I currently sit alone in my house, except for the dogs accompanying me. My two sweet, little dogs sit somewhere unknown in my home, probably sleeping. I listen to Moonlight Menschen, my favorite song as I type this. I am currently playing a (cough) certain video game, kind of, like many other kids my age, however I say very little as I watch my friends' messages roll by. I have always had the fear of being alone with no one to protect me except knowing the fact that if I got killed the murderer would be caught.
However, I know that telling people where I live online while a murderer is in my condo will not work. By the time anyone gets to me, if they for some reason don't think it's a prank, I will have already died. I sit alone, deciding not to say a single word. My dogs lay somewhere as I said before, not in my mom's room as I saw both exit earlier.
Not too long ago, I heard a loud shuffling sound from the room. As I type this, I know someone or something is in there. I've heard noises coming from empty rooms in this place since my family and I moved in. I type this to tell the story of my death as I accept that I will not come out of my house alive, but rather be dead as my soul exits my office chair, the sound of Moonlight Menschen silencing itself. Certain sounds are the only things that calm me, including this song, however those same ones provoke my paranoia which has been ignored by everyone.
I have fears that I always think I know are rational, however never are. I sense something different this time as I write this song and repeat it over and over again. I hear slight dragging sounds coming from rooms next to me. My family will not return until around and hour and a half from now. It's currently 8:38 P.M., and I sit in my office chair, just waiting. I was expecting something this time as my sister and mother exited the house, trying to reassure me of safety as my mother locked the garage door. I knew that this wouldn't help, but thanked her anyways. I know that this song I hear fits the tone of death, but I played it not only for that reason, but because of the knowledge that this was going to happen since the moment I heard songs like these played in the background of S.S.T.W.L. videos, fascinating me as I also felt the sense of dread these songs and videos are supposed to give off, but I also felt changed.
I felt death sitting on my shoulders, invisibly waiting there, putting a heavy weight on me. It tried to get me to fulfill its desires. I have entered school, my hands twitching as I grasped my pockets holding pencils, not carrying them to write with, but carrying them for a reason that terrified my usual self. I forced my hands back to my sides most of the time. Sometimes, however, I can't control myself and lunge out at another student, stabbing the kid in what is usually their arms. I barely touch them as I pull my hand back at myself in shock and agony. My arms usually twist around in painful angles as I drop the pencil.
I have gotten in trouble for this numerous times. I am stating all of this here to notify everyone that not a single person may actually be in my condo at this point, that something else even more terrifying may be the cause of my death. This is not a suicide note or a sign towards my insanity. I may be insane, but that may be by a warped definition. I will not kill myself. If I die and you never catch a murderer, don't think I killed myself. I want to assure you now as I think more about it, you most likely will find no murderer. Something else will kill me with little to no doubt. I hope that Liam Vickers does not feel any guilt, as even though he drove me towards insanity, he also entertained me more than I could ever imagine. He is also the reason why I found the song that I am playing as I await my demise.
Also, I would like to point out something. I giggled at the mistake that was made in your sentence as I said. You said he instead of she. I don't remember who you are or who that was about, I just wanted the people on XenoFlux to know that even after death I will forget almost no moments of my time on there. Pie (Ely), if you ever read this, I have one thing to say to you specifically. Chkn. Thanks for letting me laugh one last time, Elizabeth. Sorry, I just kind of wanted to call you that one last time. Goodbye everyone.
-Ryan Lewis, me.
Written by KnotSnappy