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Outside My Window

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Alright, so I have a pet pot-bellied pig. Her name is Miss Piggy, original as hell, I know. My house is surrounded by forest, so luckily I have no dick-biscuit neighbors to report me for owning her, seeing as my house is still within city limits. Being a pig, she fucking loves food, and spends a lot of time outside my window 'begging' for me to feed her. If you haven't spent a lot of time around pigs, you probably think that the only sounds they make are squealing and snorting. You would be wrong. First off, only piglets squeal. As they get older, their squeal turns into a scream not very different from that of a human's. Second, while snorting is indeed the most common sound that pigs make, it is not the only one. They make a pretty wide variety of sounds, including barking. Yes, they can fucking bark. Other sounds, which Miss Piggy often makes while begging, can actually be quite unnerving. Hell, those jews up in Hollywood use pig noises all the time in their shitty horror movies, not just squealing either. Not the best thing to hear outside your window when Miss Piggy decides she's damn near starving to death in the middle of the night.

It was about two in the morning, I had been up all night playing "Grand Theft Auto V." I heard a distant low rumble outside my window, which slowly got closer and closer as I focused on my character who was speeding down the streets of Los Santos in his dune buggy. I was used to Miss Piggy's shit by now. I could hear as the rumbling reached the outside of my window and stopped, only to start up again a few seconds later, even louder than before. She must have been even hungrier than normal tonight, despite the scraps from the family Christmas dinner I had given her earlier. This growl of hers went on for nearly a minute without stopping, I didn't even know pigs had that kind of lung capacity. Finally I dug out some old doritos from between the cushions of my couch, opened the window threw them out. With the window open, I realized how different she sounded; deeper, louder, scratchier, fucking manic, and her noises seemed to get closer to the window as I reached my hand out, as if she reared up, using the wall for support. Probably had a nightmare about me not feeding her or some shit. Slightly unnerved, I closed the window and got back to GTA V, where my dude had just taken a bullet to the head. God fucking dammit.

Feeding that fat-fuck made me realize how hungry I was, seeing as I had not eaten anything but a chicken leg all day. I got up and went to the kitchen. After placing some month-old Little Caesar's in the microwave, I walked to the windowed side door in the living room, as per usual when waiting for food to heat. I looked outside. Miss Piggy was there, in her doghouse, fucking asleep. How the fuck did she get around the house and cozy up so fast? I paused, and a chill went down my spine, because that's when I realized that I could still hear that noise outside my fucking window.

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