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Ritual for Everlasting Beauty

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This ritual is different from many you will find on the internet. Of course, I could tell you that this is the one that will actually work, but that's a meaningless cliché. Telling you not to attempt it and then giving you detailed instructions is also a trope I will avoid: for if you go to the lengths of gathering the materials needed, you may as well use them. This is where the starkest difference lies between this and any other "terrifying" ritual. The scariest part of this ritual won't come if you make some erroneous mistake in the order of lighting candles. The scariest part is right at the beginning:

Are you capable of doing what is necessary?

The items required are beyond the grasp of many, and not to be picked up at the mall by a regular girl with low self esteem. No. You need to be committed to this from the beginning, and you're going to need blood. Lots of blood. About a bathtub's worth.

I can't plan everything for you (you're going to need a lot of cunning for this, so if you can't fill in a couple blanks, you'll never make it anyway), but some advice is you'll want complete privacy and the blood to be as fresh as possible. I don't know how you could rewarm that much blood.

The donor(s) of said blood must possess the attributes you desire. Historically, this would be a young and beautiful female virgin. I don't see why this wouldn't work for men but I wouldn't go stretching too far as to attempt this in lieu of a proper sex change procedure. This ritual will only enhance what you already have (or genetically should have; it may regrow your hair but it won't grow breasts if you didn't already have two X chromosomes). Hunt accordingly.

Other supplies you may already have by your bathtub: a mirror, and candles.

ProcedureEdit

Once you have filled the tub, light your candles and turn off any electrical lighting and anything that makes any sound at all. Take your clothes off. Slip into the tub and close your eyes. Meditate on one of the flickering flames until the silence floods your senses like a black abyss. Search the silence for the sound of your own heart beating. As you tune in to your own blood rushing around your body, bathe yourself entirely in the bath. Massage your scalp and rinse your hair with it. If what you want to accomplish is whiter or straighter teeth, you'll have to brush with it. Soak as long as you can, at least 40 minutes. You've now allowed the properties of the blood to be absorbed through your skin. Extinguish each candle and carefully exit the tub and dry off.

When you turn on the lights and look in the mirror, you will be restored. Vibrant. Breathtaking. Years rewound. Anything you want shrunk will shrink and anything you want bigger will grow. It will be. You may repeat the ritual as often as necessary, indefinitely.

There is no danger to your physical self or immortal soul by performing this ritual, and all you really need is some blood. The only question is:

Are you capable of doing what is necessary?

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Testimonial of Elizabeth B.

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