It all started back when I was born, the cries of my injured body. In and out of death several times, but I got to live. it's more then I can say for my twin, Liam. He died before getting his chance to live. I've always lived with that guilt. It's always been haunting me, some nights it literally has. One night back in 2012. December 12th, if I remember correctly. I fell asleep around half past one in the morning. It's said that most people dream at least three different dreams a night. Most of which aren't remembered, but I remember one dream in particular that night.
I had always thought of my twin. His death was always on my hands, I hated my life for the guilt I held over it. Everyone told me I shouldn't blame myself, but they don't know what this feels like. That night I slept, it's like I awoke in a white room, it seemed to never end no matter where I looked. I saw no doors or windows in this room. Nothing at all. My clothes were white, a long-sleeved T-shirt and tracksuit pants. I was sat on a three-legged chair, staying perfectly still. Where was I? The only thought running through my mind.
Someone reached out and grabbed my hands. The strings of a harp could be heard quietly in the background, with no-one else around us. I looked at this person who touched my hands, confused and scared, in his white gown and white bed. Who was this person? My body was paralytic up until the moment he spoke. "Hello brother, nice to see you're doing so well," he said with a smile. I was confused. Brother? This guy couldn't be my twin Liam. It's impossible! The body is more aware of the supernatural when they sleep but this is too far. "You don't remember me? God Jack, you're so dumb, it's me, Liam," he spoke again. Tears fell down my face and onto my legs.
He's here in front of me!
We spoke about the guilt I had over him, he kept trying to convince me to let it go, but it isn't as easy as that. We spoke about my life and everything, whenever I asked him about death and the after life he refused to answer, giving only one response. "You can only find out when you die brother. Want my help with that?" He'd say with that cheeky smile. I took no notice of this and just smiled along with 'Tsh, you wish." Then laugh. I never thought too much into his words.
We kept up the talk until I was about to wake up. Strangely enough he knew this and said good-bye to me. "See you next time." Were his exact words. I awoke confused and in a cold sweat. I had shrugged it off as a simple dream. Never realising what is really was...
We spoke a few more times after that. I told him all about college, the friends I had made, the life I was living and how he was on my mind, how I still felt slightly guilty over this. He just smiled away and helped me with my problems. I even told him my stories and read him part of it, we had fun in the dream, laughing away and getting to know each other better. Every time I woke up in tears and a cold sweat. This was the normality of it, but what happened on January 17th, 2013, made my bones crack and my very soul want to escape from my body.
I was asked a favor to go to the local shop, to buy some groceries. Bread. Milk. A twenty pack of Royals cigarettes. Dog food. Cat food and a bottle of Pepsi. The shops had an upper apartment block, a balcony on both sides. To get home from the shops I had to walk behind them. I did so and looked up at the balcony. I saw something strange in my quick glimpse but shrugged it off. The next second seemed to be an eternity. Liam came to my mind, I saw him standing there, his face was covered, but his brown hair, the clothes he wore, the height, the way he looked... I knew it was him. After that second had passed I stood still and swiftly looked back over in awe, only to see he was no longer there.
Was that really Liam, or just a figment of my imagination?
I was seeing things. I had to be...
He contacted me again two nights later. I saw him in the bed. The sound of the harp was still playing, the same tune in the same pitch. His first words to me were "I'm glad I got to see you the other day brother, I wondered if you looked the same as you do here." The sweat from my head could be heard hitting the floor. I stood up and walked around in front of his bed. "How did you do that? It couldn't of been you." I said.
"I was there brother. I had to see you at least once," he said, moments before breaking into laughter. "It's time to wake now brother. Maybe next time I can see you sleeping," he spoke. I shot up and screamed out. No-one was home to hear me though. I told my friend Ruby about these dreams that very day and she assured me that it was strange, but at least I got to speak to him. She told me it might help if I wrote about him in one of my stories, so I made him a character.
Three weeks later I saw him again, it was the same room, the same situation, but why was I looking at the roof? Why was the harp playing in a low pitch, in a reverse version of the previous tune? This wasn't like the other times. I saw my twin Liam again, but this time he was sat on the chair and I was in the bed. My body sat up and we engaged in conversation, but I couldn't hear anything. I felt like I was trapped in my own body, in my own dream, I couldn't move, I couldn't hear anything. I knew this wasn't just a dream but I couldn't wake up!
Snap out of it!
Snap out of it!!
For fuck's sake! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!
It worked. I was now awake in my bed, I saw him next to me, but after I rubbed my eyes he was gone again.
It had been one month since he contacted me again. February 26th, 2013. The dream was on my mind every day. I barely slept, I started over-eating, slipping into depression and not letting anyone too close to me, I didn't know what to do. For my friends I put on a fake smile and acted like nothing happened. Who knows what could happen. He could be anywhere, he could try contacting me again, and I didn't want him to.
I decided it was time to go to bed early, I need my sleep after all, I was feeling rather sleep deprived. I got in bed and quickly fell asleep. I awoke in that room again, all by myself this time. No harp, no sounds... Nobody but myself. I got out of the bed and made it after me. I walked around, looking for Liam, looking for the harp, but nothing was there, no-one was there.
I decided to head back to the bed, but when I turned around it was gone. There was nothing in the room, absolutely nothing! I heard some scratching behind me, I spun around but no-one was there. Only a sound, one sound... I fell on my knees. As I went to run my hands through my hair I saw my right index finger was bleeding. I must of cut it on the bed or the table or something, the bed did feel strange. I put my hands in my hair and stood back up.
I no longer feared where I was, whatever was here couldn't have been my brother. Not with that sound, I was ready to fight as I followed the sound of the menacing laughter, the laughter of my brother. Evil and twisted, demonic. Just as I saw a figure I woke up.
I felt tears roll down my cheek as I felt pain from my finger.
It was a dream!
There was no way that my finger could really be cut, this can't be possible.
To this day I have not been in the place again, that sleepless white room. I do not intended to. His words came back to my mind.
"You can only find out when you die brother. Want my help with that." I think he really wants to help me die. The next dream of that room, could be my last dream...