I'm considering suicide.
Let me tell you a tell you a story about what's making me consider.
Well. It all started with the best girl in my life. I'll try and keep it short. She was beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and understanding. Most of all, we had the same hobbies and interests. We were almost identical. After a while, we started dating. And she seemed to fight with me over tiny things, like lying about taking things from her purse, using her toothbrush, stuff like that. It was really odd. Because.. she didn't seem like that before we dated. She didn't seem like that type at all. So I did some snooping around, to check on what was going on with her toothbrush, and missing items from her purse.
This part may seem fake, but I assure you, it's real. I went into sleep paralysis one night. It causes your brain to be awake, but your body to be asleep. I was staring at the wall, unable to move, scared out of my goddamn mind. And saw some sort of thing crawl into the bathroom. On its hands, pulling and crawling into the bathroom. I wanted to scream, but couldn't. Before you say "fake" and stop reading, I'm sure it was just a hallucination. Sleep paralysis gives you hallucinations. Though, I was still scared. I just wanted to close my eyes. But couldn't. I couldn't do any sort of movement whatsoever. So the next morning, I woke up in screams and nearly scared my girlfriend to death. I told her, but she kept denying it, eyes darting across the room like she had to. Like she had to deny it.
So by then, the fights got worse. She had this cat, which I hated so much. Not because I have anything against cats, but because of that cat in general. It got sick one day, and after weeks of me caring for it, since I knew how dear that cat was to her, it died. She blamed me, of course. She said it was my fault. She thought I put something in her milk because I hated it. By this point I'd had enough. She wasn't the perfect girlfriend anymore. I broke it off and she took her cat with her. This is where things got rough. She'd begin to ruin my life after I broke up with her.
One day, I was out watering my dog. I decided it'd be a good time to water and feed her after checking out what she was yapping at. She was an outside dog. After this, every time I fed her she'd get more and more sick. I was getting paranoid that maybe my ex was doing this. After all, it seemed like the perfect revenge. I took her to the vet, but they said nothing was wrong. Then I started looking up untraceable poisons that she could have gave to my dog. Ricin was one of the most deadly.
After this I put hidden cameras everywhere. In my house, outside, around every door. Everywhere. It was jam-packed. But I made sure that they couldn't be seen. I stayed up all night watching those cameras. But nothing happened. That night I went to bed, just to be awoken again a few hours later by the smell of smoke. I checked for the source, and apparently she'd gone far enough to catch my house on fire. I rushed out the back door to check on my dog, she'd already been dead. Despite my sadness that I couldn't give her a proper burial, I had to get out of the place.
At this point I had enough. I ran far away from the house and called the police. I told them my ex was trying to murder me. How she killed my dog and set my house on fire.
They said they'd arrive on site in about 10 minutes. All I could do while waiting was watch the flames from afar, in tears. As promised, they arrived on schedule. They asked for my ex's address and name. I gave it to them, I was sick of all this nonsense over a silly break up. It was time to move on, lady.
I got a new home. I had enough money to buy the house but nothing else. Only enough money to pay for one week's worth of electricity. I put up new cameras again, staring at them day in and day out. Only one night did I see anything there. It chilled me to the spine and I wanted to yell. But I knew she'd hear me.
It was my girlfriend, standing completely still in the living room. Staring at the cameras. Though something looked off about her. The color of her hair was different. I snuck my window and called the police again. Of course, as any cliche story would go, she wasn't there when they arrived. Though it did take them thirty minutes. So of course she'd have left by then.
The next day they officially had enough evidence to bring her in. They arrested her. As I was passing her house because I wanted to talk to her, she was being arrested. Though the only thing that truly made me feel guilty was her hair was way lighter than the woman's in the camera.
The thought chilled me to the bone. I headed home, and have been haunted by hallucinations since. If I move around from place to place they leave. Yet I don't know if I'm haunted from a curse, or guilt is getting the best of me. I can't live in one place anymore. And I fear sleeping with people.
The only part that makes me wonder is when she lost her stuff, her cat died, if she was assaulted by the same images.