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Reason One: Several chemicals in coffee are anti-carcnogens, chemicals that help prevent cancer.
Reason Two: It helps regulate digestive health.
Reason Three: It helps delay the mind-shattering, soul-crushing agony that may haunt your dreams. ...I suppose I should explain that a bit more.
One evening I was on Facebook, not doing much in particular, when I got a random friend request from someone named Jessica Kenaga. I accepted it on a whim. A few minutes later, one of my friends got a request from the same Jessica Kenaga, declined it, and went to her page to investigate. He sent me a message that said there was nothing there. At all. Just her profile picture, the fact that she was using FB in English, and that I was her only friend. He told me it sounded like hax or something bad so I unfriended her. The next day, I noticed a message from her in my PM box, and it was all just gibberish, so I blocked her.
About an hour later, I got another friend request from her, except something was different about her profile picture. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but what was unnerving was the fact that I had blocked her so she shouldn't have been able to contact me. I figured she had made another account and sent another friend request, so I blocked it and reported her. Mere moments passed before I got another friend request from Jessica. By now, I was a bit weirded out, and her profile picture seemed very strange, but I couldn't figure out how. I logged out of FB after blocking the third request and immediately got a phone call. It was from Jessica. Somehow, there was already a contact of her in my phone, complete with that unnerving profile picture, despite the fact that I had never met her.
I declined the call, but she immediately called back. This time I decided to answer it and tell her to quit being weird, but when I went to listen for a reply, there was nothing but static and a faint hissing in the background, almost like running water, so I hung up and went along my riveting day of browsing Facebook and Memebase. I got a text from Jessica, that said only:
"hELLo ThErE, LiTTLE onE."
At this point, I was more than a smidge freaked out, so I called the number to tell her off but this time there was sound before the first ring had even finished. It was this long-winded wailing that sounded like it was from far away. After about thirty seconds, it stopped and was replaced by an ear-spitting shriek. I dropped my phone and jumped back from the unexpected noise.
The sound stopped after maybe ten seconds, so I went and got my phone, figuring the call ended when the sound cut out, but it was still going when I looked at the screen. Scared, and pissed that I was scared, I rapidly spoke into the phone, commanding this person to stop what she was doing. After I was done, I felt a bit better and said I was going to call the police, then hung up. The moment I did, my phone notified me that I had one new voicemail, thinking I might have missed a call while "Jessica" was on the phone, I got the voicemail.
It was a weird, warped voice that said, "See you soon, little one."
Naturally, I lost my shit and freaked out. Leaving my phone and computer upstairs in my room, I went downstairs and turned on all the lights I could, including the TV. My mom was in the room, which reassured me somewhat.
After a couple episodes of mindless programming, my mom went up to use the restroom. As soon as she hit the second floor, the television turned to static and the lights went out. Beyond terrified but wanting to reassure myself, I did what any gutsy seventeen year old male would do. Using the light of the television static, I found the baseball bat we keep in the corner in case of robberies, and turned around to see none other than good old Jessica. I shit myself. Not literally, but you get the point. I screamed and swung the bat. As soon as it connected with her, she vanished, the lights came back on and the static cleared up. The lack of something to actually hit made me lose my balance and fall onto the couch. My mom came barreling down the stairs to find out what was wrong. I began to explain it to her, then realised I sounded like a nutcase. So I told her I must have nodded off and had a nightmare or something. She looked skeptical, but didn't question.
After that, nothing happened until I went up to shower. All was well until I opened the curtain. Boom. Jessica. I screamed again and slipped on the water, sliding into the tub and hitting my head. When I looked back up, nothing was there. I must be crazy, right? Or just really paranoid. My mom shouted up the stairs to see if I was alright, so I told her I slipped on a bar of soap in the shower. I tried my best to put it out of my mind. I got out of the shower, went to my room and started to play League of Legends. Good old rage inducing League. I played a few matches but couldn't get into it very much, so I shut it down and decided to hit the sack early.
I fell asleep pretty quickly, or I guess I did, because it seemed that as soon as my head hit the pillow I was dreaming. I was just floating in nothing, thinking that this was nice, or at least not bad. Then, that same long-winded wailing drifted through the void. It sent a shudder down my spine because I knew what would happen next, but couldn't bring myself to wake up. Like I knew would happen, the wailing stopped and that shriek from before tore through my head, this time accompanied by light and vision. The void was illuminated, to show a stark white, sterile room with two people in it, not counting myself. One was a hunched, crying figure sitting against the wall. The other was Jessica with her back to me and looking down at the other person with one clenched fist. Only Jessica had no shadow and seemed to radiate this aura that made my hair stand on end. Jessica was just staring at the crying figure, doing nothing for several moments.
After what seemed like a very long time, she clenched her hand once more and the hunched figure shrieked again. I covered my ears to try and block it out, but the sound pierced through. I must have made some sound or something, because Jessica turned around, and looked at me with eyes that were bottomless. They were just entirely black, and seemed to absorb light. She grinned at me, exposing the whitest, sharpest teeth I have ever seen. She clenched her hand again, and I was wracked with pain. I couldn't scream, and for what felt like hours I was crushed and stabbed and beaten.
Suddenly, I woke up in a cold sweat, panting like I had just run a marathon. I looked at my phone for the time, it was only two hours after I had gone to sleep. I noticed a new voicemail and shuddered in dread. I saw it was from my mom, and gave a heavy sigh of relief. It said she had gone out with a couple friends and that she would be back in the morning. I shook off the nightmare with the knowledge that I wouldn't sleep anymore tonight and went downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. I got some cold cereal and ate it on the couch, watching some Adult Swim, because why the hell not. I finished an episode of whatever was on, and went to put my bowl in the sink.
As I entered the kitchen, I saw Jessica in front of the door, complete with bottomless eyes and scary grin. I bolted from the room as fast as I could, but she tackled me from behind and hit me in the back of the head like she had a brick in her hand. I blacked out. Boom. Gone. Out like a light.
I woke up back in that room where the crying person was, sans the crying person. I was sitting against the wall and just knew that if I looked up, I would see Miss Kenaga. I knew it was inevitable, so I looked up into those light-drinking eyes and that predatory grin. She stared back at me. I watched her watch me for a long time. Then she did what I knew would happen. She clenched her fist and I was wracked with pain. This went on for days and days. Or maybe it was only seconds. However long it was, it reduced me to tears. I was weeping in pain and futilely hunched over for protection. Eventually the pain stopped and Jessica leaned down and whispered in my ear in that weird, warped voice, "Mine, forever more."
Then I woke up. How glad I was to wake up, you have no idea. I was in my nice warm bed, with my nice warm sheets and my nice soft pillow and my nice great life. All was amazing and bright and happy. Until I realised I had to pee. Really bad. So I went to the bathroom and did just that. After I was done, I looked in the mirror and felt my blood run cold. On my chest was a series of scratches that read "Mine." I ran back to my room and sat with my back to the wall, staring opposite me. I must have done this until I fell asleep, because I woke back up in that room, and knew what I was about to endure. And it came. The pain. The body wracking agony. It came in waves, over and over for hours and days.
I woke up that time to the sound of my school day alarm and went through my day, the scratches on my chest now gone. I tried to stay awake as long as I could to delay the horror that came with sleep. Jessica didn't plague my waking world anymore. Only when I slept, now, or passed out is more accurate, did she come. Wracking my body with pain until my alarm pulled my out of that nightmare. Every day, I delay sleep as long as possible. I get through the day with coffee and sugar. So much coffee. I can go for days at a time now, before passing out, but Jessica is patient. She waits and waits. She knows that I must sleep sometime. And when I do, she greets me with that twisted grin and welcomes me back to that room I dread so much. She welcomes me with agony and anguish.