your head. He works with the fear of never being entirely safe, not just a monster to have an epic battle with. On a more personal note, I've never been a fan of Slendy stories that involve him with tentacles. But that's all my opinion.
TL;DR: Started off meh, got just silly as it went on. Slendy should be horror by paranoia, not an epic sword battle. FRay 03:34, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
T'was unoriginal and kind of laughable, but it could have been worse.
-- Evra the Lost 05:46, May 12, 2012 (UTC)
he's gonna die Edit
he's gonna die probally but what do i know im just an all powerful demon
I don't think you're all-powerful. That would imply you have the power to use the English language in written form, which clearly you do not. Also, stop making spam comments. ClericofMadness 00:50, June 6, 2012 (UTC)
Completely unoriginal, seems like an action story rather than a fucking creepypasta, worst story I have ever read, that really hurt my eyes, and probably lowered my IQ.
Pretty bad. Edit
Honestly, I thought this pasta was horrible. Sorta like Rob Zombie turning Michael Myers into Jason Voorhees. I didn't really like how you turned Slenderman into a brutish, flesh-eating monster, rather than making him the embodiment of the unknown. And what the fuck was up with the ending? Zalgo? The Rake? Hell? What was that about? And since when did any of the beings in this story have anything to do with each other, and since when were they demons? And why does Zalgo want one certain human to die (isn't he supposed to destroy the world, anyway?)
The story itself could have been a lot better written. You really overdid the details. I don't care how many bullet holes were in Slendy, how many tentacles he has (or, as in this story, how many he has left), what kind of plane they were flying in, or what kind of guns they had. Sure, details are nice, but not when you abusing them!
Overall, the story felt like a Predator-meets-Slenderman fan fiction, and was a rather lifeless read. This all is coming from someone who's slowly sharpening his own writing skills.